Money Drunk... Money Sober


A kid wearing his kaidangku -- a common site in Shanghai during the summer.
Compliments of Jimmy McWhinney...

Sometimes when I post on this blog I feel like I am leaving myself exposed for all the world to see- ass just hanging out in the wind...

I am reading a book right now that helps with your finances- it was recommended by a good friend who gives the best advice. It is called Money Drunk Money Sober by Julia Cameron and Mark Bryan Right now I am trying to find excellent balance in all areas of my life, Spiritual, Physical, Financial, Social- you get the idea. Over the years I have had a tendency to over do it in one area or the other therefore leaving one area of the pie chart lacking. If I am working on weight loss, I tend to spend too much money buying running shoes, workout clothes, healthy food, etc. If I am working on saving money, I neglect my friends because I don't want to go out to eat, I don't want to visit, I just stay at home and don't spend money. If I am working on spending more time with my friends, then I tend to read my Bible less, spend more money, eat out a lot and put on weight. It's a Sick Cycle Carousel- to put it in the words of Life House.

Another bad habit that I used to have was that I would try to fix on thing before fixing something else. For Example, I'll just start college after I get back in shape. I actually did this. I took a year off from school in 97 and started working out. That was the year that I lost 113 pounds. I stoppped doing anything but going to work and coming home and running. I worked with my mom at Boeing and I would have her drop me off in town and then I would run the rest of the way home- about 4 miles. When I finally got really thin I enrolled at TWU and started school, I started going to the Crossroads at DBC and I started trying to be the man I was supposed to be. Before that I had spent a lot of time partying with friends, going to NCTC, working, and working, making money- not saving any of it, trying to have the coolest clothes, the best looking truck, you know, the typical college thing that kids do when they grow up with low self esteem and little money.

Our parents always made sure we had food and nice clothes, but we lived in a trailer home on a piece of land that flooded often. The mobile home we lived in was like 1400 square feet and I slept in the living room since it was only a two bedroom. When the house burned in 1990 we moved into another mobile home. We were never rich, but our parents loved us and took good care of us, but for some reason when you are raised in a world that makes you feel like you have a certain number of check boxes checked in order to feel good enough, when a few of those boxes are left unchecked you feel like a failure. I have talked about this before- the way that most of my life I felt like I was just almost good enough. Just almost funny, almost an A student, almost a great football player, almost... almost... almost... that is the way that life is though. That is what growing up is all about, realizing who you are, and understanding that the world does not define who you are- you do. Don't allow people to label you, and they can't. Don't let them put you in a box, don't let them stifle your dreams, don't allow them to tell you that you can't be what you want to be, or drive what you want to drive.

Back to Money Drunk...

The book has helped me to realize the reason why I spend money- the same reason alcoholics drink- to escape, for temporary relief from the strain that is this crazy life, for a few moments of pleasure. The reasons are numer0us, but the solutions are simple. Understand the root cause of the problem work on that, not the symptoms. So that is what I am doing. I am trying to find balance- balance in my checkbook at the same time in finding balance on the scale, and by doing Yoga I am finding balance, quite literally, physically.

Spiritually- I am at a crossroads. For the past few years I have been heavily involved with Denton Bible Church- I have had some type of ministry that I have poured myself into. I have had spiritual goals and desires- now I seem to be getting away from that and it scares me. Going to a new church, meeting new friends, letting go of old ones... it's hard. It's hard to be settled in your ways and then to suddenly make changes- especially changing so much at one time. But I am 28 and I have been running full speed in so many directions for so long that I am worn out with trying to do too much. It's time to start taking care of me. I go to the doctor now when something hurts, I get my teeth cleaned on time every 6 months, I floss, I try to workout 5 times a week even if it is just for 20 minutes at time, I take time to talk to God, I try to spend time wtih the people that I love and to let go of the people that are holding me back. It's not easy, it sucks sometimes, but I know it's for the best. Things are looking up, the checkbook is balanced, I've lost a couple pounds this week, I am at Cody's house for the weekend, life is good...