Let.It.Go
For some reason as adults we tend to hold on to things that hurt us in the past. We have unforgiveness in our hearts, we hold grudges, we are historical. As someone who has always been a bit emotional, I had to learn that sometimes people hurt you unintentionally and you have to just let it go.
As I look around at my friends and family I often see people allowing past hurts to continue to shape their futures. Relationships are so often severed because people want to continue to punish someone for something that they did in the past. Distance is created, walls are put into place, bridges are burned. We hold onto our wounds, we pick at them and never let them heal.
The question I must ask is the same question my mother asked my step sister - "How long is long enough? When will you stop punishing him? How many years does he have to suffer for something that he did 40 years ago?" My Father isn't the same man he was 40 years ago. That was a different lifetime, that was Dad B.C. - Before Christ. He wasn't verbally or physically abusive to his daughters, but he wasn't a good father either. It wasn't something he did on purpose, he didn't have a good father either, and his own father, my grandfather, didn't have a good role model either. Three generations of bad parenting cannot be changed overnight. My dad has changed. He is a great man, one of the greatest, most loving, kind-hearted men I know. He has done all that he can to undo all his past mistakes. He has said his apologies, there is nothing more he can do. At 70 he works full time and spends his weekends ministering to young men at a boys home mentoring and being a father to those that need a father figure in their lives. My step-sister only hurts herself by holding on to her unforgiveness. She has traded a relationship with her dad for a relationship with her hurt.
We all make mistakes. Each of us has scars from our parents, our exes, and sometimes even our closest friends. Don't hold on to unforgiveness, it only hurts you. Move forward with your life and learn from those experiences. It isn't always an easy thing to do. It takes time, but the freedom of letting that burden go is immeasurable.
Let.It.Go.
As Always, I love you...
24 Comments:
Hmmm...I just posted a thoughtful comment and it disappeared! Now I'll have to see if I can remember what I said. In the mean time...I like this design. Also, while you're changing up your site, can you fix your RSS feed so that it goes to this main page instead of your about page? I use Sage with Mozilla and I can't tell when you've posted a new one. tx!
I have had to learn to forget and forgive especially when it comes to Man and all that he has done. Being angry and holding grudges can make your life hard and make you feel sick physically. Even though it can be hard forgiving can be a big relief.
Also, I love the new look of your site!
As always, your #1 Fan!
Good words Eddo. We do have to let go if only to allow ourselves to move on in life.
LOVE the new site. Wow two new designs in less than 24 hours.
Hmmm...you're getting closer...now the RSS points to your photos page. ooh...skinning that's what it's called. That would be cool. Hubby moved me off blogger and onto wordpress with my new design. I wonder if you can skin in wordpress. hmmm...
Still trying to remember my first thoughtful comment...
I LOVE this look. Really do. This post is really meaningful. Good reminder Eddo.
There's a little typo on your profile on the left side of your page. The third "I'd like to post a note" is missing the "like", I believe.
Take care, my friend.
Beautifully said and highly perceptive.
I also had problems with my parents until I could look back with wisdom, age and experience and say:
1. Everyone keeps maturing. Parents aren't "grown ups", they're "growing ups."
2. My parents were a darned sight better than most of my friend's parents were. I just didn't see into their everyday lives enough to know that then.
What I learned from this: I am a better parent than my parents because I know where they messed up and I am thankful that they were my object lesson. And where they were great examples, I try to emulate them. And I tell my son constantly that I am still a "growing up", not a grown up.
For the first 2 years of my marriage, I held on to the past. I was so angry at my husband for things he had done to me (cheated on me during my pregnancy.) That was BC, though. I was still angry. It only stopped when I stopped focusing on him and asked God to work on my heart. And I realized that I wanted so many things from our marriage. I wanted to move forward but still be angry; and I realized you can't ever do both. You have to choose. So I chose forgiveness. I beleive we would be divorced if it weren't for my choice to move forward, Thank you Lord.
Ah, Lava and I were just talking about something similar, probably stemmed from the same thing and we basically were in agreeance with your mentality. But I do think that you are only the victim if you allow yourselves to continue to be.
I had a boyfriend throughout High school that was completely abusive, possessive, and controlling. AFter I left him I used to wake up in the middle of the night in cold sweats with dreams or memories about what he did. It took me many years to get past that, but I still went on hating him for atleast 5 years after our breakup. But what I had realized is that me hating him wasn't making my life any better and his life any worst. Upon lots of prayer I finally realized to Let.It.Go. I instantly forgave him for his past mistakes, and this burden was instantly released off my shoulders. To this day I realize that if I hadn't gone through that experience I wouldn't be who I am today, and I remind my friends and family of that too when they try to blame him for "taking away their little girl"..
OH and I love love love your new template! It feels like old world Europe in here!
Love the new design Eddo
Holly (friend of Jes)
I think holding the hatred inside us hurts us much more than the object of our original wrath.
Whether we should or should not ever interact with the individual is irrelevant, the pain and hatred we harbor is a festering wound that just grows with time.
You are right, for her own benefit, let it go
Saurkraut - I love that! Parents aren't grown ups they're growing ups. Parents are human, and humans are far from perfect.
I too believe that holding on to bitterness and resentment solves nothing, and the freedom in letting go is well worth it. God calls us to forgive one another and love each other.
Have a safe drive home!
JCol & Cat
yay! Your RSS is working and pointing to the correct page. Thanks for fixing that!
You're so smart Eddo. For real, I was thinking about these eame issues recently - it's so true - you do have to let it go - HTe only person that hurts from unforgiveness is the one harboring it.
Love you - Had fun at lunch Saturday!
Oh - I love love love your new design!!! Love it!
Eddo this is such a great post. I am so sorry about the circumstances, but its a great reminder to all of us.
As for the new site- SCANDALOUS! Its really awesome! I agree w/Msthang- feels like old world Europe!
He He. I was just thinking about last night, when I said, "Eddo, I love your look!" and you were all like, "well, I thought about going more blond", all while acting like I was talking about YOU. That was hilarious! Good times, good times.
Hmmm, ya I understand your sister more than I want to. I'm so unfair to my step kids sometimes. I have to work on it having a bad dad. My wife kept telling me I needed to let it go until I told her about a conversation I had with him a few years ago. From then on she totally agreed with my point of view. My sisters now distance from me for 2 reasons, 1) they project their negative feelings of their dad on me, 2) I don't give into their pandering to him.
Found out this weekend that he will be moving to OK with his second wife. This is their 4th move and her 3rd husband. Hmmm, no she isn't in it for money is she?
To get over the anger I just had to totally sever the ties. It's easier for both of us.
On the design, cool, been wanting to ask you about that as I need to make mine look much more cool.
~Jef
i dont like your new site at all. I think its dumb. I dont liek the picture. I dont like the font. I dont like the fact that there is too much stuff. I dont liek the fact there isnt ice cream. I dont liek the fact you dont reference George W Bush anywhere. I dont like that there is daycare provided for the kids that I dont liek NOT having right now. I dont like the fact that this is too much change for me to handle on a Monday. I dont like the fact there is no Kung fu represented ANYWhere on this new design. I dont like that its in English when EVERYONE knows that all of teh good sites are done in Spanish (DUH!!) I dont like the color. I dont like the shape. I dont like the fact that it makes me somehow feel fat. I dont like that there is no old school rap like the Fila Fresh Crew or some good hair metal ANYWHERE (and I looked). I dont like the fact that I cant stop typing stupid things in this comment section.
other than that I think it looks pretty good
and i REALLy dont like that i cant type the word LIKE consistantly to save my life...
What's wrong with Jubal? I think he's going into Texan withdrawal. Jubal, you need to post your Texas weekend pics. It will make you feel better.
I love the new Look Eddo! I MEAN I REALLY LIKE IT! Anyways...
We are to forgive as Christ forgives us...ummm Obviously this doesn't happen unless Chirst is in us because it not our nature to forgive! Actually I am writing a children's book on this right now! Funny but you are in the story!
Best regards from NY!
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What a great site »
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