Mall Moxie
I think I've lost it! Ugh.
I used to could just walk into a mall, find what I was looking for, purchase it and then leave satisfied knowing that I just "owned" that mall and destroyed it with my unheard of male mall moxie.
I went to the mall today and tried on no less that 15 shirts. My arms are big and so are my shoulders, no brag just fact. My waste is getting smaller and that means that I need shirts that are tapered or else the shirts are all billowy around the waste and when you have worked hard to lose said waste then the last thing you want is voluminous amounts of materials draping around your midsection.
Then while in Collin Creek Mall I could NOT FIND THE BATHROOM! I am serious. I actually went to the mall directory thing and found the little restroom sign and still couldn't find it. Livid I went back into Foley's and asked them if they had a bathroom and I finally got to use it. Note to self, do not drink a 44 oz glass of water before you go to the mall to try on 15 shirts.
As I was leaving the mall I would have bet my left you know what on the fact that I had entered through Foley's. I came out of Foley's and looked EVERYWHERE for my truck. After multiple attempts to find it I started to panic. I almost called 911 when I remembered that the doors that I entered through didn't look like Foley's doors, they were much smaller and less trendy. I had entered through Mervyn's! I don't even like Mervyn's how was that possible?
Thanking the Lord above that I didn't call 911 and subsequently look like a stupid fool I hopped in my truck and realized that someone has apparently stolen my Mall Moxie much like Fat Bstrd stole Austin Powers' Mojo.
Have I crossed a point of no return? Have I swam in this pool of bachelorhood for so long that there is no going back to the safety of the metrosexual shores?
I used to love going to the mall and shopping. What is happening to me!? What pray tell is happening to me!!!!! (eddo falls on his knees looks to the sky while the sky darkens, rain falls, and thunder and lightning stike. and... scene.)
7 Comments:
First time here. I got here by someone's link. Posted Note. Cute. Anyway, the malls are insane now. I do think that with time, as we get older, they are not that much fun. Too big. Parking sucks. The people--don't get me started. The sales racks (clearance with pretty good prices) are in the back of stores. And, they are such a mess to go through most of the time. Basically, to say, it's not you. The mall, the clothes, everything about it is changing faster than us and we are not always able to keep up with it. So, take heart. Don't take it all too bad. Take care. Will check back another time.
Dang, to lose your Mall Moxie and the bathroom in the same day; that's gotta hurt.
I just baked some cupcakes, so come on over, Eddo, and have one with me. It'll make you feel better.
Metro isn't all it's cracked up to be anyway Eddo. :)
I can't offer any advice on losing your moxie. I don't have any to spare, or I'd hook a brother up.
Anyway, my suggestion for the shirt dilema: Buy a shirt that you like. Don't worry about the fit at your waist. Take the shirt to your local tailor and have it fixed. I too, suffer from large shoulders and sadly, short arms. I have to have my shirts altered so I don't look like a tribute to a Mr. Bean sketch.
You're going to spend a pretty penny to get the shirt altered. Be sure to get a quality shirt to begin with. There's no use putting chrome on a Pinto.
Eddo, I absolutely adore you, lol. I love this site, I love your stories, I just love it! The shirt situation is a toughie, but lets all thank the Lord with you that you didn't call 911 swearing that someone stole your truck! You poor thing, so lost, so confused, lol. Too much for one day. :)
The bathrooms are in the foodcourt next to McDonalds. just in case you ever have that problem again. That was an awesome story.
Hi, Eddo, this is my first time visiting your site. I found you through FIF. Great blog you have here. Don't worry, I think pretty much everyone has lost their car at one time or another whether they want to admit it or not. I know I have. :)
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