Darth Vader is that You?
I hear you at night, I sense you, standing there watching over me like a buzzard waiting for its prey to die. Perhaps I misinterpret your nocturnal visitations, tell me- what is it that you want? Why the disappearing act when I open my eyes? I don’t get it. Are you trying to lure me over to the dark side? Do you seek my crazy Ninja skills? My wood-working skills? My template-building skills? Are you a blogger? Is that what this is about?
I am drawn to the Dark Side’s overly dramatic costumes, the red and black facial paint, the oversized masks; all of it is very cool and edgy- but I live in Texas and have you been here during the summer??? It is an oven and I roast like corn on the cob at the State Fair when I wear black. I am serious; I would be sweating like a fat man in a plastic sack.
Maybe you just want to be friends, kick back, watch some football, down some suds, and eat a few hot wings? It might be cool, but I have my reservations. I don’t like people that are too into their careers and/or themselves. I mean, you started out as this slave, and now you are the Dark Lord of the Sith, and everyone knows that you have anger issues, and to top it all off you are a dead-beat dad. The negatives just keep racking up.
I have to admit, I admire your climb up the corporate ladder, your skills with a light saber- very impressive. When the Galactic Civil War raged across the empire and you discovered the Rebel Alliance’s secret base- I was wowed and I applauded your genius, but what did you have to forfeit to achieve your goals?
I just don’t think it would work for us to be friends. So do me a favor, stop coming by in the middle of the night. It is annoying hearing you, breathing in and breathing out, not saying anything, it’s a bit creepy. And then as soon as I open my eyes to tell you to shut the heck up, you’re gone, this relationship is already one sided, much like my relationship with my real dad. I can already tell, this ain’t gonna work.
So tell me, has Darth been to your house lately? Perhaps he is trying to promote his new movie coming out in May…
14 Comments:
Nope. Just some crazy woman cracking me in the face with her elbow.
Yes, I saw that Ben, perhaps you need to sedate that woman before bed time - she is DANGEROUS!
no darth here either. just my dog. licking. and licking. and licking. and licking. his privates all night long. just cause he can.
"no darth here either. just my dog. licking. and licking. and licking. and licking. his privates all night long. just cause he can.
Ummmm... Amanda Sue, does this mean if you could you would?
If so: umm... not really sure how to respond to that...
Besides: Yuck. ;)
I am with Ben on this one, and I hate the slurping sound of a dog licking anything, and then you add the visual and the incessant repitition and I am about to get sick to my stomach.
Don't think licking, unless it's a small dog. What you need to do is think of a mouth full of pancake syrup, cotton candy, and peanut butter, then imagine trying to get that off the roof of your mouth with your tongue. That's the big dog sound and extreme visualization.
By the way, Eddo, koh-ahh, koh-ahh...I am your father!
Eddo - not sure how to respond to the Darth Vader thing, umm that sounds that a deeply personal problem that you might seek counseling for. Hello people hearing breathing in the night, umm ever thought it might be you and you just have a deviated septum. As for the dog licking comments, that might be one of my most hated sounds, that and fingernails on a chalkboard, and the sound of someone cliping thier finger nails in teh office, people that is a personal hygeine thing that needs to be taken care of in private.
KT- Of course it was me! I keep waking myself up in the middle of the night with these weird breathing noises, the other day I could hear myself sounding like a flute... and I kept dreaming about someone blowing a whistle... but that would have been a boring post, and as the Founder of the Blog Patrol, I can't be posting boring posts back to back.
OD - YOU ARE MY FATHER? Wow, i don't know how I ended up looking like this then... bizarre.
And, thanks for the visual, I just threw up in my trash can...
ben, you took that to a whole new level. i was merely pointing out that dogs can curl in a circle and, therefore, lie comfortably on their bed and lick themselves. continuously.
also, tux doesn't quite have the peanut-butter sound. he sounds more like food smacking.
Oh my goodness - LOL
That was the funniest comments section I have ever read!
Darth sleeps next to me in bed. Must be somebody else bugging you.
The only thing that wakes me up at night is if Man opens the bathroom door. It makes the loudest noise ever. We have to oil that thing.
I hate watching or hearing dogs lick themselves. It makes me feel like chasing it around and wiping it with a baby wipe or something to help it out.
I hope that the next time you get a visit he isn't angry and carrying his light saber. :)
Love it. Welcome to the dark side, young master. Of course, this sounds a lot like my three-year-old, who always has a stuffy nose and likes to crawl into our bed at 4:00 a.m. You don't have any kids you haven't told us about, Eddo?
Post a Comment
Links to this post:
Create a Link
<< Home