"Success is not spelled EXCUSE"

At 29 years of age I think that I have this whole "life" thing down to a science, but my knowledge of this life didn't come easily. No. I used to struggle with small bouts of depression, extreme anxiety, and a host of other emotional problems that I think I hid fairly well. Most of you that read my website know me and probably didn't realize that I only recently overcame most of my personal drama- Thank GOD!

Everyone has their own demons. Everyone. Even beautiful rich people. Which brings me to my point today. I was going through some old school papers and I ran across the actual letter I got from one of my teachers while I was attending TWU (Texas Womens University- yes, they let men go there now). My statistics professor Linda Neal apparently had a few demons of her own and those demons were causing her to be a demon- to me.

My senior year of college, the last actually semester I really overloaded myself. I was taking Calculus, Stats, Biology*(with lab), and two other classes for a total of 16 hours. I was also working full time and still being a leader at Denton Bible Church. I actually think being a leader consumed more time than my college work, but I new the importance of being a good leader and a good leader I was.

Graduation was only 4 weeks away and I realized that because I was working so hard to keep up in Calculus, I had let my grades slide way down in Statistics, so I wrote my teacher a note telling her that I was really behind because I had spread myself too thin and that I had focused all my efforts on calculus and I needed some extra credit work or something to help pull my grade up. In all my years of college I always had success with this approach- teachers are normally willing to help students if they are willing to work for it- not so with Ms. Neal. Here is the letter word for word that she wrote back to me.

Eddie-
In reply to your request attached to your exam three:

When I was growing up my mother had an expression when her children go themselves into trouble: "You made your bed now you have to lie in it". What this means is that you put yourself into this situation that you are in, so you are the one who must deal with the consequences, even if it means not graduating.

You are not the first person who has taken 16 hours and worked full time. In fact there is a student who is taking more than 16 hours, working full-time, and is succeeding quite well in this class. You made the choice to take the class. I gave you a required syllabus at the beginning of class. If you felt you didn't have the time to complete the requirements of the class, then you needed to alter your schedule.

When I was working on a Ph. D (which is more time consuming than your courses), I too was working a full time job. I was also mairred and was a mother of two small children. During that time I drove over 250 miles one way to get to class (twice a week). I never asked one of my professors to consider my situation or give me a chance to make up work. Instead, I kept material I needed to learn with me at all times (the car, the kitchen, on the ironing board). Just remember, success is not spelled EXCUSE.

As a mathematics department chairman for a community college in Houston area, I counseled many evening "adult' students. You shluld never take a course unless you have at least 2 hours outside of clase to devote to class requirements for every 1 hour you spend in class. This is a basic standard (it used to be 3:1 now been changed to 2:1).

The only thing you can do is to somehow show me you know the material in this course. You have one chance left to do it, on the final. Prove to me that you know Statistics.

L. Neal

I remember reading this and thinking, "What a B!". But the truth of the matter was she was right. Yes, she could have been less cruel, she could have allowed me to make up work, she could have done a lot of things, but she didn't. And sometimes in order to get our butts in gear we need someone to kick us in the seat of the pants. To stop sugar coating what needs to be said and to just say it.

When I read this letter I still get fired up. I remember how hard I was working to graduate that semester, and the fact that she wouldn't cut me any slack burned me up. But I did graduate, I worked hard, and I got a D in the class.

This letter, and a series of other letters, notes, and in my face confrontations have helped me to realize that life isn't easy. It's hard. And most of the time people don't really care how hard it gets for you, they are too busy trying to get through it themselves. Once I realized this I stopped worrying so much about how hard my life was/is and started trying to see things from other people's perspective.

Do I still worry about being over-weight, my hair falling out, my voice being high? yes. Do I worry about the war in Iraq, children starving in third world countries, and the demoralization of society? yes. But I don't focus on the negative. I focus on the positive wonderful things about this life and I think to myself- Success really isn't spelled EXCUSE, its spelled, "BE POSITIVE". Staying positive in every situation will help you be successful no matter what.

Man, I sound like Oprah or something. Sorry I went on for so long.

Oh, and Many thanks to Nicolle for the kind words in her last comment. I love positive comments from my readers and I will be more than happy to help anyone that wants to personalize their blog template or has any other questions that have to do with HTML or blogging.

I love you!