The Walmart Fire Engine Fiasco

Last night I had to go to Walmart to pick up some groceries and some Aviator
sunglasses for my Michael Jackson impersonation.

I NEVER go to Walmart unless it is a must, and if I do go, I try to go around 9 at
night when there are fewer screaming children and crazy Americans. I love America,
but we seem to have a lot of bizarre people running around this country.
Another reason I NEVER go to Walmart is because it takes at least an hour to get all
the supplies that you need. Say you need something from grocery, and from hardware,
well, depending on where you start you will be in for at least a half-mile walk.

So, after spending an hour inside of Walmart, getting my shopping done and my
cardio, I am heading out the door and I hear, "Edward Renz, Please Return to your
vehicle" I stopped and listened again thinking, "Am I going crazy or did they just
say EDWARD RENZ?" And in case you don't know- that is ME!!

At this point thoughts start swirling through my head, "Did someone break into my
car? Did I leave it in neutral like that time I left my truck in neutral at Kroger
and it rolled down the hill backwards?" "Did a drug dog mistake that bag of flour in
the front seat for a large sack of cocaine?"

NO- my car was simply on fire...

I walk outside and since I went to Walmart so late they closed the doors nearest to
my car so I get to extend my workout by another half-mile. By the time I see the
fire trucks my heart is racing full speed. There is a really large silver-bullet
shaped fire extinguisher, a fire-truck, 5 firemen, and two policeman all outside by
my car. Fortunately, the car was not a black crispy piece of metal carnage, rather,
it looked just fine.

"Hello, yes, this is my car" I said, sort of sheepishly."Well, we got a call that this car was smoking... do you mind popping the hood."

Fireman #1 said in his really large fireman pants and suspenders over a blue t-
shirt. The pants almost looked like clown pants since they made his lower half
appear so much bigger than his upper torso.

"Smoking? SMOKING? My car is a CHRISTIAN and we do not SMOKE!!!" I almost said, but
then decided this was not the time to joke.

What I really said was, "Smoking?" And I immediatly opened the door and let them
pop the hood. And then, like crazed Papparazzi everyone gathered around including
myself to see what would be revealed. One of the fireman looked at me like, "Why are
you getting so close, it could be dangerous, it could be a scorching, burning,
blaze!!" But then I think he realized that there was obviously no imminent threat,
so he just looked at the engine quickly with the rest of us.

After a little poking and prodding, they determined that it was possibly the
radiator as it appeared that the reservoir was dry. I happened to have a gallon of
anti-freeze in the trunk so I filled the reservoir, started the car, let everyone
give their blessing, I made my apologies- and then I was on my way.

One more reason to NEVER go to Walmart, a.k.a WALL-HELL!!