Soon I'll be getting invitations from The Crips and The Bloods
Lately I have been spending a very unmanly length of time in my closet. You know how it is, you go into your closet hoping to find somethng to wear knowing that you have nothing to wear, but still you look and look and look until you finally give in and wear something because you can't go to work naked.
This problem for me has increased lately as I don't want to wear any of my "fat" clothes anymore- Why? Because my pants are sagging so bad lately that I am sure to get invitations from the Crips and the Bloods! I am serious...
Just yesterday I am walking down the street and I forgot to put on a belt and so my pants were sagging halfway off my butt showing my Tommy Hilfiger boxers causing me to walk with an exagerrated strut. This dude rolls up on me and says "Sup Cuz'" and my heart starts pounding immediately because I can tell by the gold painted Caddy, the 20 inch Daytons complete with whitewalls, and the word "BALLERZ" emblazoned on the hood that this guy is most likely a gang banger, and I don't want to get gang-banged.
I look him in the eye briefly and say, "wazzup" with an almost indecipherable head nod. The trick is to be confident, but non-confrontationally confident. I mean I could have said, "What you want fool- You trying to start some Sh**!" Waving my arms around wildly and then getting all up in his grill. That might have caused a problem, and I am a good Christian boy that plans to make his way through life getting people to like me for me, not because I have been shot 9 times like Fiddy Cent. So I kept it real, and after the initial eye contact I looked away as if I wasn't buying whatever he was selling.
He is just sitting there with his seat so far back that he has to lean forward just to see me. He takes a long pull on his Swisher Sweet, the aroma is thick and smells like hot vanilla and fresh honey. The seconds tick away so slowly that it is as if God has pressed slow-motion on his remote that controls the time-space continuum. The "Baller" sizes me up, gives me a nod like, "we'll be back" and then drives away. I start to relax and I realize that the pounding sound I heard wasn't coming from my heart, but was actually bass coming from the Caddy.
I had to ask myslef, what was that all about? Why would a gang member be looking at me?
It had to be the baggy pants, or maybe it was the AK-47 I had slung over my shoulder, or the gangsta tat on my arm, or the red bandana worn "Tupac style" around my head.
It could have been all of these things, but I think it was the baggy pants.
24 Comments:
Eddie - My template is all messed up and since you are the blogger genius and the amazing creator of my beautiful blog design I come on bended knee to plead for your assistance.
Ok I've buttered you up enough, any ideas?
eddie, this is my question:
WHY were you walking down the street?
it's obvious you weren't exercising, since A) you were wearing jeans and B) you were walking.
just curious. :)
Eddo,
Glad the pants are baggy, but you really are attracting the wrong element these days. Did the plate really say "BALLERZ"? Oh and BTW, I do occasionally have a potty mouth, I'm just scared my parents may be reading my blog and would be shocked (pitiful, I know). My mother is offended that a character in my current novel uses the word "sucks." Doesn't everyone use that word?
Can't a man go for a walk just because it is nice outside?
My mom reads my blog too - she was shocked that I used the word "Crack Ho" and she works at a police department and so I thought that was a term used often.
I don't have a potty mouth, but sometimes I have a bidet mouth -
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=bidet
I meant to add on to that last comment, a bidet mouth is a lot like a potty mouth, only cleaner and more refreshing!
Maybe it was that bidet mouth of yours that attracted 'BALLERZ' :)
Thanks for commenting on my site the other day...love your posts, you're a great writer!
i call your bluff on that eddo! i bet no such thug gave you no such look. you just needed something to blog about.
IF someone did, you need to research a trend among black males called going on the "down low." it will make you more wary... you will cinch those pants up good n' tight!
Amanda Sue - you are a little SASS BASKET!
I leave it up to my readers to whehter or not they want to blow the whistle and throw out the BS card. Sure, this post may be embellished here and there, but my pants ARE baggy - and I DID see a THUG yesterday in the aferementioned Caddy - you can't make stuff like that up... now was I walking in my baggy pants where he could see me? Maybe, Maybe not, the only point I was trying to make was that my pants are baggy because I have lost 30 pounds! And how boring it would have been to say just that... I also wanted to be able to right about Crips, Bloods, and AK-47's but I haven't really cause for that.
Ha-ha! You do know how to tell a story! :) Congrats on the weight loss. So.....those cookies the other night were DIET right?
"Sup Cuz..."
I'll try and be less intimidating next time I drive by.
LOL.
Of course the cookies were diet, it's all in the method of cooking, the calories just disappear magically. Also Eddie could have been doing what I was while we were halving cookies (stomach crunches in my seat as I waited an eternity for Bianca to play her cards - I now have a two pack thanks Bianca, let's get together again and i can work up to a four)
Katie! LOL! That was hilarious! A FOUR PACK! I am loving that one!
I'm just a little jealous about the pants. I'm afraid I don't have anything that is baggy anymore. Was that guy really your cousin?
Well, your married, and you have kids and one on the way, I would say you are doing alright Genuine, even with tight pants - maybe that is a bonus in your household.
"Was that guy really my cousin!" LOL! So funny.
Hey, even if it didn't happen that way...I want to hear your stories that way. I believe you:) Anyway, you have such a talent for writing. How do you use this gift, aside from your blog??
Hey, Faith! Thanks for the compliments - I have written one complete novel and I have only recently begun editing it again and getting it ready for publishing. Anne Fitten has helped me some and I expect that she will be helping me more in the future as time allows.
Well, your married, and you have kids and one on the way, I would say you are doing alright Genuine, even with tight pants - maybe that is a bonus in your household.
"Was that guy really my cousin!" LOL! So funny.
alright, i was feeling fiesty. from now on, i will blow your cover in an email, and not on a national blogsite.
sincerely,
sass bucket
ps i love that nickname! :)
woops. sass basket. that sounds a little better. sass bucket sounds like something yucky. i am a basket, not a bucket.
Sure... whatever sass bucket.
lol.
Hmmm...my 11-year-old whiter than white wanna-be gangster dude says that it's actually 'sup, cuddy.'
At least that's what I hear him saying all the time to his friends on the telephone...
Eddo
Maybe it was because your g-string was showing! Enjoyed your post my son is starting to fall in to the look-I -have-yesterdays-undies-on trap, so I threatend to burn his boxers and buy him g-strings. If you are going to show your undies they need to be something to look at. Congrats on the weightloss I know that losing weight is not easy!
Would it be possible for me to get a fancy website template from you? I have been admiring all the ones you have done (you have a lot of talent by the way), and decided I'm ready to give my page a new look if you are willing to help. Let me know! (you can get my e-mail address from Jes if it's easier to communicate that way!)
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