Cookie Monster - Unleashing the Beast Within

This year Sesame Street kicked off it's 35th season, and since young and old Americans are becoming over-weight beasts lumbering about the planet, half naked in their speedos, consuming cookies and cheetos at break-neck speed- Sesame Street decided to change a few things about their programming and the beloved character Cookie Monster stating that "A Cookie is a Sometimes Food." I agree, a cookie, especially a hot chocolate chip one fresh out of the oven, is a sometimes food. But for me, when that "sometime" comes around, I get a little scary, and monster doesn't even begin to describe me...

Saturday night Katie of Kpinion brought over a large roll of chocolate chip cookie dough. Since it was game night and I was making a freakishly large pan of sausage lasagna and buttery sour dough bread, I decided to take "the night" off of my diet. I didn't eat anything all day long except two bites of my sauce to test it for flavor. I kept busy, I worked out, and when evening came I consumed 3 helpings of my amazing lasagna and at least three slices of the crusty sourdough bread.

After dinner, we settled in to play a game of Settlers and eventually we were all ready for some cookies. Katie popped them in the oven and in 12-15 minutes we had fresh, piping hot cookies and cold glasses of milk. The cookies were sinfully delicious, not quite as good my own chocolate-pecan Neiman Marcus cookies, but amazing nonetheless. I don't recall how many I consumed that night, I kept splitting them with Katie, and eventually the 5 of us finished off the entire plate.

Everone left that night, and Katie said, "Eddie, I am going to leave a roll of cookie dough for you."

How Sweet! I thought to myself, knowing that leaving this roll of cookies was like leaving a flask of Jim Beam in the clutches of a recovering alcoholic. I knew right then that I should have thanked her for the offer and denied the delicious treat, but momma always taught me to accept gifts when people give them, so accept I did.

Everyone left and I went to bed knowing that the cookie dough sat in my refrigerator, it called out to me like a mermaids siren song, enchanting, alluring, calling out my name. I put my head under the covers and put my hands over my ears and prayed for the sandman to come and rescue me with sleep. Thankfully he did, and I fell into a feverish sleep filled with cold sweats and night terrors. Eventually dawn came and I felt clammy and miserable and... HUNGRY.

No longer able to resist the temptation I raced to my refrigerator and stared upon the rolled of cookie dough as if it held the secret of life, like Eve, I reached out for the forbidden fruit and bit into the succulent goodness knowing that I was crossing a line that could not be uncrossed.

As the cold sweet dough touched my lips and melted on my tongue my hands shook and my body racked with waves of pleasure. I quickly turned on the oven and pulled out a cookie sheet. The metal pan clanged on the stove as I hurriedly slammed cookie after cookie onto the metal surface. I placed the cookies into the oven and danced impatiently and uncomfortably in front of the oven like a small child in need of a restroom.

Twelve minutes passed and it might as well been twelve lifetimes, I was going through withdrawals and on the verge of the DT's (delirium tremens). I pulled out the cookies and quickly placed them on a plate to cool, and then reached for a large glass of milk. Without hesitation, knowing that the cookies were still too hot to eat, I began consuming the object of my affection, the very thing that at that moment I would have killed for and I luxuriated in their chocolatey goodness. Temptation is a demon and I thought it would be satisfied if I consumed half of the roll in 30 seconds, how wrong I was. The beast inside me screamed for more and so I immediatly placed the remainder of the roll into the oven and tortured myself for another 12 minutes. I prayed to the god of Pillsbury to please make them hurry, and in the back of my mind I prayed to the real God in heaven for forgiveness for my gluttony, and for worshipping idols- the Pillsbury Dough Boy.

One roll of cookie dough and half-gallon of milk later my cravings were diminished, the temptation was gone, and I felt fat- and as happy as an Ethiopian at an all you can eat buffet.

But now that the monster has been unleashed, the temptation keeps coming back.

So tell me, what is your biggest crave?