Apprehensive

Sometimes I am apprehensive about change. I get into a routine, and I am afraid to change it. Lately I find that I have been changing my routine quite a bit and I often wonder why it causes me so much anxiety. So maybe I stay up a little later and get up a little later- what does it really matter? Maybe I start a new job in the Fall student teaching and I have to wait tables to make ends meet- what's the big deal? Maybe I start a long distance relationship and I don't really know how to proceed? It's part of life- you try it out, see if it works, if it doesn't, then you move on. So why does it always make me ancy? Are all people this way? Is it a guy thing?

I am also not a good phone talker. I feel like I have to have a reason to call you. I can't just call up and say "hello", I have to call up and say, "How was the movie", "How was your trip", "When do I get to see you again?" It can never just call you for no reason. Even if I am excited to talk to someone, someone that I know really well, like my mother- comfortable conversation can still be a strain for me. I am always pausing too long or too little. I overtalk and undertalk, I talk too loud, I talk too quiet. I hold my breath so my voice will be deeper and even toned, my mind wanders, I concentrate too much, I press the phone to my ear too hard, my arm gets tired of holding the phone, I think the silence means that you have dropped off and I have been talking to dead air for 5 minutes- it's crazy.

Anyway, I met someone new. She is off in San Antonio right now- I like her- I am not sure how she feels about me, but we are testing the waters right now. It's just nice and simple, and I like nice and simple.

And hopefully you can intuit the rest of what this email means without reading too much into it.

Love you all.

eddo