A Tale of Two Asses

Once upon a time their was this ass who didn't know that he was an ass. That is the problem with most asses, they are unaware of the fact that they are asses, and if someone is to point out the fact that they are an ass, they don't believe them, because it seems that most asses have a tendency to be proud and arrogant and the thought that they could be an ass is inconceivable.

Ass One was always going around making an ass of himself. During playdates with others he would open his mouth at the wrong time, he would jump in and tell the punch line of a joke, he would point out the inadequacies of others, he would poke fun and tell crude jokes, until everyone was sick and tired of his ass-holicity.

Ass Two couldn't stand Ass One. Unfortunately, as often is the case, they didn't realize that the reason they disliked each other was because they were exactly alike. What they also didn't understand was that nobody really likes an ass. And, when an ass isn't liked, it only makes the ass even more of an ass.

As it turned out, Ass One and Ass Two worked for the same company. They were always cracking jokes in meetings that no one else found funny. Even worse they often followed a bad joke with, "Did you just hear what I said?" Asses are rarely funny, but they believe that they are hilarious and the only reason that people don't laugh at their jokes is because they are too stupid to get the joke.

Ass Two felt that he had to compete with Ass One at work and would always do his best to put Ass One down whenever Ass One wasn't around.

But what neither Ass One nor Ass Two seemed to understand is that what goes aroud, comes around, and their would be a day of reckoning. Everyone was tired of Ass One and Ass Two.

One day one of their co-workers who had been bullied by the asses decided it was time to kick some ass. He plotted and he schemed, he fantasized and he dreamed, of way to get rid of the Asses.

This particular guy wanted to be known forever and always as The Ass Kicker. He didn't want to kick ass in private, he wanted to kick some ass where everyone would see it, and the Asses would be laughing stocks, no longer able to go about bullying everyone, being Asses, 24-7.

So the day came when Ass One and Ass Two were in the lunch cafeterium.
The noise was all around, the place quite in delerium.
Ass One was oblivious, hee hawing around
That he never heard it coming, not even the sound
Of the foot that came kicking, right to his head
Zip, Zap, Wham, PLOP!!
Ass One almost fell dead.

Stunned by the actions, the room got quite still
But then Ass Two came a runnin, to get in his fill.

He started pointing and laughing and poking some fun
Then Ass Kicker said, "Ass Two, You better run."

But before Ass Two could move, a round house was broughten
A kick to the chest that would not be forgotten
Ass Two wailed wildly, and started to shout
But Ass Kicker decided to give him something to shout about.
A punch in the neck, a beating to the nose
A kick to the ear, or so the story goes.

And down went Ass Two, down to the ground
And the Ass Kicker kicked him,
Yes kicked while he was down.

And everyone applauded,
Hip, Hip, Hooray!
For everyone new what had happened that day.

Two Asses got kicked and a hero was born
It was time someone put a stop to the scorn.

But Ass Kicker new
this wasn't the end
The day would come
when he'd have to kick ass again.

But until that day, he would hold his head high.
Because he settled a score, he had blacked an eye.

However...

Ass One and Two never really learned their lesson
the never repented to anyone, there was no confession

Causes asses rarely change, it's unfortunate but true
So don't be an Ass, or Ass Kicker...

might come and see you.

This Holiday Season, please don't be an Ass.

Merry Christmas!