My very lame attempt at Sketch Comedy


Arnold for Governor...

and Oprah for President!

"Today on Celebrity Government we are talking with the newest presidential candidate- Oprah Winfrey-
I'm David Antwerp your host of Celebrity Governor- we'll be back right after a word from our sponsor."

Queue music-

Commercial for McDonalds, Breast Cancer Awarness, and Inside Edition-

Music plays again

"And we're back, Today, we are talking about Celebrity Oprah Winfrey and her decision to run for President of the United States of America- Oprah, what gave you this crazy idea?"

"Well David, as you know I have been in the public eye for quite some time now- I have used my show for years to promote goodness, equality, women, children, and most of all- myself. America does not really care about what you stand for- they care about how popular you are, how much money you have, and how far up the ladder you have climbed- and if Arnold can become governor of California- a man not even born in the US- then I see no reason why someone as smart and intelligent as myself cannot become president of the United States."

"So what would your focus be if you did become President of the Free World?"

"Well, first of all I would start with getting those t-shirt sheets in every home- they are just so comfortable- and a world that sleeps well, lives well."

"What would you do for the economic decline? How would you help with the recessioin?"

"What economic decline? My account is full of money, and I don't know anything about male pattern baldness"

"Oprah, in the last 10 years your show has been one of the highest rated shows- would you continue with your daily show?- how would becoming the President change your life"

"Not much, currently I control what most women think in the world- when you control the women, you control the world, my platform might change a little, but my views won't- I have the women of this world hanging on my every word, when I say jump, they say how high, when I say lose weight, they say- how much, and when I say make babies- they go home and make babies. My approval rating is already through the roof, and people love me."

"What do you think about being a woman and a minority"

"This is the 2000's, I have the vote of the woman, the vote of the minority, the face of America is changing and it is looking more and more beautiful everyday- everyday it is looking more and more- well, like me!"

"That's quite a bit of brutal honesty."

"Oprah is synonymous with honesty."

"Well, we're out of time- tune in tomorrow when we have David Spade who will be running for Congress! I'm David Antwerp, thanks for tuning in to Celebrity Government!"

Crowd applaudes wildly