Move Over Michael Phelps
Last night I went up to the gym and went for a swim. We have an olympic-sized 4 lane heated pool and there is hardly ever anyone actually using it.
It was late in the day and I felt like putting in a few 100 laps and so I slipped into my Speedo, grabbed my skull cap and goggles and walked out to the pool where the crowds were applauding me as I made my way to the lauching ramp. 6' 5" of ripped muscle mass, abs that you could wash clothes on, calves like chunks of granite, arms like the columns that support the White House. My body is a testament to God's creative genius.
Stepping up onto the platform I glance over my body admiring it's perfection. I pull on my skull cap making sure that it looks just right, and then I position my goggles perfectly over my eyes. Standing tall and straight I look around at the people shouting my name, too cool to smile I just lift my chin and inhale the sound of their voices shouting "Eddie, Eddie, Eddie, Eddie!" Mixed with the almost deafening sound of appluase and shouts of "USA, USA, USA, USA!"
I can't help but notice one poster board among the many, this one is special, it's bright pink with glitter paint it reads, "I'm hot for Eddie Renz". It's being held by none other than Jessica Alba, I raise an eyebrow in her direction and then realize that she can't see my eyebrows because of the skull cap. Hearing the whistle I take my position. Shaking my arms out, touching my toes, and listening, crouched like a cat ready to leap on it's prey. "POW!" The gun rings out and I shoot like a speeding bullet into the water. My arms slice away at the warm currents, my chest pounds as it screams for oxygen, 50 meters, 100 meters, 200 meters, almost done, 400 METERS! My arms are aching, my shoulders feel as if molten lead is burning inside of them, my breath is so short that I feel like any minute my lungs will burst from the punishment I am infliciting on them. I near the finish line, just 5 more strokes and I am done - FIRST!
I emerge the victor. The crowd is gone, they are no longer shouting my name. I looked down to see that I don't have ripped abs, my body isn't perfect, I'm not wearing a speedo. I'm weak and I move slowly back into reality and I am happy. Happy because I swam for an audience of one, I swam for me, and the only person that I had to beat was myself - mission accomplished.
18 Comments:
"My body is a testament to God's creative genius."
This is why we love you.
You weren't wearing a speedo? I hope you were wearing something.
oops. those posts were made by me. i'm doing some editing in b's acct. :) sorry! :)
Good thing it was for an audience of one... cause if you lost your speedo in the thrill of the race... that would be... um....
(All I can think of is Jessica Alba holding a sign saying "I'm HOT for Eddie Renz".)
My question is: Even without the speedo?
LOL
Ha! I was actually surprised that Bianca made a comment as she has never commented on here before!
And yes, I was wearing grey swim trunks, not a Speedo. But I did wear a speedo when I was a little kid, I remember wearing them as underwear sometimes because I really liked the way they felt, I thought of them as cool underwear. I was only 6 or 7 at the time.
"I remember wearing them as underwear sometimes because I really liked the way they felt..."
Ummm... Eddie... ummm... yeah, that's not normal.
lol.
(Fortunately, you were only 6 or 7... so we will let it slide...) BUT... if it were something you still did... that's another story.
first thought: dang, this guy is full of himself. how does he get anything done during the day, standing in front of the mirror?
second thought: oh.
third thought: amanda, you are too quick to judge this guy who has slaved over your template.
fourth thought: how do you spell fourth?
fifth thought: sorry eddie. very nice post. :)
Very nice post. I had no idea there was an indoor pool in a gym here in Plano. Where is it?
Speedos are a woman's worst nightmare. I understand the physics behind them the need for them under board shorts (which by the way ride just a little too low for my taste) but the idea of a man in just a speedo is SCARY. I'm a big proponent of the full body swimsuit, makes you look nice and sci-fi anyway.
What a great story! I too took a pause when I saw the word Speedo and shook my head thinking, "NOOOOOOOO". No offense to you in particular Eddo, they should just be banned from the planet in my opinion. I love to swim, so I was all into the story. The pool at work opens May 23rd. I look forward to that day with great anticipation, and I am more than willing to sacrifice my hair to the chlorine, and incur multiple tan lines. It's a small price to pay....
Yes, the elements of a good post must include a small piece of shock value, sometimes I use a cuss word, sometimes I use anatomy and physiology, and today I used Speedo.
To answer Ben, YES! She would still be interested in me SANS speedo, I hear she is really attracted to guys with dark skin and white posterior regions...
To "The Wife" -
The pool is outdoor and it is heated and it is right here at Texas Instruments where I work, so you have to work at TI to be a member...
Amanda Sue - no problem on the judgement... I got your emails and I will make the necessary adjustments.
Eddo,
I like the post, but mostly, I like the comment you made that an item of shock value adds to the post's success. Would you consider writing a "How to...write a great post" for us newbies? (Not that I could ever hope to be as funny as you).
I hate the swimsuits men wear today! They are awful. Too baggy and long. No - I don't want to see speedos (oh my eyes) but wish the swimsuit makers would go back to the "50's & 60's style" guys looked good in them! (I was not alive in the fifties!)
Beach Blanket Bingo!
You are too cute, Eddo!
it's 10:03pm. I just realized that the title of your post is in fact, "Move over Michael Phelps" and not "More over Michael Phelps."
All day long I've been wondering a) who is Michael Phelps and b) why does Eddie say that he'll "more over"? is that like "more on"? not moron, but "more on" like, "More on that when we return, Bob." c) if he tells us he's going to give us more on Michael Phelps, why doesn't he mention him in this post?
just doing my part to prove that not all blondes are ignorant. some of us are brunette.
Maybe I took away the smart card from Jes for too long. I think I'll give it back to you now. I have done more harm than good. >:)
JES, you slay me, your blog could just be about all the times you thought something was something that it wasn't! I just love how you misunderstand, and then share with us all when the light comes on, and what happened in your head while you were in the dark!
Hey I take issue with the ignorant blonde comment. I will say that of all the DUMB blondes I have met in my life, and yes I have met plenty (they seem to be drawn to me like really overweight people to spandex stirrup pants and a baggy t-shirt advertising a beer company), so of all the DUMB blondes I have met I have noticed that they ALL have dark roots. These are really DUMB brunettes who are trying to pass themselves off as blonde and are ruining the name of SMART WITTY INTELLIGENT WITH IT blondes every where. Well that is the last straw, if I meet another (so-called) dumb blonde I'm going to point out thier dark roots and belile them for not only being DUMB but being DUMB and trying to be blonde. STUPID BRUNETTES WHO WANT TO BE BLONDE.
BTW Jessica what you may have meant to be a compliment to those SMART blondes you know and a diss on DUMB brunettes was a backhanded diss on blondes that while they are infact stupid brunettes sometimes are pulled into their stupidity. See I'm smart enough to notice that and to point it out.
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