Two Horns and a Tail

Eddo emerged from his old blue Chevy like a giant sidewinder slipping from a dusty crevice. Tired, he snaked up to his apartment door rather quickly because he had to go to the bathroom. A spicy lunch had him feeling rather queasy and one of his greatest fears was public humliation caused by explosive diarrhea.

Just when he had found peace in his inner sanctum, a.ka. the bathroom he heard a second knocking, this one was not coming from his insides, but the outside door of his apartment.

"Knock, Knock, Knock"

There was just no time to answer the door. His digestive system lacked the capacity for mercy, did not care who was at the door, it only cared for itself, it's needs must be met- it would not, could not be put on hold.

Whoever was at the door would just have to wait, but the knocking would not cease. Like Poe's Raven knocking at his Chamber door, only this and nothing more...

Angrily, he stormed to the front door only to find that the knocker was gone! There was no Raven, there was no person! UGH!!! That meant only one thing- the knocker most likely would return.

Eddo marched back to his room and began to change clothes thankful for a few minutes of time to just settle. He desired to go to the gym so he went to the computer to make a CD mix of workout music. While the CD was burning, he heard a LOUD FREAKING POUNDING on the door. A few curse words slipped from Eddo's lips.

Apparently someone must be dying, if not, they're about to be...

Racing to the door Eddo swung it open wide with worry, frustration, anger, and a host of other unexplainable emotions. Before him stood Rosemary, his neighbor from across the portico, saying, "Well, it's about time you answered your door!". Tick, Tock, Tick Tock, and then time stopped.

It was odd how it happened all at once. The temperature increased by at least 80 degrees, the smell of sulphur permeated the air, and loud shrieks could be heard as if the bowels of hell had been opened.

Eddo's eyes grew wide, his face contorted with rage, he grabbed his head with both hands twisting wildly back and forth. From a distance it might have appeared that he was doing a new version of the "The Twist", but at closer inspection it would be obvious that this wasn't a dance inspired by Chubby Checker's hit song- rather it was inspired by the pain that was caused from this new transformation. Red leathery skin replaced the brown, large pointy horns sprouted out from his head, wickedly sharp teeth grew forth from a reptilian face, and large dragon-like claws completed the metamorphosis.

Rosemary gaped, mouth frozen wide with shock and fear. In one giant swoop Eddo picked her up and devoured her without a second thought. In a couple of quick crunches Rosemary was gone. Her sizable bulk had been erased with nothing more than a couple of firm chomps. The deed was done, the neighbor was gone, and the world was suddenly a better place.

Eddo looked around to see if anyone had noticed what had just happened. The coast appeared to be clear. He turned and sidled over to his green club chair and slumped knowing that it would take time to return to his normal self. Eventually people would coming around looking for Rosemary, but for the time being, no one would be knocking on his door.

The moral of the story is, Eddo needs his space, and when he doesn't get it, he turns into a Demon- a demon that does not care about you, or the fact that you keep pounding on the door desiring nothing more than Sunday coupons. It is best to keep your distance... or at least to knock politely if you need something, there is never a need to pound.