I think I'm alone now...

There doesn't seem to be anyone else around here at work. Today obviously is a Holiday, but I needed to come in to work and finish up a navigational menu- but don't feel bad for me, I love coming up to work when no one is around. You can turn on some tunes, read blogs, make phone calls, balance your checkbook, make a to-do list- and there are no annoying co-workers around to distract you, no Television or XBOX calling out your name, no DVD's asking to be watched, nope- just you and your computer and your neat desk and time.

I got here around 8 AM. I stopped by Whataburger first to get some taquitos and a large iced tea. I like to hydrate early in the mornings, especially since today I am going to go to the gym to do some cardio.

Speaking of Cardio...

Someone actually noticed that I have been "Buffing Up". That is what someone said to me at work, "Hey, have you been buffing up?" and I was like, "As a matter of fact I have" and I stood up straighter and stuck out my chest.

There is nothing worse than working out extremely hard only to have no results. AND... I noticed that no one really wants to hear about your workouts, especially if they don't workout themselves. If they workout, then maybe they want to hear about your workouts... maybe. So I keep it to myself, I don't go around telling people, "Yeah, I bench pressed x amount of weight today and that is 10 pounds more than I could do a week ago!" No one cares. But what people do care about is results, the finished product. Everyone likes to see the final results of an Extreme Makeover, but we are only moderatly interested in the in-between.

I have been working out with weights about 5 times a week with Maksim- the Russian. We have done very little cardio and very little dieting. I personally have pretty much cut out Dr. Pepper in my life- one of my biggest addictions. I can't remember the last time I had one, it's probably only been a couple of weeks, but I have probably had 2 or 3 in the last couple of months where I used to have 2 or 3 EVERY DAY!! Now- 2 or 3 a day just seems ridiculous and stupid.

Next year, which is only 7 days away, I plan to start the South Beach Diet. I don't really like Atkins, and I need some carbs if I am going to continue to workout with lots of weights. I also plan to increase cardio to an hour, 3 times a week, right now I am doing about an hour of cardio once a week when I have time. I never really wanted to be one of those super huge muscle guys, and I still don't want to be, but I would like to be one of those guys that you look at and say, "Yeah, he works out." I'd like to turn a few heads in my direction- I am going to be 30 next year for crying out loud- and it's time to start taking care of me so when I am 50 I won't look like I am 70.

Updates!

I updated the site today as well. I added a blogs page that will have my favorite blogs on it soon. I updated Forget Me Not for Jes, and all the other pages have updates as well.

I'm off to the Gym- Merry Christmas! I will see you when I get back from Skiing, hopefully I will have some good pictures for you!

Good News! Amber is okay!

Surgery went well for Amber yesterday. Thanks for your prayers! She will have no real complications or long term problems like bladder or uterus removal- which initially was a possibility. Yeah!

And it Snowed in Plano yesterday! It is still on the ground now! And no Rebekah it is not quite what you got in New England with a gazillion inches, but you know how it is in Texas- it rarely snows so we were amazed.

Some Old Photos to get to know me even better!

On a separate note, I did a slide show for my Grandmother for our Christmas celebration we had on the 18th. I thought I would post some pictures- mostly becuase I had never seen this picture of my grandmother before and I was wowed by how pretty she was. She used to talk about being beautiful, but I never realized that she was quite so pretty. Look at her nose and her chin and lips in this photo, they are perfect- and this is before the days of air-brushing!



Grandma Reba




"Papa" Jim Grounds

Here is a picture of my grandfather, my mom's dad. My grandfather looked a lot like Robert Deniro before he died. Unfortunately he was hit by a drunk driver when he was in his thirties. He lived, but he was in a body cast for a year and remained on disability the rest of his life. He was a policeman who drove a motorcycle- he was hit by a drunk driver while on the motorcycle. He died a few years ago due to complications mostly incurred from over-consumption of alcohol. It was so sad- he was such a good man, but he was an alcoholic and in the end his liver and everything was eat up by alcohol. I miss him, it is weird how much more you understand when you get older. He lived with us for a little while, we were always close, but I feel like now I understand him so much more.




(From left to right)My Mom, Aunt Jan, Uncle Jimmy, Zana, Aunt Debbie.

This is a photo of my mom and her brother and sisters. My mom would die if she saw this photo, she hates her hair, but I love it, it is so 70's! Zana is not one of her sisters, but rather a girl whose mother pretty much just handed her over to my grandmother to raise.





Dana Renz - Mom

This is my mom at 26. She was always pretty, and very young looking for her age. She will be 50 in February and people are still surprised when I tell them she is my mother- yes, my real mother. My real father who is half black and have Native American dad is where I get my amazing brown coloring for those of you who are wondering. And yes, my grandmother on my dad's side is full-blooded Native American.




Eddo and Dawson Stem

Man I want to have kids this cute, but not as rambunctious. Little Dawson pictured here in my lap makes the Tazmanian Devil seem docile and sedated. This picture is about 2 years old, or maybe a little older. The Stem's live in Colorado now, they are amazing people very similar to the Brady bunch- a blended family with 8 kids!! I miss them, they used to have me and some other people over for dinner every Sunday night- good times.



Precious - My Sister

One day when my sister was wearing this business suit and we were at Grandy's the granny came over and asked my sister, "Can the kids have a lollipop mom?" The granny actually thought my sister Precious - who at the time was 13 - was the mother. Granted the lady was probably 80 and couldn't see well, but we still get a laugh about it today.



Me, My sister Precious, My sister Dena, and My Cousin Kidd

I have great sisters, and a great family all around.


Merry Christmas!

A grapefruit size tumor?

Oh my word. I got an email from my best friend this morning... He tried to call but the line was busy...

"...We are actually still in Waco because Saturday we found out that Amber has a grapefruit size mass above her uterus and below her bladder. Two words you never want to hear about your body “grapefruit and mass”; good news is that the doctors think it is a fibroid which is not cancerous and is fairly common in females... Amber is in the hospital right now on a lot of antibiotics because the doctor wanted to see how the antibiotics reacted to the mass. The doctor wants to use surgery as a last resort, which I am thankful for. Amber is also feeling a lot better than she had been feeling the past couple of days. Right now we are just waiting 24 hours to see what happens and then the doctor will let us now where we go from there, talk about emotional roller coasters..."

My stomach dropped- my heart raced, I immediately thanked God that it wasn't cancerous...

Amber is one of the most amazing girls in the world, and she is like a sister to me. She just turned 23 on December 14th and she already has a big scar on her stomach from a punctured lung injury while playing soccer and now this! AAH! I am going to drive down to Waco tonight to see how Amber is doing and to keep Joe company tomorrow during the surgery which is at 10:30 AM.

Please keep her in your prayers.

Much Love.

Love Actually is All Around Us

I love you all that posted happy birthday wishes, or sent emails or called. The calls came in Friday morning literally the moment I got up, I picked up my phone and it started ringing- It was Alan Meadows, one of those friends that it just seems silly to call a best friend because they are so much more than that. Then the calls and emails and birthday cards kept coming.

It was a wonderful birthday that only had a couple of snafu's, but we won't dwell on that.

Friday night we had a work Christmas party. Everyone gathered at my bosses house and I was surprised at how laid back everyone was. I am new to the team and apparently everyone else on the team has been to my bosses house more than once and everyone seemed to feel right at home. The party was enjoyable, but I will make one little comment- Don't break out Cranium at a Christmas party even when people have asked you to bring it and explain it and play it. Cranium with co-workers of varying ages is not the same as playing it with a group of close friends. There was one funny moment though during the game when two people had to act out changing a diaper without saying anything- Hilarious.

Saturday we drove up to Duncan, Oklahoma where my grandmother lives. I have an amazing grandmother who has always been a cool hip grandmother. She didn't bake cookies, or where granny clothes, she rarely talked like a grandma either, no, my grandmother is one of those grandmothers you could go to if you woke up and found out that you had gotten your girlfriend pregnant, or that maybe you got caught with a nickel bag of weed and you were in the slammer- yes, she would come and bail you out. Grandma has slowed down now that she is 80, but I remember she used to drive down and see us quite a bit, just hop in the car an go.

The Christmas party this year was held in a church gymnasium. One of those new churches that really tries to cater to the youth. A full kitchen, a game room complete with 2 Play Stations, 2 XBOX's, air hocky, ping pong, and a pool table. Church is now about having fun while getting to know God. So this year instead of being cramped in a house for Christmas we had all this room and all these tables and tons of food to eat and game to play. It was NON-STOP FUN!

In all of my 29 years I have never had this much fun at a family gathering with my Oklahoma relatives. I didn't want to leave on Saturday, I wanted to play more games, I wanted to eat more food, I wanted to spend more time with my Grandma. It was awesome, the slide show that I made went great, it was a good day.

All in all it was a great birthday and a great weekend.

Thanks Katie, Jes, Rebekah, Cody and TwistedUterus (I don't have your website :( ...) for the online birthday wishes!

Thanks to my wonderful family and friends for the great gifts, I got everything that I wanted - Love Actually and Elf on DVD- New Balance running shoes, a shower radio, candles, money, gift cards to Best Buy! Am I blessed or what!?!

I love you all!

I AM MARTHA FREAKIN' STEWART!!!

Last night I got home and started scanning pictures immediately. My house looks like a scrap book party about to happen, pictures all over the place grouped by family, age, size, color, BW, etc. Some pictures were water damaged, others were just damaged. So I had to photoshop them to make them look decent.

My family is getting together tomorrow in Oklahoma for Christmas celebration with the Oklahoma relatives. My grandmother is getting older and my mom and my aunts and uncle wanted to do a slide show because they loved the slide show that I created for my Dad's 70th birthday party.

So while I am scanning pictures I am also making chili for tonights Christmas party at my bosses house. And I am baking cookies for the work Christmas party during the day. 3 Dozen Cinnamon Chip White Chocolate Pecan, 2 dozen Chocolate Chip Cookies with Christmas colored chocolates. And to top it all off I also made banana pudding using my own recipe of adding cool whip to the pudding and sweetend condensed milk to give it a light and fluffy but rich texture. Add only the best vanilla wafers and perfectly ripened bananas and you have a perfect dish that is not too sugary. I was getting tired of chocolate and so I decided banana pudding would be a nice alternative.

So at midnight I finally poured myself into bed, then I drizzled on my covers, and felt into a nice toasty sleep.

And, just in case you forgot, today is my BIRTHDAY!!! I'm 29! TWENTY NINE- so close to thirty and still just a big kid... and lovin' it!

Babies, Divorce, and Christmas...

I realize that married life has it's benefits, but I am just not ready for it yet. However, I can delight in the fact that my long time friend Sarah (Arnold) Campbell is pregnant with her first child- how wonderful for her and new hubby Stowe, just 10 months of marriage and soon they will have a little family. I can't wait to have kids, but I want to be very financially secure and emotionally stable before I walk into that world of immense responsibility. I have trouble taking care of just me! Cleaning up after ME! Feeding ME!! I know that children are so precious and wonderful that you will sacrifice anything to make sure that they are taken care of. I remember getting attached to my best friends niece of sorts, Jean-Marie, she was only 5 or 6 but she looked like Dakota Fanning and she was so snuggly and sweet, one of those kids that was just smart and grown up and could talk for hours. I thought, man, this kid isn't even mine, but I already want to give her the world and make sure that she is safe and happy. She wasn't perfect, sometimes she was a little brat, but I was crazy about her- kids are special like that.

Divorce

A really good work friend of mine told me recently that his wife asked for a divorce after 27 years of marriage. I am just 28 years old and so I can't imagine being married to someone for that long and then ending it. I realize that people change and people grow apart. I guess since I have never been married I don't understand what it is like, but it just broke my heart seeing the hurt in his eyes. Every part of me wanted to make suggestions on how to fix things, but I realized I was way out of my league. People don't just decide to end a marriage of 27 years on a whim. No. Something like that would have to have been something that was agonized over for months until the decision was crystal clear and all other options were exhausted. I know that love conquers all, it really does, but what happens when the love is gone?

Christmas

Christmas is just around the corner and I just am not really feeling it this year. Our family is going to be all over the map and my mom has to work Christmas day!!! YUCK! She works for the police department and she wears a uniform and everything, but she doesn't carry a gun. The other day she said someone came up and said, "So are you a cop? Do you kill people?" and was asking her all these crazy weird questions with crazy bug eyes. It scared my mom and it worried me, my mom is just one of those people that when you go into the jail she points you where you need to go and what papers to fill out- she don't shoot people, so crazy people better BACK OFF, NO ONE MESSES WITH MY MOTHER!!!!

But Christmas Day I will at least get to see mom for a little bit and most of the family will be together. My sister Precious is going to be in Disney World I think. I am crazy about my sisters, we have always been close. They are older than me, but when I turn 29 tomorrow we will be 29, 30, and 31. So we have always been right next to each other in school grades and everything. I am sure going to miss Precious. My other sister Dena will be around, but she is moving to Arlington in January!!! I can't believe it! She has lived in Sanger for the past 20 semod years! She is moving because of school. She will be at UTA for mechanical engineering. But it is not like she is moving out of state, I will just have to make a conscious effort to see her now that she will be so far away. Plano and Arlington are on opposite sides of the metroplex and it might as well be that she is moving to Oklahoma City, because with the traffic it can take just as long to get there.

Because Katie said so...

Just follow the directions:

A) First, recommend each of the following to me:
1. a movie.
2. a book.
3. a musical artist, song, or album.

B) Ask me three questions—no more, no less.Ask me anything you want.

C) Go to your blog (if you have one), copy and paste this, and allow everyone to ask you anything.

RAVENOUS

Today I have been Ravenous without Reason! RWR. I ate lasagna for lunch and Caesar salad- it was so good and I ate so much of it too- what is wrong with me? I am also getting lots of good sleep lately. Last night I retired at the 9th hour. I slept like a baby, and I had this crazy dream that I was on a reality show with lots of girls to choose from, and we got to choose TWO!!! But then after I chose them, one of them disappeared and while I was looking for her I ran into this cowboy dude with boots that had laces, and he started showing me all these really fancy tricks he could do with the laces of his shoes. I was fascinated by the tricks, but I wanted to get back to looking for the girl, but I felt bad because I thought I would hurt his feelings if I told him I was tired of watching his shoe lace tricks.

What does it all mean? WHAT DOES IT MEAN??

Blade Trinity and Desperate Housewives...

What does a movie about Vampires and a television show about Desperate Housewives have in common? Well, in both shows there are a lot of bloodsuckers....

Blade Trinity kicked major butt. I loved it. I was thoroughly entertained the whole time. Explosions, Sword Play, Spontaneously Combustible Vampires- Hot Women, Ripped Abs, this show had something for everyone!

The only part I didn't really get in Blade Trinity was this Blind Doctor using a Braille keyboard- I mean, even if you can input the data how do you see the screen to see if you make any errors? I mean the screen had these really cool pictures on it- how does she see them? Well, it is the movies, I thought the Braille keyboard was cool.

Another great party about this third installment of Blade was that it wasn't as gory as part II. At no point was I grossed out to the point that I had to turn away from the screen and I gross out pretty easily- like when I was eating my popcorn during this movie, I crunched down on something that apparently was not popcorn - it was the weirdest flavor ever- and so it was probably a bug of some sort- UGH! You just never know- it could have just been a piece of rotten popcorn- like when you would get a rotten peanut in your Cracker Jacks... at least you thought it was a rotten peanut...

Desperate Housewives

Last nights episode included but not limited to:

• Mrs. Huber being buried and no one knows that she has been murdered!!
• Susan found out that Gabrielle(Eva Longoria) is having an affair with the lawn boy.
• The lawn boys mother thinks it is Susan (Teri Hatcher).
• Gabrielle confessed to the lawn boys' mother that it was her having the affair with her son, not Susan.
• Gabrielle almost confesses to her husband Carlos that she is having an affair- but she doesn't and then the police show up at the end of the episode and Gabrielle thinks that the lawn boys mother has turned her in for having an affair with her under-aged son - the tension builds and then they arrest CARLOS!!! NOT GABRIELLE!! For some reason you are elated! Gabrielle can't go to jail, the show would just not be the same without her.

I don't know exactly what it is about this show that makes it so enthralling- is it the perfect people with the not so perfect lives? Is it the story line, the drama, the deception, the murder, the nanny stealing, the marijuana?

Whatever it is, I am hooked, it is my weekly fix, like a crack addict I keep coming back for more, but unlike crack - with every new episode I get a fresh new high.

The Rest of the Weekend sans TV and Movies...

Friday night and Saturday morning was spent at my friend Girja's house painting. She has a new house- a very nice house in Plano, but it needed a little color, so we painted the wall behind her bed a rusty brown, and the wall in the upstairs tv nook a warm canyon rose. We tried a faux finish in the bedroom but it just didn't work due to the texture on the walls.

Saturday night I stayed home and cleaned house and made lasagna for a party that I was supposed to have Sunday night- the party got canceled because a few friends got ill, but I still had a mini party by myself with all that lasagna.

On an up note- the house is spotless, that is the best thing about inviting guests over- especially female guests- it forces you to clean your house, when you invite just the guys over you just make sure that your underwear is picked up the dishes are at least piled in the sink, but when the ladies are coming over, you actually clean the bathroom with clorox bleach and dust the furniture and the light fixtures, and the TV cabinet. You light good smelling candles, and if you are me, you make a batch of Neiman Marcus chocolate chip cookies that will knock everyone's socks right off- because you have a thing for sockless feet.

Well, now you are up-to-date with me, what's new with you?

Lost

I am swimming in a sea of emotion right now, or maybe it is a sea of my own salty tears. Can I love LOST any more? No. It is not possible.

If you are not into this show, then you will just want to move on to another website where they are talking about something that you like. May I suggest - www.peoplewhodontwatchlost.com

Just so you know, I. ALMOST. DIED. When I thought Charlie had died. I couldn’t handle it, I was crying, I was BESIDE MYSELF- as if someone that was dear and close to me had just died. I rarely feel close to people on television shows, but these people have become my extended family, when they hurt, I hurt, when they are hungry, I am hungry, when they sweat, I sweat.

So this was the last episode for this year. Apparently next week they are going to start airing episode 1 from the beginning because the show is such a hit and a lot of people missed the beginning. I am going to miss the weekly thrill of the unknown, but at least they are showing re-runs and so I can watch them and be pacified.

Maggiano’s

I also have to talk about my Song of Solomon Christmas party luncheon that I went to Yesterday.

We had fried cheese, spinach artichoke dip, and Caesar salad for appetizers. Then roasted pine nut pesto pasta, chicken parmesan, lasagna, and grilled tilapia for lunch. They serve everything family style and it is all you can freaking eat and I ate and ate and ate! For dessert we had Apple Frittata and Chocolate Banana pound cake covered in a rich velvety chocolate sauce and fresh bananas- so good.

Then we got gift cards to Best Buy and Williams Sonoma gift bags - that's right WILLIAMS SONOMA GIFT BAGS!!!!

Dance Dance Revolution

Have you seen this game? It’s that dancing game you see in the arcade where people are dancing and they are always really good when you see them out in public. I first saw this game when I was in China. There were these Chinese kids totally working that arcade game, it was awesome. Step, Step, twist, jump, step, twist, jump.

So today with my Best Buy gift card I bought the game and the dance pad!!! So now in my own living room I can totally practice Dance Dance Revolution. I can memorize all the routines, and then I can wow people at Gameworks, or Dave and Busters with my coordination and extereme dancability - this is dance floor I have yet to conquer- but now I CAN!!



Did you see Evanescence on the Billboards?

Oh MY WORD. The ending where the electric guitar part came in was totally off key, Amy, the lead singer, actually smiled and kinda looked over at the band and said “Wow” and then she finished the song beautifully trying to salvage an almost flawless performance.

Cascading Style Sheets (CSS)

Recently I have been learning CSS. I have talked about it on my site a couple of times, but I have never really explained it. Cascading style sheets have been around for years. People used to use them for basic web settings on multiple pages such as Background colors, text decoration, and pretty much the overall "Style" of the page. They were used to make the page pretty.

Now CSS and CSS2 is being used to create the entire web design. Tables are no longer being used, spacer gif's are being done away with, now with CSS you can do layouts, navigational menu's, or pretty much anything your mind can dream up.

Here is an example of CSS code:

-----------------------------------------------
body { background:#96B4D8;
margin:0;
padding:10px 0 14px;
font:x-small Verdana,Sans-serif;
text-align:center; color:#333;
font-size/* */:/**/small; font-size: /**/small; }

-----------------------------------------------

As you can see the Body Backround color is set to a nice blue, that is what the #96B4DB is.
There is no margin on the body, but there is paddiing on the left, and on the right 10px is 10 pixels. The font is set to extra small, and Verdana, but if your computer doesn't have Verdana Font, then it is set to use Sans-serif.
The text will be aligned in the center of the page, or the layout cell. And the color is dark gray which appears black.

I hope that this doesn't bore you, but Jessica Ferris posted a comment about my header and asked if I used CSS to design that. The answer is no, I used Adobe PhotoShop to create the header image, but the image is a background property of a layout cell.

To learn more about CSS, you must vist www.csszengarden.com it is an amazing site showing you what you can do with CSS design.

Here are some of my favorites.

http://www.csszengarden.com/?cssfile=/123/123.css&page=2
http://www.csszengarden.com/?cssfile=/112/112.css&page=3
http://www.csszengarden.com/?cssfile=/099/099.css&page=4

CSS is very powerful. Older browsers don't support some of the new code, but, only people that are in the dark ages are using browsers older than Explorer 4.o or Netscape 4.0.

I am still very new at this, but if you ever have any questions, I may be able to help answer them.

Merry Christmas!

Sideways

Someone recommended to me the independent film- Sideways. I was told that it was a "Must See". The critics were raving about it, Rotten Tomatoes gave it a 97% freshness rating. So why did I hate it... sort-of?

10 Things I hated about Sideways

1. The main characters were ugly and hard to look at.

2. It seemed to drag on forever at the beginning, so much so that I actually got up out of my seat and looked around to see what else was showing nearby hoping to catch something that had just started.

3. Infidelity. I can't stand so see anyone cheating on their mate, it just breaks my heart.

4. Porn - I was totally caught off gaurd when towards the end you see this rather rotund couple "doing it". The scene is long and it shows male frontal nudity, which I have found appeals to no one - except maybe homosexuals, but trust me, this nudity was so awful it would make a gay man straight.

5. I don't drink wine. This movie was more about wine than anything else. Perhaps if you are a wine afincianado or wine connoisseur then maybe you would find this movie more enjoyable.

6. Pot Smoking. What type of adults still smoke pot- when they have children in the other room!? Are we still in the 60's, am I out of touch with reality?

7. Boring. The are parts of this film that are really good, but they are so few that they cannot save the movie, it drags on, and on, and on.

8. Paul Giamatti's character steals from his mother. In one scene he goes upstairs and takes about 1,000 dollars out of her sock drawer while she is downstairs eating dinner. Can these two characters be any more pathetic? One cheats on his fiance, the other one steals from his mother and is just overall depressing- I am still trying to figure out why the critics found it to be so rewarding.

9. Thomas Haden Church - I found his character disturbing. Yes, both guys are really realistic, but in the end, Thomas goes back to his fiance and she is none the wiser about his sexual meanderings and the other guy ends up with this amazing woman that he met that never in a million years would have fallen for him.

10. When I left I did not feel good. I wanted my 6.25 back, and those two hours of my life.

I will say this. The movie is directed well, and the acting is superb. The soundtrack was a little too polka folk jazz for me, there were times when this music was playing and I actually wanted to say, "Um... can we turn that off?" I think they only had one song for the entire film and they just kept it on repeat.

So, don't go see Sideways. Or if you do go and see it, and you like it, please explain to me WHY you liked it.

A Tale of Two Asses

Once upon a time their was this ass who didn't know that he was an ass. That is the problem with most asses, they are unaware of the fact that they are asses, and if someone is to point out the fact that they are an ass, they don't believe them, because it seems that most asses have a tendency to be proud and arrogant and the thought that they could be an ass is inconceivable.

Ass One was always going around making an ass of himself. During playdates with others he would open his mouth at the wrong time, he would jump in and tell the punch line of a joke, he would point out the inadequacies of others, he would poke fun and tell crude jokes, until everyone was sick and tired of his ass-holicity.

Ass Two couldn't stand Ass One. Unfortunately, as often is the case, they didn't realize that the reason they disliked each other was because they were exactly alike. What they also didn't understand was that nobody really likes an ass. And, when an ass isn't liked, it only makes the ass even more of an ass.

As it turned out, Ass One and Ass Two worked for the same company. They were always cracking jokes in meetings that no one else found funny. Even worse they often followed a bad joke with, "Did you just hear what I said?" Asses are rarely funny, but they believe that they are hilarious and the only reason that people don't laugh at their jokes is because they are too stupid to get the joke.

Ass Two felt that he had to compete with Ass One at work and would always do his best to put Ass One down whenever Ass One wasn't around.

But what neither Ass One nor Ass Two seemed to understand is that what goes aroud, comes around, and their would be a day of reckoning. Everyone was tired of Ass One and Ass Two.

One day one of their co-workers who had been bullied by the asses decided it was time to kick some ass. He plotted and he schemed, he fantasized and he dreamed, of way to get rid of the Asses.

This particular guy wanted to be known forever and always as The Ass Kicker. He didn't want to kick ass in private, he wanted to kick some ass where everyone would see it, and the Asses would be laughing stocks, no longer able to go about bullying everyone, being Asses, 24-7.

So the day came when Ass One and Ass Two were in the lunch cafeterium.
The noise was all around, the place quite in delerium.
Ass One was oblivious, hee hawing around
That he never heard it coming, not even the sound
Of the foot that came kicking, right to his head
Zip, Zap, Wham, PLOP!!
Ass One almost fell dead.

Stunned by the actions, the room got quite still
But then Ass Two came a runnin, to get in his fill.

He started pointing and laughing and poking some fun
Then Ass Kicker said, "Ass Two, You better run."

But before Ass Two could move, a round house was broughten
A kick to the chest that would not be forgotten
Ass Two wailed wildly, and started to shout
But Ass Kicker decided to give him something to shout about.
A punch in the neck, a beating to the nose
A kick to the ear, or so the story goes.

And down went Ass Two, down to the ground
And the Ass Kicker kicked him,
Yes kicked while he was down.

And everyone applauded,
Hip, Hip, Hooray!
For everyone new what had happened that day.

Two Asses got kicked and a hero was born
It was time someone put a stop to the scorn.

But Ass Kicker new
this wasn't the end
The day would come
when he'd have to kick ass again.

But until that day, he would hold his head high.
Because he settled a score, he had blacked an eye.

However...

Ass One and Two never really learned their lesson
the never repented to anyone, there was no confession

Causes asses rarely change, it's unfortunate but true
So don't be an Ass, or Ass Kicker...

might come and see you.

This Holiday Season, please don't be an Ass.

Merry Christmas!

Wife Swap - Husband Edition

I'm not bashing reality TV anymore. I like it.

Last night I watched Wife Swap - Husband Edition and actually enjoyed it. I always watch LOST on Wednesday nights and then there is nothing else to watch and so I flip from channel to channel hoping to catch something that won't bore me to tears.

So Lost is over and I am perusing all 4 of my channels- 4, 5, 8, and 11 and there is nothing on but that stupid show with Nick and Jessica Simpson- talk about kitsch. There was so much cheese on the program that I had to buy a gallon of lactaid- and I am not even lactose intolerant!

So, after finding nothing on my 4 channels, and I mean nothing from 8-9, I finally got to watch something that I quite enjoyed- Wife Swap.

The great thing about this show is that in my world people get up and go to work and they come home and they cook dinner and they watch tv, workout, go out to dinner, have friends over for poker. Apparently ABC has scoured America for the most opposite of couples- which makes sense for a good show, otherwise it would be really boring. However, the kicker here is that not only are they totally opposite of each other, they don't fit the idea lifestyles that American's normally aspire to achieve.

Last night one family lived in a commune like area where apparently no one had real jobs anymore and all they did was recycle and pray to Mother Earth. The other family apparently prayed to Harley Davidson. The entire time I kept asking myself, do people really live like that? Are you kidding me? Who has time to composte? Who in the world would leave their yard in such a mess?

Reality shows give us a glimpse into other people's lives. That is what makes them so fascinating. The internet has already made the world a smaller place, and reality tv is helping to make it that much smaller.