Relationships are Hard...
... but I am easy... but not THAT easy.
I just got in from meeting 2 girls for dinner that I met through this blog. One of them emailed me and wanted to know if I wanted to meet up for dinner and I said sure. She said she was bringing a friend and I was happy about that because I don't like to be alone with a girl I have never met before - for safety reasons. (hey, I bruise easy!)
Anyway, it was sort of like a blind date because I had never seen her and trust me - anytime two adults get together for "just coffee" or "just dinner" it is sort of like a date.
So we went to Freebirds and I was sitting there eating and listening and they started talking about relationships past and present and one of the girls was like, "Why aren't you chiming in on this?" and in my head I am thinking... "because I don't want to!" - ha ha. I am being honest. (sorry girls) They were both very sweet and funny and smart and Christian, but when I meet girls for the first time it is important that we get to know each other, not about each other's past relationships.
One other thing you might not know about me is that I am a people reader. If I am talking, I need to know that you are listening or else I stop talking. And if I tell a joke and you don't laugh and I think it was funny, then there is a problem. You+Me - Laughter = No Chemistry to the power of 10.
I don't have my expectations too high, but I do expect laughter to come pouring forth in heaps whenever I say something funny - and if it is not funny then do not, and I repeat, do not do the fake drum sound like I just told a punch line that was supposed to be funny but really wasn't. (okay, I am a little overly sensitive about my sense of humor... but trust me, most people think I am slightly funny, okay, it's more like 1 out of 10 people surveyed think Eddo is funny, but you need to be that one)
Also, one of the girls said, "I want a guy that when people see us together people say 'why is he with her?' I want to marry up." The other girl pointed at herself like she agreed, like ME TOO!
I, of course, made a mental note so that I would remember to write about that here on my blog and so here you go...
I think for relationships to work, both parties need to feel like they married up, but this is MUCH, MUCH, MUCH, MUCH more important to the guy. He needs to feel like he married so high up that he doesn't want to be with any other girl in THE WORLD. Okay, that is impossible, even when guys do get married they still wonder what it would have been like to be with someone else, women do it too, but the thing of it is if you married up then you know that you most likely can't do better and therefore, you are more content.
The thing of it is, I don't have the whole relationship thing figured out, but I ain't worried bout it and if you are single you should't be either. It will happen when it happens and in the meantime I plan to have a blast being a single dude with lots of disposable income that I can spend on movies, eating junk, electronics, computer software, traveling, and just having a good time.
As for the two ladies I met last night, for you the sweet one, you have beautiful blue eyes and wonderful perfume, I will pray that God sends you good men to date and not weirdos or men that don't treat you like you deserve. Every woman deserves a good man. They are out there, I am not saying I am one of them, but they do exist. I think. Maybe.
And for the confident one, you are a bit of an enigma, wrapped in a puzzle, bottled in a conundrum - maybe one day you will shorten your list of "must haves" and settle for "marital bliss and passionate love-making." (blush) Is the world really worth dominating? I don't think so.
As for me and my overly self-deprecating self, I am staying up late, watching a movie, sipping on gin and juice, laid back, with my mind on my money and my money on my mind.
43 Comments:
Oh my word Eddo. Just... oh my word. hehe you are just too much!
By the way: get your butt on yahoo so I can say Hi!
" I bruise easy". Oh Eddo. You crack me up.
Just the thought of a blind date makes my stomach turn. How do you do it??
Good to see you are at peace with where God has you. He has a plan for your life, and for your wife!
(I'm a poet and don't noet).
Wait. there is a word.. there.. in your post.. that confuses me.. Date? What is that? Is that like.. the calendar thing or.. am I missing something? LOL.. Good for you on your pereceptiveness.. mind the coffee table and your easily brusied self on the way to bed LOL
you watched Mrs. Doubfire? I love that movie!
(I know, I know they are lyrics too..sheesh!! Talk about misunderstood humor.)
You're so wise for one so young, Eddo. And you're hilarious.
well put. sounds like an interesting "date".
ps I don't think that "relationships" should EVER be the conversation topic of a first meeting! (that is just asking for an insert foot in mouth situation to occur)
Blind date. The words make me shudder. I am so glad I am married, but better yet- I am so glad I am married to my husband. He doesn't want much, he just wants me to wrap my arms around him at the end of his long, hard days.
I love your honesty in this post, too. I also love what you said about people talking when you talk...I am JUST LIKE THAT. If I think I am not being heard, I will just stop talking. I hate when ppl do that to me. I have a friend who is always talking to her kids or (yelling at them) while I am in midsentence. It is so annoying.
And I concur: "ick" on the blind date thing. Scary.
wait. Freebirds? Eddie. Really. DID YOU NOT REMEMBER THAT I LIVE TEN SECONDS FROM FREEBIRDS?
If I had known you were going to be there, I totally could have gone and sat in a corner with my camera.
Wouldn't that have been fun?
I don't understand women who have lists of "must haves" in a guy. I approached dating (WAY back when I was dating, tee-hee) the much simpler way. I like you + you like me = let's go out and see what happens. Who wants to go into a relationship with a list of expectations to have to constantly keep up with? Not me!
So glad that I am not dating anymore. I hate dating. Although now I date my wife and it is really fun. I married up... but now you have me wondering about whether she married up...? Not that I care. :)
Expectations are resentments waiting to happen. That is the philosophy I am living by this month. Whether it's applied to friends, family or potential partners too many expectations can kill a relationship.
A blind "date" and you got 2 for the price of one. I'm not sure that's a good thing. It's too easy to talk to the person you know and are comfortable with and unintentionally leave the third party out.
Hope you weren't too bruised.
Ben, you definitely married up, poor Syd, I think she must have been blind or something. I bet when she finally got lasic surgery she was sorely dissapointed! hahahaha!
Heather - good point about "Expectations are resentments waiting to happen" I will remember that line.
And now you know. And knowing is half the battle.
HA!
I see you are still bitter about my Ipod comment yesterday. lol.
Of COURSE Sydney married up.
Dude... you are U-G-L-Y... and you smell. Like me, you will marry up.
Right on Ben, I am a lamo on the highest level, any girl I marry will be marrying up. Thank God for hypnosis and hallucinogenic drugs!
Expectations are resentments waiting to happen.
Amen! Like when you expect a beleiver to have a certain degree of respectful honesty, kindness, and tact and they instead passive-aggressively (and self-righteously at that) badmouth you on their blog?
I am certainly resentful.
eddie I want to comment but I have nothing to add, dating is so off my radar right now I almost feel like a nun
but you make me laugh my friend and that is ALWAYS a good thing
:)
Screaming broccoli, I think you might misinterpret my sense of humor, obviously you did last night on more than one occasion.
You signed up to meet me. You know I have a blog. I even told you that I was going to write about our talk last night and I don't think anything that I have said here was hurtful. It was honest, and I think it was tactful.
What did you want me to say? What did you expect to come hear and read? You bombarded me with questions, overloaded me with data, and you talked incessantly about everything that you wanted and what you had been through and I listened. I was there to meet your friend, not you. And now I see that having you come along was a mistake.
It is obvious that you have Many friends that hold you in high regard. Your friends is crazy about you, she is VERY sweet, and I wish you both the best.
I think we had a clashing of personalities and maybe it was unfair of me to be nice and polite last night when in reality you worried me with a lot of the things you said.
I don't know why you feel the need to attack me on my blog when I didn't attack you and no one even knows who I am talking about.
Eddo I wasn't there but I seriously doubt that this is exactly how things went down (especially considering I know both of these girls and consider them very good friends). I also know that they simply wanted to meet you because of the nice things you have done for them in the past (like dressing up there blogs with your talents) and weren't interested in dating or interviewing you for a potential future.
Maybe if you had just taken it as a night to get to know a couple of nice girls you wouldn't have scrutinized everything that was said. Oh, and believe me that all girls have expectations and standards that they look for in a date (in case you failed to notice a girl has a lot more at stake when it comes to marraige...they make a mad the head of their house and spiritual head). I think we girls have to be sure we want this man before he becomes spiritually responsible for us and is given the task of taking care of us...no need to choose a loser that will never amount to anything just because he's cute.
Fight! Fight!
(Just Kidding.)
Also for the record... in Eddie's defense, he and I ridicule each other on our blogs all the time. Just having fun. Eddie is my friend... even though I said that he was ugly and smells and that he is shallow and has a limited storage capacity.
It's all in good fun... we normally poke fun at ourselves too... so no ill will is meant or implied as we spew forth our comments back and forth.
Sorry other people don't read you the same way I do my friend. I like the fact that you can take a joke... zip it back in my direction.
I'm glad you allow anonymous posts. i dopn't want there to be any anymosity.
Jacque probably did talk a lot. She has a lot to say. But you talked about her huge list of "must haves."
My friend, it would seem that you also have a large listof "must haves," too. Come on ----- you practically critiqued her entire personality, contrasting SWEET with CONFIDENT. Not cool.
One thing to consider: Jackie has some hot friends. If I were u, I'd get to apologizing real quick.
Jacque knows the "My Buddy" song, too. Give her a chance, home skillet!
--Andy Hogue, President
Republic of Denton.
The proper response would be, "I'm sorry."
I wasn't offended by your sense of humor, I just wasn't amused by it- which offended you (as you go on and on about in your post). I was offended by that which was offensive and because you veil your insults in 'jokes' and misrepresent me so grossly doesn't change what you're doing. I could point out the misperceptions like the fact that your meeting with my friend was in no way a date but I won't bother.
"The Sweet One" asked me to meet you so she wouldn't have to go alone. I declined before I was asked by her again and by Hayley for safety reasons. I did go of my own free will, yes. Does that excuse your passive-agression? I think not.
What did I want you to say? 'Nothing' would have been appropriate. I didn't like you one bit, but you wouldn't seeing me blogging about it. I had decided against it with the cardinal "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all" rule. I came to find the comment I'd forgotten about that you'd referred to and saw this- to which I did blog, only in response.
You can try to play off your intentions as harmless, but it obvious they are not. That, "it was just a joke" thing stopped working in the 7th grade.
You know, I blog about people I meet, even anonymously but if I think they'd see it and be hurt by it, I keep it private. I know who you are talking about, so will she and you knew we would. Not that it's of consequence to you.
I'll take that apology any time.
Anon, you don't even know me. Who said anything about "hot"?
Ugh. I went out of my way to be nice last night and the fact that someone has taken my words offensively instead of taking it as constructive criticisim is upsetting.
But that's life, hopefully the next two girls I meet understand me better.
Ben: I'm with you. Dating STINKS!!! The single life is one big huge meat market that I want nothing to do with!
I'm hoping that God drops the future Mr. Stephanie Man in my lap one day and says, "Here he is! Enjoy!"
It's going to happen just like that. It is!
Hmph. There's a lot of hulabalou flying around these comments.
Do I know either of these girls? I don't know. But I will say this:
a) Eddie is one of the most magnificent men I know. But not more magnificent than my husband, of course. :)
b) Women and Men suffer from a disease that I like to call We Don't Know How To Communicate, which results in thousands of dollars in counseling. I totally need to go back to school and get into that business.
c) It's obvious that every person, whether male, female, hetero or homo, have certain expectations of significant others, friends, acquaintences, etc, however major or minor. It's impossible not to! And I don't think this is a bad thing, either. I also don't think this is a topic for an initial meeting.
So, I hope the food was at least good. I like to get the cayenne tortilla with steak, rice, cheese, black beans, tomatos and lettuce, and then LOTS of lime juice. yum!
Oh well, I forgive you anyway.
But that- right there- that "constructive criticism" you're claiming. That's exactly what I mean by self-righteous. How arrogant do you think you are that you can offer constructive criticism? I could extend constructive criticism to you on several aspects of your personality and passivity, but I don't condascend to think that it's appropriate for me to criticise. That's quite assanine seeings how you've never been married and yet you're so rife with advice.
I'll agree that we have a personality conflict. The difference between you and I is that I didn't feel the need to broadcast it at the expense of others to make myself feel better.
I'll go now. But if I were you, I'd make this entry private before "the sweet one" sees it. It will really hurt her feelings, not that I would suspect you would care.
And by the way, after having read the rest of the posts AFTER I had posted my latest comment, I am now painfully aware of the grossly BAD sense of timing I seem to have right here.
This is heavy stuff, and I obviously jumped in at a REALLY bad time!
Oh for crying out loud, Eddie, I think you're great! And that's all you need to know! ;)
Jacqueline, I am still clueless as to what you found so offensive.
If I am talking, I need to know that you are listening or else I stop talking.
My hubby gets mad at me when I do this, but I can't help it. I need to know I have his attention.
Secondly, you're too too funny. :-)
I just re-read this post and realized that some of the information might have sounded like it was directed at the 2 girls i met last night - most of it was and that information I do not take back nor do I apologize for, the stuff that wasn't was just general advice for meeting anyone. Hey, I am not perfect by any means, but I do know a thing or two about social settings and what is, and isn't correct. What about that one point where you asked me, "Are we boring you?" If you knew you needed to ask that then you probably also knew that you were boring me.
I am not trying to be defensive or arrogant in this post, I am just constantly surprised by the number of girls that I meet that ask me questions and then when they are given feedback they get all huffy. Here I want to borrow a line from Dr. Phil -"Get Real". I also want to borrow
I think Jackie what you need to learn from this is that you shouldn't meet people in person that you don't know without setting up some rules first, especially if every detail of their life is written about on their website.
I think you said it best last night, "With you, guys never win"
Dating ain't for sissies.
Since you're so open to giving advice, here's some for you:
I think what you need to learn from this is not to be such a girl. If someone asks you if they're boring you and the answer is Yes, say Yes. Don't lie and say no, only to complain about it later. And don't have the audacity to give advice when you have two personas- The web one that is psuedo-honest and somewhat forthright and the face-to-face one that it ultra-passive and hypersensitive.
I apologized on my blog for not responding the way you wanted to your sense of humor. I had no way of knowing you would be so touchy. More advice: Not everyone is going to find you funny and that doesn't mean that you're not funny. I don't find Ray Romano funny but that doesn't mean that most Americans don't think he's a riot. And I doubt that he would take it personally and blog excessively about the fact that I don't find him funny. Neither should you.
Also, as a researcher, I know it's not possible to infer that if someone doesn't like you that implies that there is something wrong with them. Not true. I have met many people on set-ups, after phone conversations (very blind date like) and everything turned out swimmingly each time. Some turned into friendships, others relationships but none turned into anything like this. Should I then beleive that something's wrong with me because you don't like me? No. Should you believe something's wrong with you because I don't like you? No.
We could concede that we had a personality clash and it was an anamoly for the two of us, but I didn't blame you for it. I certainly do blame you for the ensuing crap that came forth from you blogging about it.
That being said, I apologize for unintentionally hitting your tender spot with the 'humor thing' and I forgive you for all else. And that is all the talking we'll ever need to do. :)
Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.
lol! oh my word! we all know what you meant Eddo and it was all good. Hope you have a great day.
I'm so asking Ben's wife on a date.
Very cool design! Useful information. Go on! film editing classes
Post a Comment
Links to this post:
Create a Link
<< Home