I got this from Nikki Elliot who got it from her boss Mr. Fletcher- who happens to be one of the nicest, coolest people I know...

The Ant and the Grasshopper

OLD VERSION:
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed.
The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Be responsible for yourself!

MODERN VERSION:

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.
Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving.
CBS, NBC, and ABC show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with  food.
America is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?
Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper, and everybody cries when they sing, "It's Not Easy Being Green."
Jesse Jackson stages a demonstration in front of the ant's house where the news stations film the group singing, "We shall overcome."
Jesse then has the group kneel down to pray to God for the grasshopper's sake.
Tom Daschle & John Kerry exclaim in an interview with Peter Jennings that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and both call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his "fair share."
Finally, the EEOC drafts the "Economic Equity and Anti-Grasshopper Act," retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The ant is fined for  failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the government.
Hillary gets her old law firm to represent the grasshopper in a defamation suit against the ant, and the case is tried before a panel of federal judges that Bill appointed from a list of single-parent welfare recipients.
The ant loses the case.
The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits of the ant's food while the government house he is in, which just happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles around him because he doesn't maintain it.
The ant has disappeared in the snow.
The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the once peaceful neighborhood.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Vote Republican

Joe's Crap Shack

My dudes came up to see me last night here in Plano- all of them- Nathan, Cody, Dumas and David Lee.  They still impress me when I am with them, they just all have it so together.  All of them are in college, all of them have integrity, and brains, and Jesus- what more do they need?
We went to Joe's Crab Shack for dinner- let me just say that I didn't complain last night, but I am complaining now- for the price- it just ain't worth it.  The food tasted good, but not great, and for 11.99 I felt like I should have gotten more food or a salad and hot garlic cheese biscuits like you do at Red Lobster.  It is the step child to Red Lobster as far as I am concerned.
We ate outside which was nice.  The weather has been amazing lately, 75-85 degrees for the last 3 days- absolutely wonderful for Texas in July.

After dinner we went back to my apartment where we watched the Amazing Race- Television is always more fun when you are watching it with friends- we had a blast making fun of the contestants- I was actually suprised that they wanted to stay and hang out and just watch TV.
When I was younger, in my early twenties, I used to have no friends at all.  I mean really, and so when I started to make friends I always wondered, "Why does this person want to hang out with me?"  It was a little problem known as "Low Self-Esteem".  I don't have that problem anymore, and I have lots of friends- no brag, just fact.  The thing of it is, that every now and then I still wonder- "Why in the world does this person want to hang out with me?" Sometimes I am not even that much fun, I can be when I want to be, but sometimes I am a real bore, a drag, a toad.
So, even though I wasn't impressed with Joe's Crap Shack- I still had a great time with Cody, Nathan, Dumas and David. 
Much Love.

Napolean... DY-NO- MITE!!

Simple humor, odd characters, and flimsy plot make Napolean Dynamite an oddly
hilarious movie about nothing.  And nothing seems to work- Seinfeld did it for 9 or 10 years and it worked for them...

There is no real story here other than the fact that the movie is entertaining like
reality TV.  You can't help watching it because it is so bizarre. 
An independent film, written and directed by two BYU graduates of Radio, Television
and Film- it happens to be one of the best movies I have seen all year.
Uncle Rico has a Pancharrelli-esque feel about him, he is trapped in the past
longing to go back in time and become the starting football player he should have
been.

Then there is Napolean Dynamite's brother Kip- 32 years old, dating a woman online
named Lafawnduh- a hot older sexy black woman that normally wouldn't give a second
glance, but she is crazy about him and it is irnonic and funny and you keep thinking
that something is going to happen and that she will dump him- but she doesn't.
Pedro is Napolean's best friend.  He has a cool bike and he is Spanish and odd and
very un-emotional.  There are a number of funny moments with Pedro but my favorite
is when he creates a pinata that looks like his rival for class president.  You get
to see a group of Mexican's whack the crap out of the pinata and it is hilarious.
Napolean Dyanamite the star of the show is odd, and suprisingly secure ih himself,
or oblivious to the fact that he is a super-loser by most high school standards.  He
is abrupt and simple, and has really bad hair, but he is very likeable and you want him to succeed, you want him to be accepted, you want people to be nice to him.

This movie is so different in that it never really stresses one extreme or another- Napolean is never really picked on too much or as much as you would expect.  Then there is Pedro, no one ever says anything to Pedro, he just seems to be invisible to everyone else but Napolean.

There is also a love interest, as there always is, and has to be in any great movie- and she is great, but I can't remember her name...

Uncle Rico is almost slimy, you think that he is going to be a real creep, but then he turns out to be just sort-of creepy, but he isn't a pedophile, or womanizer, he is just a little goofy and weird.
The whole movie is like that- you are on the edge of your seat thinking that something is going to happen that doesn't.  Thinking that Napolean is going to break down and cry, or get beat up, but he doesn't... and that's what makes it great. Unpredictablity, packaged nice and neatly without beautiful people, or cussing, or special effects- I give it 4 out of 5 stars.

Content or Lazy?

Please don't mistake my contentedness for Lazyness.  Sure I don't work out 7 times a week, I don't get out every evening and hang out with friends, or play tennis, or hopscotch.  I don't always feel the need to go shopping for new clothes when I really need them, I don't always do my laundry when it is necessary either. This is what happens when you start getting older. You become more comfortable in who you are, you become more relaxed, less on-edge, keyed-down, mellow.

Sure, I used to workout all the time, I ate healthy, I worked a full time job, I went to school full time while working full time and I still worked out all the flippin time- and I was good at it.  I had a great body, friends in droves, money, a nice car, a plethora of things to do, but there were times when I was miserable.  I used to have emotional problems- emotional highs and lows, some might say an emotional rollercoaster.  Most of the time I was way up, but when I came down, I came down hard and most of the time I hid it pretty well.

Now I rarely workout, I eat what I want, I read a whole lot, I chill and relax and I am loving it.  Like I said in earlier posts, I cherish this time because I know it is only temporary.  So why am I writing about this? Well let me tell you...

I have a couple of friends that are new friends.  All of my older friends know who I am and they don't try to change me, but the new friends are constantly asking me to work out, or to hang out, or to do something out when I really just want to stay in.

These same friends seem to have a problem not just with my contentedness, but with anyone who is so content that they have put on a few pounds.  Hey, it's the American dream- leave me alone and stop complaining about everyone else, let them live their freaking lives.  If they want to eat themselves into an early grave, then let them.  You can't change people.  No amount of badgering is going to help the situation.  My advice is that if someone tells you that they are on a diet, then encourage them.  Cheer them on, otherwise, keep your fat mouth shut!

Here lately I tire of hearing people complain about politics, Iraq, West Nile, reality tv, etc.  I want people to chill out and stop telling me their opinions on the matter, I want them to stop hearing other peoples ideas and regurgitating them, I want people to stop jumping on a bandwagon just because Ben Affleck is doing it.  And most of all, I want people to do something about it, or shut up about it. If you don't like George Bush, then don't vote for him, just don't try to change my mind, I am an adult, I can read, I can make an intelligent decision for myself- and if I can't I will ask a few people I admire and respect to help me out on the issues.

I haven't had a good tirade on here for a while, I just needed to vent because this week a couple of people have T/O'd me because they don't know when to stop talking.

Mixed Emotions about Chad Millers 30th birthday

Yesterday I went to a party for Chad Miller's 30th birthday.  I love Chad, I lov parties, but I wasn't really expecting a party of 20-30 people mostly couples and a few kids.  It's odd how content you can be being single and then you go to a party that is nothing but couples and babies and new babies and expecting mothers and for crying out loud (as many of the babies did) you can't help but think, "Thank God I am still single!!!"

I realized that when people get married, especially newlyweds, or expecting mothers they stop talking about baseball and football and shopping and cooking, rather they start talking about the best diapers, how far apart in age their children are, and how they were suprised to find out they were expecting.

Single men and women talk about all their disposable income, their new cars, their careers, their favorite TV shows, For Love of Money, Last Comic Standing, the hottest new movies. 

Married people talk about their "young married's" bible studies, couples cruises, and each other. 

The crazy thing about this party is that I wasn't expecting it to be mostly couples, I wasn't expecting the young kids that were really, really cute, and most of all- I never would have expected to have such a great time being a single man in a room full of couples. 

All nightI never felt like I needed a significant other.  I never felt incomplete or inadequate.  I finally realized that I am growing up and that life has ti's stages, its moments, its season's for everything.   I used to let small gatherings like this one freak me out, I used to want to get married right away, I used to need to have 2 kids, a car, a house, a retirement plan- now I look at my life and thank God for the blessed moments of peace that I have to just spend time alone.  I thank him for the times when I need to just chill at home and read or watch Oprah without any distractions or interruptions.  I cook when I want, I eat when I want, I work out when I want.  I know the time will come when I will settle down and get married, but for now, I am not going to doubt this time for a single second.  I am not going to wish, or ponder, or hope, or fantasize about having that perfect family, that perfect wife.  Rather, I am going to marinate in the blessed serenity of few responsibities and commitments.  Movies 3 times a week, hot wings, pizza, road trips, dinners with friends, games with singles- it's a great time to be me...

An while I am waiting to have my own kids, I can always borrow somoene else's.  I can smile and laugh at married people's stories, I can listen and learn what to do and not do do in a marriage. 

Chad's party was great.  I had mixed emotions about it at the beginning, but in the end it was a really fun evening.  I am especially fond of Chad's Mom and Lisa's mom.  They are both such sweet women and I love just talking to them and their husbands.  They always ask the parental things like, "What are you doing now" and "where are you living".  Older Parents are always such a neat picture of stability and perseverance.  They seem to emanate a calm that only comes from years of "seeing it all".

 
Well, I have so much more to write about, but I don't want you to get in trouble at work, or to keep you from doing your homework or something more important- please come back soon.

I love you.

 

The Rookie Joke

Have you ever been Snipe hunting?

Have you ever been asked to go and get a "Wire-stretcher" or a "bat-stretcher"  If so, then you are probably the butt of a "rookie joke".

Snipe hunting is where a group of friends take a person out into the middle of the
woods looking for Snipes.  You tell the unsusupecting person(s) that they should be
looking for small black birds that don't fly at night.  The trick comes in
separating yourself from your victim by telling them that you are going to go off in
the woods and run the Snipes in their direction.  Once they see the birds running they can catch them in a trash bag. This is a lot of fun because you can either leave the person in the woods, or you can circle back around behind them and scare the bejesus out of them.   Sometimes you can act like you are getting chased by a Park Ranger, or a bobcat, or the goat man- get creative!  

When I worked at Boeing in Corinth, I worked on a line called Power Feeder.  I helped build the cables that ran the power to the engines in the 747, 777, and AWACS.  I had only been working there a couple of weeks when I accidentally cut a cable too short.  I was sent to the tool room to get the "Wire stretcher".  When I got to the tool room I was sent to another shop where apparently someone else had it, then I was sent to another room, and another room, till finally this sweet lady said, "Honey, there ain't no wire stretcher, those mean guys are pulling a joke on you."  An hour later I went back to the shop feeling like a fool. 

I was reminded of this because there is supposed to be a new show this fall coming out that involves baseball and I heard someone say, "Hey, go get the bat stretcher" I didn't realize that this joke also branched out into other areas, but now that I work in a helpdesk where we get a lot of newbies, I think we should start our own practical joke.  

Everyone loves a good practial joke... don't they?

My Tooth Hurts!

What time is it when you have to go to the dentist?

Tooth:Hurty!

My entire upper torso is in pain.  My head hurts, my face hurts, my front teeth hurt, my ear hurts- the pain is emanating from my upper left back tooth and is radiating from my body so that even when people get near me, they too are crippled with pain.

I don't understand why my tooth still hurts, I have already spent a months salary on this tooth which has required 2 root canals and 2 crowns over 10 years.

Should I just get this thing removed?  Isn't that like 5 bucks? But they say that your teeth will get all wampy-jawed if you have one pulled. I can't afford braces at 28!

Moments of Silence and phones that don't ring...
 
This weekend started off with a game of Tennis.  Maksim, my Russian friend who I work with and lives in my apartment complex told me he was going to play Tennis Friday night- I was thinking... umm.... No.  But those Russian's are more persuasive than one might think.  I finally acquiesced, changed into my workout clothes, slipped on the old Nike's, and headed up to the very nice tennis court that we have in our complex. 
 
Raj and Margarita showed up- Raj is Indian- not to be confused with Native American, and Margarita is from Russia as well even though her name sounds Mexican.  So, we had our own little international tournament going- it was really a lot of fun.  Normally I go out on Friday nights, watch a movie, have some dinner, spend at least 20 bucks, normally more, and so it was kind of nice not going out, but just staying in and getting in a workout.  After the tennis we went back to Raj's place- he also lives in our complex and works here at TI and we had some mint chocolate chip ice cream- it is even better after a game of tennis, I don't think I have ever had ice cream that close after a game, but man it was good.
 
Saturday I rented Cold Mountain...
 
This cold movie filled my heart with sorrow.  It scraped out my insides the way my mom used to scrape the seeds out of a cantelope.  When it was over I felt hollow and raw.  The movie is about two people that barely know each other but are fiercely in love.  War tears them apart, but it also seems to bring them closer together.   Nicole Kidman writes to Jude Law and says, "If you are fighting, stop fighting, if you are marching, stop marching... come back to me, come back to me" It is this poignant phrase that moves the battle scarred Jude to desert and traipse miles cross country to get back to Nicole.
 
The acting is wonderful, the story is amazing, it's like eating a big bowl of your favorite cereal only to find out when your finished that what you just ate is going to kill you- in other words it has a killer of an ending.
 
This is a song from the movie- Allison Kraus won a grammy I believe for this...
 
You'll walk unscathed through musket fire,No ploughman's blade will cut thee down,No cutlass pull will mark thy face,And you will be my ain true love,And you will be my ain true loveAnd as you walk through death's dark vale,The cannon's thunder can't prevail,And those who hunt thee down will fail,And you will be my ain true love,And you will be my ain true love.Asleep inside the cannon's mouth,The captain cries, "Here comes the rout,"They'll seek to find me north and south,I've gone to find my ain true love.The field is cut and bleeds too red,The cannon balls fly round my head,The infirmary man may count me dead,When I've gone to find my ain true love,I've gone to find my ain true love.
 
I love Saturdays when I am at home alone, the phone not ringing, no responsibilities, no plans on the calendar.   That is the way most of the weekend was, I kept it low key, lots of reading, lots of silence- these are a few of my favorite things.
 
 

Where have all the Latin's gone?
 
Oh you get me ready in your 56 Chevy 
Why don't we go sit down in the shade
Take shelter on my front porch
The dandy lion sun scorch,
Would you like a glass of cold lemonade
 
I will do laundry if you pay all the bills
 
Where is my Shakira
Where is my Salma Hayek
Where is my happy ending
 Where have all the Latin's gone?
 
 Why don't you stay the evening
 Kick back and watch the Latino Music Awards
And I'll fix a little something to eat
Oh I know your back hurts
 from dancing in stilettos
How do you take your coffee my sweet
 
I will raise the children if you pay all the bills
 
Where is my Rosylen Sanchez 
Where is my Eva Mendez
Where is my happy ending
 Where have all the Latins gone
 
I am wearing my new dress tonight
But you don't, but you don't even notice meS
ay goodbyes Say goodbyes Say goodbyes
 
We finally sold the Chevy
When we had another baby
And you took the job in Tennessee
You made friends at the farm
And you joined them at the bar
Almost every single day of the week
 
I will wash the dishes while you go have a beer
 
 Chorus Where is Enrique Iglesias
 Where is Ricky Martin
Where is my happy ending
 Where have all the Latins gone?
 
 Where is Marc Anthony
 Where is all the Latino Fun 
Where is my lonely J-Lo
 Where have all the Latins gone
 Where have all the Latins gone
Where have all the Latins gone
Yippee yo, yippee yeah

The Discipline that Shames Me...

I went to church last Sunday and I sat on the second row. Tom Nelson our pastor stood up there, 54 years old, a picture of discipline and integrity. I have been on many trips with him, sat by him on airplanes, watched him read his Bible when we were just stopping to pick up the rental car, watched him go home and lift weights on Valentines day at 9:30pm.

I am not this disciplined.

I look for excuses to not work out. Oh, the plane was delayed? Looks like I can't work out tonight. Oh, It's Valentines Day- no working out for me!

But the discipline problem is not just with working out, it is with reading my Bible, cleaning my house, paying my bills, doing my laundry, and just in general- taking care of business.

When I am around people that do take care of business- (Joe Bruner, Tom Nelson, Scott Sargeant, Doug Hudson) that are disciplined- I am ashamed. I see them, and I admire the heck out of them. Saying "NO" to themselves, paying their bills on time, moving up in their jobs, reading their Bibles. It shames me.

I know that everyone has their own set of problems, their own hand that had been dealt them, their own issues, but in the areas that we can control, I think it is important that we control them.

This will be my 6,978th time to try to be more disciplined, but I would like to be more disciplined, man I would like to be... I would like to be unashamed.

Chuy's

THis weekend began with a laugh, and ended with a few tears.

Friday night Cody and Nathan came to Plano and we went to see Anchorman- this movie can be summed up in three words- Hilarious, Hilarious, Hilarious. Cody and Nathan and I always have a good time together and this was no exception.

Saturday night the old gang went to Chuy's in Dallas for Elise Adams' birthday. It's weird how you forget how much close friends mean to you when you haven't seen them in a while. When you are away it's easy to make new friends, to go to movies with new people, to go out to dinner with people you just met. But there is something special about going out with your old friends, friends that are like family, friends that you can call on in a pinch.

Nikki, and Luker, Stowe and Sarah, Elise, Field, Leah- I have known these guys for so long, they all mean so much to me and sometimes I forget that. It's nice to be around people that always get your inside jokes, and your outside ones too. They know where you've been, and where you're going. They have seen you laugh and they have seen you cry, they have hugged your neck a number of times. Okay, I will stop there or else this will turn into one of my cheesy poems.

When I left all my dear friends Saturday night, I couldn't help but think, man, I am blessed. I love them all so much and it was so good to see all of them.

Sunday I went to see King Arthur. I thought the first half was a lame, but it picked up the pace and ended on high note. I was especially disappointed with them making fun of this one guy who was praying and the people in the theater laughing at that like prayer is some sort of joke- and the statement, "I have trouble believing in anything that makes a man get on his knees" How assanine. All in all I give it 1.5 out of a possible 5 stars. I had no plans to see this movie, but a friend of mine talked me into it.

I love you all

I'm a Yankee Doodle Dandee?

I am not sure what I Yankee Doodle Dandee is, nor have I ever stuck a feather in my hat and called it macaroni- but I do know that I had a Yankee Doodle of a good time Independence Day- 2004.

The weekend started off slowly, like those snakes you used to light as a kid. What exactly were those things made of? And why were they even considered Fireworks? Anyway, things started to wind up Saturday morning when I went on a treachorous bike ride with Dumas and Cody. We decided to blaze a new trail in McKinney- it was a nightmare. Cody and Dumas seemed to have little trouble navigating the tight turns and muddy paths riddle with roots and limbs and poison ivy. I wasn't so lucky. I think I have put on at least 20 pounds this year, and since I stopped playing Ulitmate Frisbee, my physical shape is definitely not at its apex. More to the point, my fat butt was tired after just a couple of miles of winding trails and humid heat. I prayed to God above for a reprieve from this hell on wheels, and he heard my cry and delivered me- Dumas had a flat. Praise be to Jesus!

So Cody rode back to the truck and came and picked us up and we went on our merry way to Taco Cabana. Cody and Dumas think that I go bike riding for the fun of the ride, I really do it because when we are done we always go to Taco Cabana and feast like lions on a freshly captured gazelle. The company is possibly some of my most favorite in the world, I love those two young men as if they were my little brothers, and they are two of the funniest people I have ever met.

Later that day I went home and took a deliciously long nap to prepare myself for the evening's festivities. After packing a bag, I drove to Cody's house- literally my home away from home, and that is where the fun began.

Nita had invited the whole family over for a Fourth of July dinner of succulent Beer Brats, Hotdogs, baked beans, Mindis' magically delicious potato salad, and ice cold Dr. Pepper- it doesn't get much better than that. We ate and talked and then we ate some more. I love these people, love them as if I have known them my whole life, and I feel special just to be able to be a part of these simple times.

Later we drove out to see the Fireworks put on by Denton Kiwanas (sp?). The show was mildly good, but whatever gives you an excuse to load up the kids and drive out and park on the side of the road with 20,000 other people is worth the excursion. We had a good time,the mosquitoes didn't devour me like they normally do, the weather was nice and breezy, I had a great time.

Sunday morning is one of my favorite time at the Miller's. They always have steeping hot coffee ready when I wake up, they don't make it especially for me, but I pretend that they do. We normally sit around and talk, read the paper a little bit, watch the cooking shows, and the Nita makes a late breakfast. Yesterday it was breakfast burrito's and pancakes- as always it was the best breakfast I have ever had, better than the week before, and better than the week before that.

Mindi came over and hung out with us and then Nita had the idea that we should play Nertz. The game started with just Nita, Mindi, and myself, but then Steve and Sean joined us and we had a blast. Mindi won.

Later that night we went out to Nik and Carrie's. They live way out in the country and they invited the whole family and a few friends out for fajitas. The food was delicious, chips, beans, queso, guacamole, the usual Fourth Fare. We sat around the table and talked, we played with a cute little red-headed baby, we waited until it got dark.

Darkness came and with it the red rockets red glare the bombs bursting in air...

Everyone around Nik and Carrie's house apparently invested a month's salary in fireworks. From around 9:30 till midnight we watched a 360 degree fireworks show. Nik and Carrie had quite a few fireworks themselves, and it was probably the second best Fourth that I have ever had- the first being at Big Cedar Lodge.

We stayed up till midnight, we laughed and laughed, and laughed. I put on a couple of mini-sketches, Spartan Cheerleaders- an old routine memorized in a past life that somehow merged with this one.

Nik put 16 large fireworks together for a big finale. It didn't go quite as planned, field caught on fire in five places. It was hilarious watching us run through the darkness stomping the fires out. The laughter, the shrieks, a few more laughs- something to talk about on Tuesday back at the office. I lost my wallet during the stampede, but we found it without too much trouble. The night could only have been more complete if Dumas had been there, the cast from Friends, and a bucket of Starbucks Mocha Mud Pie Ice cream covered with magic shell- but, it gives us something to shoot for next year.

Thanks Nik and Carrie for the good times, and Thanks Millers for the love, the coffee, and the laughs...

It was a very Happy Fourth of July indeed.

The Caged Bird Sings of Freedom- Happy Fourth!!!

I know why the caged bird sings...

A free bird leaps on the back of the wind
and floats downstream till the current ends
and dips his wing in the orange suns rays and dares to claim the sky.

But a bird that stalks down his narrow cage
can seldom see through his bars of rage
his wings are clipped and his feet are tied so he opens his throat to sing.

The caged bird sings with a fearful trill
of things unknown but longed for still
and his tune is heard on the distant hill
for the caged bird sings of freedom.

The free bird thinks of another breeze
and the trade winds soft through the sighing trees
and the fat worms waiting on a dawn-bright lawn and he names the sky his own.

But a caged bird stands on the grave of dreams
his shadow shouts on a nightmare scream
his wings are clipped and his feet are tied so he opens his throat to sing.

The caged bird sings with a fearful trill
of things unknown but longed for still
and his tune is heard on the distant hill
for the caged bird sings of freedom

-by Maya Angelou