A Reply to Elvin Rubins – The Spammer

Dearest Elvin,

I recently received your correspondence and with multiple manuals and lots of hours I was able to decipher the code. I do enjoy reading updates about weapons of mass destruction, the Taliban, where the real Holy Grail is actually being hidden or moved, and when Jesus Christ is going to return.

I am sure that other secret societies like the Mason’s, Opus Dei, or the Illumanati are still using esoteric means to communicate their information. I can still remember when they were using the Pony Express when the rest of the world was using trains and the telegram! How ingenious of you to package your info in the form of spam.

In response to your most recent epistle, I will respond with a mass email. The body will contain promises of millions of dollars stuck in accounts in foreign lands and possibly new information about a plague that is sweeping the nation. Use page 101.3.4.5.6 of the E.N.C.R.Y.P.T.R. and cross reference with page 658.3 in the B.S.R.

In a couple of days time you will find my latest update concerning world peace, how the lottery is rigged, and where Osama Bin Laden is hiding.

I must again tell you how delighted I am by the effectiveness of our mass email campaign. Instead of hiding our communication, we give it to everyone in the world and they think it is junk – Brilliant!

Till we meet again at Ezekiels Clock!