My name is Eddie, and I'm a Blogaholic

Therapist: So how long have you been blogging?

Eddie: For about 4 years now

Therapist: And how does blogging make you feel?

Eddie: Elated, energized, excited. I don't know, the feeling is hard to describe.

Therapist: I read here in your profile that you are addicted to comments... Tell me more about this "commenting and comments" - do you comment on other bloggers sites or do you just read comments on your own site?

Eddie: I think that is where the addiction began, I crave feedback, and through blogging I receive instant gratification. The validation, the humor, the love, if I don't have it, it is like there is a piece of me missing - you see, blogging... well, blogging completes me.

Therapist: So, if you love blogging, and you love to comment, why do you think it is becoming a problem?

Eddie: I can't stop thinking about it. When I am eating, I think "I should blog about this." When I am sitting on the toilet, I want to blog about it, when I am reading a magazine, I want to blog about it, I can't have a single friggin thought in my head without wondering whether or not I should blog about it.

I can't seem to separate reality from my blog, and I can't stop reading other bloggers' blogs. I read them on my computer, on my Treo 650, and on my BlackBerry. Sometimes I wake in the middle of the night, and I can see the glow of the computer monitor and I am drawn to it like like a shark to blood. I can feel my fingers flying furiously over the keys. My brain kicks into gear and I shift into overdrive, words appear on the page, a story comes together, and when I am done with one post, I can't wait to post another.

Therapist: I see... and how does that make you feel?

Eddie: How does it make me feel? How do you think it makes me feel? It makes me feel crazy.

Therapist: Okay, we'll come back to that in a minute. What is the name of your blog?

Eddie: Posted Note

Therapist: You are the Eddo of Posted Note?

Eddie: Yes.

Therapist: I have read your site, and I can conclude, you are crazy. I have no alternative but to lock you up with a computer and a high speed internet connection. You will blog constantly all day long, you will comment, you will read blogs, your entire life will beconsumed by blogging. You will be a ward of the state, and the only thing you will be allowed to do is blog.

Eddie: What? I, I, I don't get it - How does that help me?

Therapist: Eddie, Posted Note speaks to people, it speaks to me, and it is not always about you, so shut up and get back to blogging. Here, use my laptop.

Blog or Die people, Blog or Die.

Extra! Extra! Read All About It!

MY MOTHER HAS A BLOG!

I just found out this week that my mom has a blog, and after reading her writing I realized that I get my writing skills from her. I figured as much as she is amazing at so many things, but, she has never really written anything more than poetry that I have read and so this is really fun for me.

Her blog is http://sweeterthanever.blogspot.com

This is my ma and pa -

Chuck and Dana

And...

ANNE FITTEN GLENN

Has posted a contest and I really do need your help desiging her site so please go stop by her blog and help us come up with something creative for her site.

To recap your homework assignment is:

1. Visit my mom's site and leave lots of nice comments
2. Visit Anne Fitten's site and leave creative ideas

Thanks everyone, you guys and gals are the best!

Blog Jacket

I have been doing free templates now for people for over a year, only recently have I gotten so busy that I realized that I want to turn this into a small side business.

The new business will include Moveable Type set up and blog template design - and web hosting. My partner, Kris Bernard and I are just starting out, but we are very excited.

The site isn't completed yet, but I do have a splash page so you will get the idea.

http://www.blogjacket.com - Designer clothing for your blog!

105 Truths and 5 Lies

This post was not requested, I was actually beaten, whipped, and locked in a room without food until I hammered out this list of 100 Things About Me. Well, obviously I would not be coerced into doing this assignment like anyone else. Not even when they held my eyes open and drizzled hot wax onto my retinas while giving me a root canal without pain killers, nope, I wouldn't do it their way. Finally they gave up and accepted this list of 100 Things and 5 Lies. Can you spot the lies?

1. I like to exaggerate
2. I am fanatical about spelling, I was blessed with an innate sense of spell
3. I cry in sappy movies and I get really embarrassed about it
4. Chocolate Chip cookies are my biggest crave
5. Growing up I never attended the same school for more then 2 years consecutively
6. I love the ocean, but I don't like jelly fish, they don't taste anything like jelly!
7. I hate June bugs and Grasshoppers, but I don’t mind spiders or snakes
8. I would never go on Fear Factor
9. I would LOVE to go on Survivor
10. I became a Christian at the age of 5
11. I can sing, dance, and paint, but I can’t draw to save my life
12. I am gifted in interior design
13. I thought about being a clothing designer or a cutting hair for a living, but didn’t pursue those dreams because of stereotypes
14. I was born in Mexico and smuggled into the US in a large flour tortilla
15. Growing up I was afraid to tell people I was part black
16. When I was 16 my girlfriend broke up with me when I told her I was part black and it almost killed me.
17. Now I am proud of my heritage and who I am and how God made me
18. I had liposuction at 22 after losing 113 pounds in 9 months
19. I went to China on a mission trip in 2000, I loved it, but I couldn’t wait to get back to America.
20. I am a music fanatic, some songs speak to me on such a deep emotional level that if I allow it, they will make me cry.
21. I am very uninhibited and open when it comes to trying new things
22. I love culture and admire people that embrace theirs.
23. I went to Texas Women’s University partly to be controversial but mostly because I get along with women so well.
24. I have huge calve muscles and I never have to work them out
25. I hate scary movies
26. My parents are 20 years apart, they married at the ages of 23 and 43
27. My mom is one of the funniest, neatest people I know and I hope that I can have kids someday just so they will have the chance to meet her.
28. I wanted to be a high school teacher for a while, but it didn’t work out, now I praise God that I didn’t end up in that career.
29. I love anything that has to do with ancient civilizations, buried treasure, ruins – it all fascinates me.
30. My favorite author is Dean Koontz – read Life Expectancy – you’ll thank me for suggesting it.
31. I wrote an 85,000 word novel in less than a month, no I am not published – yet.
32. Growing up I used to have to hold the legs of rabbits while my dad would chop their heads off, I hated it.
33. I love the taste of good fried rabbit.
34. I was a rodeo clown for one summer it was scary and exciting at the same time
35. I like to use products from Bath and Body Works, but I never by them myself.
36. One time my dad and I caught 156 fish in one week using trot lines, we would have so many fish that we would have to use a wheel barrow to cart them back to the truck.
37. I can clean and filet fish faster than you can say Atchafalaya.
38. Growing up my parents used to take us to Red River to swim and camp, now you couldn’t pay me to get in that river.
39. All of my relatives are from Oklahoma and I am part Crow Indian
40. I went to private school most of my life, but I also went to home school for two years of high school.
41. Our house burned down on October 7, 1990, it got struck by lightning, I was 14 and it was more exciting than it was depressing.
42. Growing up my parents let over 35 different people live with us at varying times
43. I had a foster brother for a number of years, his name was Terry Wayne, but we called him Bubba.
44. My grandfather, my mom’s dad, looked to me a lot like Robert Deniro, unfortunately he died because he drank too much. I miss him.
45. Once when my grandfather got drunk my grandmother maced him, we were outdoors and the wind blew the mace into mine and my sisters’ face, it made my eyes burn and I was terrified.
46. My real dad has never really had much to do with me, but my step-dad is a blessing and a God send, I am who I am because of the way he and my mother raised me.
47. I get my sense of humor from both of my parents, they are both extremely funny
48. Growing up we rarely listened to anything but Christian music, I remember our entire song collection consisted of mostly Michael W. Smith, Amy Grant, Steven Curtis Chapman, and Sandy Patti – we were so contemporary.
49. My sister Precious had Scoliosis as a child, one leg was 5 inches shorter than the other, my parents took her to Word of Faith church and Bob Tilton prayed for her and God healed her leg, it literally grew and she never had to have a steel rod put in her spine like the doctors had planned – God still works miracles.
50. I know how to do the worm and the moonwalk
51. When I was in school I was never very popular
52. I got punched in the eye in 6th grade and in 8th grade, both times I was defending myself because people were making fun of my high voice.
53. I had extreme self-esteem issues growing up because of my voice and I used to sit in my truck and yell hoping that if I made my throat sore my voice would get deeper.
54. I have never told anyone before about yelling to make my voice deeper
55. Learning to be funny at the right times made me popular in college – finally.
56. Today I am so popular that sometimes I am arrogant about it and I feel bad about it – but only a little bit.
57. I took Martial Arts for two semesters in college and two semesters of Country and Western dance – I can dance and kick ass.
58. I also know how to Swing, Salsa and Merengue sometimes spelled Meringue
59. I like dance naked in the rain while eating a bag of cheetos
60. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday of the year
61. When I was 12 I worked at a horse ranch for a year, I got kicked in the leg so hard once that for years after I had a horseshoe indentation on my left thigh from the scar tissue and internal damage.
62. I jumped off a porch when I was 13 and I landed on a piece of metal and tore the back of my leg open. It required 21 stitches. I still have a big scar and I tell people the scar is from a shark bite.
63. I have never taken steroids, but I have thought about it often
64. I don’t take drugs, but I talk about them often
65. I use hyperbole to get my point across; some people would call it lying.
66. When I was 16 I was 6’ 2” 280 pounds
67. I was 16 my senior year and turned 17 that December
68. I never went to Kindergarten
69. I can write poetry on a whim a gift I got from my mother, are they great poems, not all the time, but I still write them.
70. I don’t like things that crunch too loudly, like hard fortune cookies, croutons, certain chips, some types of lettuce, etc. I don’t like the way it sounds inside my head.
71. I can do a really good cartwheel and a forward handspring – my sisters taught me at a very young age.
72. I like doing Yoga and if I could, I would move to a monastery and become a Shaolin Monk so I could become a Kung Fu master.
73. I have never wanted “six pack” abs.
74. I love Will Ferrell and Cheri O’Teri and I can do a bunch of their Spartan Cheers from Saturday Night Live.
75. Once I made a raft out of sheetrock and Styrofoam – as soon as I put it into the water it fell apart, I thought it was because I didn’t use enough 16 penny nails.
76. We had horses growing up, mine was an Appaloosa, she kicked me one day when I was brushing her tail and my good portion of my arm turned purple.
77. I taught Eddie Vedder how to play the guitar
78. I dislocated my shoulder “Towel” wrestling my junior year at Liberty Christian School, it would dislocate while I slept for years thereafter.
79. To this day I cannot throw a baseball or a football very hard because of my shoulder.
80. I love to play Ultimate Frisbee and I am freakin’ awesome at it.
81. I never really loved playing football, as a lineman there wasn’t enough glory, and I get tired of people asking me if I play football and then asking me why not.
82. I wrote a song called, “He hears me when I pray”.
83. I used to lead praise and worship with Cody Miller for the youth group at Denton Bible Church
84. My mom used to make me sing for my relatives as a kid, she used to just put a quarter in us and wind us up – me and my sisters are still singing.
85. I love swimming in lakes and I have been shoulder deep in many ponds using a net to scoop out bait with my dad. He wasn’t afraid and so I wasn’t afraid, sometimes we would dredge up snakes and snapping turtles, dad would kill them if he had the chance, or just let them go.
86. Sometimes I have an irrational fear that when I open my eyes after washing my hair in the shower that I will be blind
87. I hate checking voicemail
88. I hate the sound of an alarm clock
89. I love cooking for large groups of people
90. I make killer fried chicken, so good that I have thought about opening my own restaurant and putting KFC out of business.
91. I can snow ski and snow board, but I prefer snow skiing
92. I think some people snow board just because it looks cool, not because it is more fun.
93. When I was 25 I had successfully memorized the entire Bible including the Apocrypha
94. I do things a lot of the time just because it looks cool.
95. I am very versatile, I can chill out for long periods of time and just read and listen to music, or I can go non-stop, it all depends on who I am with or what I am reading.
96. I can’t grow a full beard, but I have always wished that I could.
97. I told a girl I was dating that I couldn’t grow a beard and she said, “Really? I thought all men could grow full beards if they wanted to.”
98. I kissed a girl once on a first date and when I called her back for a second date she said, “I am not that kind of girl” and she said I took advantage of her. I saw her later and I was with someone better looking then her and suddenly she was dying for me to actually take advantage of her.
99. I have never taken advantage of any girl
100. I have been taken advantage of a few times myself.
101. I am a huge fan of Tracy Chapman, I can listen to her music over and over again and it never gets old.
102. I have never been good at math, and I am not upset about it, I am so good at so many other things, we can’t all be good at everything.
103. Someone once said, “To know a man well is to know oneself” I know myself very well.
104. I love kids and someday I would like to have at least a boy and a girl, but I hope to have two of each.
105. I grew up in the country, but I love the city.
106. I prefer paper over plastic – preferably in denominations of 50 and 100.
107. My favorite movie of all time is I Heart Huckabees, my least favorite is The Princess Bride
108. I have the entire Cher and Barbara Streisand CD collections
109. I love to oil paint, and I think I am good at it even though growing up I never thought I was creative or good at anything artistic
110. One time I found a nickel bag of marijuana when I was working at a gas station – I didn’t smoke it.

KUNG FU HUSTLE

It would be an understatement to just say that this movie was awesome, it was un-freakin-believable.



If you are a fan of movies such as Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon, House of Flying Daggers, and Kill Bill Vol. 1 and 2, then you will love Kung Fu Hustle. Kung Fu Hustle is like watching all of these movies at the same time while tripping on acid.

The bar has been raised once again by the Chinese film maker Stephen Chow. The special effects, the direction, the creative cinematography, the story - all of them were pure genius.

I won't go into detail about the movie right now because I don't feel like it, just GO SEE IT, and be prepared to see a little bit of cruel reality mixed with some wicked fun.

I give it 8 out of 10 karate chops.

HEY-YAH!!!

About Me - As if you needed to know more...

I added an About Me page today. I won't do a 100 things page, and I normally don't like to copy every other blog monkey out there and so I wasn't going to post an "About Me" page, but some people asked for it, they begged for it, they sent me flowers, cards, gifts, naked photos, and cheetos all with attached requests for an About Me page. So this is for all of you that asked and especially for Clarissa...

http://www.postednote.com/about.htm

What Dreams May Come

Lately I can't stop dreaming about having children of my own. Yes, I want kids, but I sort of need to get married first- being a Christian and all we sort of believe that there is a certain progression of things. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in a... well, you know.

Last night I had a dream that I had a kid and she looked just like Dakota Fanning. It was the first day of school and she was wearing all pink and had a little backpack. We held hands as we crossed the road to the school yard. Everything was very vivid, you could hear the laughter of children, the sun shining very brightly, and then came the tears. Little Dakota didn't want me to leave and so she started crying and it ripped my heart out. I remember looking around wondering if there was some way to make her first day of school less frightening, the dream was so real, I felt so helpless.

Last week I dreamt that I had a son and that I kept holding his chubby cheeks against mine, that feeling of holding a small child, the miracle of life, it makes me feel closer to God.

I worked at Kanakuk Kamps one summer and my first week there I met a little kid and he looked like a miniature version of me, we called him Mini-Me. He was six years old but he was about the size of a 5 year old. We would all go and get in the pool and he would just cling to me because his feet didn't touch the bottom. He had this habit of sticking his face right up against mine like a little puppy and he would hold tightly around my neck. I loved it.

At night we would tuck all 12 of these boys into their beds and tell them Biblical bedtime stories. Sometimes they would cry for their mom's, sometimes they would wet their beds, and once this little boy even pooped his pants - it was the closest thing to being a parent that I have ever come to, it was hard at times and frustrating, but at the end of the day I loved those kids, and I would have done anything for them.

I am turning 30 this year, and so maybe some men do have a biological clock and I think mine is ticking. I want kids, I want a wife, I want them NOW!

So if you are out there Miss Right, and you are ready to have some babies, give me a call.

The NRB Society - Pitching Tents Since God Created Adam

Mom - you are not allowed to read this!!

Ladies, I am all for Women's rights, I am not a male chauvanist, I am all about gender equality, but there is one society that is an all male society and it is exclusive - The NRB Society.

For some reason over the weekend while riding up to Shreveport if I sat a certain way I would get an NRB. As you get older I think you get these less and less and they seem to be most prominent during puberty, but 99% of the time when you get them they come at a very inopportune time. Fortunately, when you are in school you normally have a stack of books or a book back to hide the NRB, but sometimes if you are swimming, or say jumping off a high dive in front of a bunch of people at Turner Falls, then they only thing you can do to hide the tent in your shorts is to forego the dive and instead opt of the cannonball.

The NRB is something that is not a fun experience. Often times it can be quite painful, especially if you are wearing very restrictive clothing. The NRB normally doesn't last for very long, thankfully, but when it comes there is not much you can do about it. Much like a charlie-horse or a muscle spasm, it has a mind of it's own - there is no warning, there is no stopping it.

I know that this inconvenience is nothing compared to the myriad of physical problems women have to face on a daily basis - as a matter of fact, I think you ladies have the exclusive society thing on lock with the having babies and all, but I just wanted to make sure that you were aware that we men do have at least one society that is all our own - The No Reason Boner Society.

The Horseshoe Hotel and Casino

First of all I must thank Cody's mom Nita for taking Cody and I to Shreveport. Free room, free amazing food, and an overall great time... but of course, as always, there is a story.

The Hotel
When we first got to the hotel I was rather impressed with it's luxuriousness. I mean people, it is Louisiana and you rarely here the words luxurious and Louisiana in the same sentence. Once we arrived in our room I couldn't believe how nice and spacious it was. Plush beds, soft pillows, a mini-fridge, and a very spacious bathroom. Not only was the bathroom spacious, the shower/bath was so large that a small Chinese family could have lived in the tub alone. The rest of the bathroom was so big that P. Diddy's entourage would have been able to fit, and breakdance while swilling Cristal.

The Casino
I was also impressed with the Horshoe Casino. Three stories of slot machines, craps tables, black jack, and old people - doesn't that sound like a blast? There was also a high concentration of people walking around missing limbs. At first I thought that maybe gambling at the casino was a form of entertainment for them, but after seeing so many, at least 15, I began to wonder if their limbs hadn't been removed as a form of payment for an unpaid debt. It was sad and frightening at the same time.

Smoke billowed throughout all three floors of the Casino, someone once said vices come in threes, and apparently at the casino they are gambling, drinking and SMOKING. I actually saw one old lady stick an entire carton of Marlboro's into her mouth and light the other end - apparently one pack at a time wasn't allowing her to get her nicotine fix. Is there a such thing as a nicotine drip?

Some of the octegenarians in the casino looked as if they hadn't seen the light of day in years. At one point someone opened an emergency exit door and a bright flash of light filled the room. Almost immediately I heard shrieks and cries of fear and 3 people that were touched by the sunshine burst into flames and disintegrated- no one paused, no one looked away from their slot machines. Like zombies on a mission from hell these people were focused, and they were determined to accomplish their goal.

I started my gambling with the slot machines as Cody's mother Nita is often times a big winner on the slots. So I put my money in the machine and pushed the button and hoped for triple 7. After a very short while I determined that slot machines are about as much fun as being covered in honey and hog-tied to a fire ant bed. Some people love it, but for me it was slow and very painful watching it take mine, and other people's money.

The Food
Nita got us comp meals the entire trip. The buffet was possibly one of the best and biggest I have ever seen. There were 8 different stations with food from around the world. Spaghetti, ribs, chicken, stir-fry, steak, shrimp, pork chops - it was a smorgasbord of culinary delights. Trying to be somewhat South Beach conscious I piled my first plate with meat only and one slice of garlic bread. I went back for a second plate of meat, and then I finished my meal with banana pudding and german chocolate cake. When it's free you just have to splurge! I ate so much that we went back to our room and while Cody slept, I did Yoga, I had to make room for dinner!

For dinner we went to Jack Binion's steak house - which is nothing like The Sizzler. Steaks begin at 26.oo dollars and went up to 45.00. Side items were 3.50 a pop. I had a filet mignon, garlic mashed potatoes, and steamed broccoli - again, I try to always eat something that is on my diet at every meal! The food was amazing and we finished with banana mousse and cheesecake with fresh rich cups of coffee.

The weekend was an eat fest, but it was still a great time.

How was your weekend?

I'm Derek Zoolander!

Come and knock on my door...

This morning I woke up and looked at my body in the mirror. Still far from perfect I could still see the major improvements. Delts, pecs, traps, lats and even my abs are taking shape nicely. Like Michelangelo's Pieta, I am slowly taking form and definition, daily chiseling away the fat and unnecessary layer by spending countless hours in the gym.

Each morning for me is a new opportunity to strut my stuff down the runway of life. As I get dressed I strike pose after pose after pose in the mirror, boxers only, jeans only, shirt half-buttoned, shirt tucked in, a butt shot, hands on hips, arms crossed - you get the idea.

You see, when I get dressed I am not looking into a mirror, rather, I am looking into a world of infinite possibilities. I imagine that through that mirror is a myriad of women applauding as I make my entrance. I stop, turn, turn, pause. The cameras flash and whir and I'm all dark skin and white teeth smiling my most alluring smile. The song that is playing is by C&C Music Factory- "I've Got the Power" and I do.

The best part about looking good, or looking better, is that people take notice. Just last night I got hit on by a nice looking lady. She was about 7 years older than me, but hey, she still gave me "the look" and it is always nice to get "the look" from the ladies.

So tell me, have you gotten "the look" lately?

Soon I'll be getting invitations from The Crips and The Bloods

Lately I have been spending a very unmanly length of time in my closet. You know how it is, you go into your closet hoping to find somethng to wear knowing that you have nothing to wear, but still you look and look and look until you finally give in and wear something because you can't go to work naked.

This problem for me has increased lately as I don't want to wear any of my "fat" clothes anymore- Why? Because my pants are sagging so bad lately that I am sure to get invitations from the Crips and the Bloods! I am serious...

Just yesterday I am walking down the street and I forgot to put on a belt and so my pants were sagging halfway off my butt showing my Tommy Hilfiger boxers causing me to walk with an exagerrated strut. This dude rolls up on me and says "Sup Cuz'" and my heart starts pounding immediately because I can tell by the gold painted Caddy, the 20 inch Daytons complete with whitewalls, and the word "BALLERZ" emblazoned on the hood that this guy is most likely a gang banger, and I don't want to get gang-banged.

I look him in the eye briefly and say, "wazzup" with an almost indecipherable head nod. The trick is to be confident, but non-confrontationally confident. I mean I could have said, "What you want fool- You trying to start some Sh**!" Waving my arms around wildly and then getting all up in his grill. That might have caused a problem, and I am a good Christian boy that plans to make his way through life getting people to like me for me, not because I have been shot 9 times like Fiddy Cent. So I kept it real, and after the initial eye contact I looked away as if I wasn't buying whatever he was selling.

He is just sitting there with his seat so far back that he has to lean forward just to see me. He takes a long pull on his Swisher Sweet, the aroma is thick and smells like hot vanilla and fresh honey. The seconds tick away so slowly that it is as if God has pressed slow-motion on his remote that controls the time-space continuum. The "Baller" sizes me up, gives me a nod like, "we'll be back" and then drives away. I start to relax and I realize that the pounding sound I heard wasn't coming from my heart, but was actually bass coming from the Caddy.

I had to ask myslef, what was that all about? Why would a gang member be looking at me?

It had to be the baggy pants, or maybe it was the AK-47 I had slung over my shoulder, or the gangsta tat on my arm, or the red bandana worn "Tupac style" around my head.

It could have been all of these things, but I think it was the baggy pants.

Guys Do Like to Shop

There seems to be a myth going around that guys don't like to shop, well, I just checked and... yep! I am still a guy. And I do indeed like to shop, it just depends on what you are shopping for...

I like to get cleaned up when I go shopping. I put on some nice jeans, a shirt that fits just right, put on some good cologne - and then I like to accessorize. Sometimes I like to drape just one blonde on my right arm, but sometimes I feel the need for a blonde and a brunette. Sometimes two leggy brunettes will do the trick, but if I am really feeling wild I like two red-heads a latino.

Ensemble complete, I move with confidence like a lion to the lair - in this case the lair happens to be the mall. You can always find plenty of women in Bath and Body Works, the shoe section at Nordstrom's, and anywhere in ZGallerie or Pottery Barn.

I enjoy to shop from a large selection of ladies and so I find that the best places here in the Dallas area are StoneBriar Mall, Northpark Mall, and the 3 story Crate and Barrel on Knox St. - oh, and ALWAYS at La Madeline.

I storm these places with casual confidence quickly sizing up the competition, which I rarely find, and then I start zoning in on my prey. I mean really that is what it comes down to isn't it? Women want to be hunted. Not literally, I mean, there is a fine line between playful chasing and downright stalking, but I know this - women like men to be confident and to do the pursuing - I picked up that tidbit of information from the multiple Song of Solomon conferences, having two older sisters, having graduated from Texas Women's University, a myriad of first hand experiences, and by reading "Attraction for Dummies".

I don't try to use any special lines when it comes to meeting someone new, I just say Hi, give them "the look" and they normally fall into my arms as if I had held a handkerchief soaked in chloroform to their nose. I think at the age of 29 the girls I am impressed by are not impressed by phony lines or reindeer games, nope, they like a good sense of humore, sincerity, dark skin, tall, great smile, muscular arms and chest, and a big wallet. I tell you, I am the complete package.

So ladies, guys do like to shop, we like to browse the selections, so be sure to always be looking your best and smelling your best.

Currently I am ready to settle down and I am in the market to make the purchase of a lifetime...

Cookie Monster - Unleashing the Beast Within

This year Sesame Street kicked off it's 35th season, and since young and old Americans are becoming over-weight beasts lumbering about the planet, half naked in their speedos, consuming cookies and cheetos at break-neck speed- Sesame Street decided to change a few things about their programming and the beloved character Cookie Monster stating that "A Cookie is a Sometimes Food." I agree, a cookie, especially a hot chocolate chip one fresh out of the oven, is a sometimes food. But for me, when that "sometime" comes around, I get a little scary, and monster doesn't even begin to describe me...

Saturday night Katie of Kpinion brought over a large roll of chocolate chip cookie dough. Since it was game night and I was making a freakishly large pan of sausage lasagna and buttery sour dough bread, I decided to take "the night" off of my diet. I didn't eat anything all day long except two bites of my sauce to test it for flavor. I kept busy, I worked out, and when evening came I consumed 3 helpings of my amazing lasagna and at least three slices of the crusty sourdough bread.

After dinner, we settled in to play a game of Settlers and eventually we were all ready for some cookies. Katie popped them in the oven and in 12-15 minutes we had fresh, piping hot cookies and cold glasses of milk. The cookies were sinfully delicious, not quite as good my own chocolate-pecan Neiman Marcus cookies, but amazing nonetheless. I don't recall how many I consumed that night, I kept splitting them with Katie, and eventually the 5 of us finished off the entire plate.

Everone left that night, and Katie said, "Eddie, I am going to leave a roll of cookie dough for you."

How Sweet! I thought to myself, knowing that leaving this roll of cookies was like leaving a flask of Jim Beam in the clutches of a recovering alcoholic. I knew right then that I should have thanked her for the offer and denied the delicious treat, but momma always taught me to accept gifts when people give them, so accept I did.

Everyone left and I went to bed knowing that the cookie dough sat in my refrigerator, it called out to me like a mermaids siren song, enchanting, alluring, calling out my name. I put my head under the covers and put my hands over my ears and prayed for the sandman to come and rescue me with sleep. Thankfully he did, and I fell into a feverish sleep filled with cold sweats and night terrors. Eventually dawn came and I felt clammy and miserable and... HUNGRY.

No longer able to resist the temptation I raced to my refrigerator and stared upon the rolled of cookie dough as if it held the secret of life, like Eve, I reached out for the forbidden fruit and bit into the succulent goodness knowing that I was crossing a line that could not be uncrossed.

As the cold sweet dough touched my lips and melted on my tongue my hands shook and my body racked with waves of pleasure. I quickly turned on the oven and pulled out a cookie sheet. The metal pan clanged on the stove as I hurriedly slammed cookie after cookie onto the metal surface. I placed the cookies into the oven and danced impatiently and uncomfortably in front of the oven like a small child in need of a restroom.

Twelve minutes passed and it might as well been twelve lifetimes, I was going through withdrawals and on the verge of the DT's (delirium tremens). I pulled out the cookies and quickly placed them on a plate to cool, and then reached for a large glass of milk. Without hesitation, knowing that the cookies were still too hot to eat, I began consuming the object of my affection, the very thing that at that moment I would have killed for and I luxuriated in their chocolatey goodness. Temptation is a demon and I thought it would be satisfied if I consumed half of the roll in 30 seconds, how wrong I was. The beast inside me screamed for more and so I immediatly placed the remainder of the roll into the oven and tortured myself for another 12 minutes. I prayed to the god of Pillsbury to please make them hurry, and in the back of my mind I prayed to the real God in heaven for forgiveness for my gluttony, and for worshipping idols- the Pillsbury Dough Boy.

One roll of cookie dough and half-gallon of milk later my cravings were diminished, the temptation was gone, and I felt fat- and as happy as an Ethiopian at an all you can eat buffet.

But now that the monster has been unleashed, the temptation keeps coming back.

So tell me, what is your biggest crave?

Darth Vader is that You?

I hear you at night, I sense you, standing there watching over me like a buzzard waiting for its prey to die. Perhaps I misinterpret your nocturnal visitations, tell me- what is it that you want? Why the disappearing act when I open my eyes? I don’t get it. Are you trying to lure me over to the dark side? Do you seek my crazy Ninja skills? My wood-working skills? My template-building skills? Are you a blogger? Is that what this is about?

I am drawn to the Dark Side’s overly dramatic costumes, the red and black facial paint, the oversized masks; all of it is very cool and edgy- but I live in Texas and have you been here during the summer??? It is an oven and I roast like corn on the cob at the State Fair when I wear black. I am serious; I would be sweating like a fat man in a plastic sack.

Maybe you just want to be friends, kick back, watch some football, down some suds, and eat a few hot wings? It might be cool, but I have my reservations. I don’t like people that are too into their careers and/or themselves. I mean, you started out as this slave, and now you are the Dark Lord of the Sith, and everyone knows that you have anger issues, and to top it all off you are a dead-beat dad. The negatives just keep racking up.

I have to admit, I admire your climb up the corporate ladder, your skills with a light saber- very impressive. When the Galactic Civil War raged across the empire and you discovered the Rebel Alliance’s secret base- I was wowed and I applauded your genius, but what did you have to forfeit to achieve your goals?

I just don’t think it would work for us to be friends. So do me a favor, stop coming by in the middle of the night. It is annoying hearing you, breathing in and breathing out, not saying anything, it’s a bit creepy. And then as soon as I open my eyes to tell you to shut the heck up, you’re gone, this relationship is already one sided, much like my relationship with my real dad. I can already tell, this ain’t gonna work.

So tell me, has Darth been to your house lately? Perhaps he is trying to promote his new movie coming out in May…

Posted Note – Weekend Update

Ugh, I was so busy this weekend, it started Friday night with a wedding and my Michael Jackson impersonation at the reception - trust me, it is a crowd pleaser.

Saturday I spent most of the day cooking and then all night long herding sheep, building roads, settlements and cities, and then Sunday I took a day of rest and just chilled out and watched The 13th Warrior with Maksim the Russian and we ate left-over lasagna.

Blogger friends and real life friends Katie of K-Pinion, Jes of Just Say Jes along with her hubster Roger, and Bianca of biancaortega.blogspot.com (Check out Bianca's funky fresh new design that her and Jes put together! And tell her hello and Jes too, she worked HARD on that template.) were all at my apartment on Saturday night, each one slaving away to build their own cities and settlements in an advanced edition of Settlers of Catan. It was a very close game that lasted until after 1 AM, but Katie was the victor- and Roger and Jes didn’t even give her a pity win, she just beat us all, fair and square- GO KATIE. I must say that it is always fun getting together with close friends, the only problem is that we get together so rarely that we just have too much to talk about and we all want to talk at the same time, I loved it though, there was never a single moment of awkward silence – except that one time when Bianca took a really, really, really long time to play her cards during Settlers.

I wanted to sleep in on Sunday because my back was killing me after working so hard as a Settler, but if you are a Nascar fan then you know that the big race was this weekend and that meant that my good friend Braun was in town. Well, he and I were supposed to do an early breakfast Sunday morning, but it got canceled- and I had already showered and everything and right as I was about to walk out the door Braun calls and says we have to cancel and of course I was slightly elated and disappointed- elated because I could curl back up in my bed, but disappointed because I wasn’t going to get to hang with Braun for a last breakfast before he headed back to North Carolina.

And, after rereading this post I realize that it isn’t a Blog Star Status post, but it is just a weekend update, and I have already whipped up another post that I will share later, I just don’t want you to get behind on what is going on with my life!

Much Love!

The Blog Patrol - Now Taking Applications

It has been brought to my attention that there are individuals in the blogosphere that are blogging without the proper skills or know-how to correctly write an efficient, concise, hilarious, blog.

With that in mind, I am starting a new task force called "The Blog Patrol"- a group of men and women with a common goal recruited and trained to police the blog community. They will keep bloggers abreast of the latest policies and codes that are to be enforced in the realm of blog.

Boring blogs, babbling blogs, stupid blogs, and ugly blogs will be ticketed. Blogs with multiple citations will be banned from the blogosphere, ostracized, and outcast from the blog community like Adam and Eve in the garden of good and evil. Wanton bloggers will feel shame, public humiliation, and ridicule like they have never known before.

You might be thinking, "Who does this Eddo think he is? Who gave him the title 'King of all Blogs'?" The title was self-appointed and if you do not submit to my authority then you will be subjected to a myriad of comments from The Blog Patrol detailing the hideous inadequacies and short-comings in your blog. These comments, though constructive in nature, will also be dealt with such precision that you will feel compelled to turn from your wicked, boring, and uncreative ways and repent.

But alas, my people, there is still hope...

In a new book that I am writing titled, The Blogger's Bible, I will outline in exact detail how to write a quippy blog that will leave your readers begging for more.

In my second book, "Tantric Blogging" I will have developed some meditative rituals that will allow you to open your mind and release your inner blog child, and in my third book, "The Kama Sutra of Blog" I will enlighten you to new ways of blogging that will enhance your overall blogging experience.

Here, in this post today I will give you a brief example of two ways to write a blog, see if you notice the difference.

Blog A
Today I went to the gym and I decided to go for a dry hot sauna. The sauna was very hot and it was about 180 degrees. There were other guys in the sauna as well. I stayed in the sauna for thirty minutes, after the sauna I was very thirsty.

Blog B

We huddled there, us brave three, in the dry sauna. Like Shadrach, Meshach and Abednigo, we willingly went into the fiery furnace. Sweat oozed from our pores as if we were sponges being squeezed. Naked, we sat there, meditatively silent, breathing in the smell of dry cedar and salty perspiration, our thoughts literally melting away, enabling us to reach a plane of inner tranquility and equanimity. Thirty minutes passed and I began to feel dried out and dehydrated like beef jerky, and I was suddenly very thirsty.

Notice any difference? Blog A is boring and doesn't tell the reader anything about you. Blog B however, uses Bible references informing the reader that you at least went to Sunday School. It also uses the word naked. The word naked peaks the readers interest, much like the words, speedo, busty, lurid, and cheetos. If I had thrown in a celebrity name, or an important topic of interest such as the latest fad diet then Blog B would have been a slam dunk post.

You see my blogging bretheren, we are entering a new world that is moving forward in leaps and bounds. The evolution of blogging has begun and there is no stopping it.

The Blog Patrol will be a guiding light, like the burning flame that led the Hebrews through the wilderness. We must stand together as we progress into a realm of infinite possibilites, be with me now, come to me my children - Bloggers, UNITE!

Move Over Michael Phelps

Last night I went up to the gym and went for a swim. We have an olympic-sized 4 lane heated pool and there is hardly ever anyone actually using it.

It was late in the day and I felt like putting in a few 100 laps and so I slipped into my Speedo, grabbed my skull cap and goggles and walked out to the pool where the crowds were applauding me as I made my way to the lauching ramp. 6' 5" of ripped muscle mass, abs that you could wash clothes on, calves like chunks of granite, arms like the columns that support the White House. My body is a testament to God's creative genius.

Stepping up onto the platform I glance over my body admiring it's perfection. I pull on my skull cap making sure that it looks just right, and then I position my goggles perfectly over my eyes. Standing tall and straight I look around at the people shouting my name, too cool to smile I just lift my chin and inhale the sound of their voices shouting "Eddie, Eddie, Eddie, Eddie!" Mixed with the almost deafening sound of appluase and shouts of "USA, USA, USA, USA!"

I can't help but notice one poster board among the many, this one is special, it's bright pink with glitter paint it reads, "I'm hot for Eddie Renz". It's being held by none other than Jessica Alba, I raise an eyebrow in her direction and then realize that she can't see my eyebrows because of the skull cap. Hearing the whistle I take my position. Shaking my arms out, touching my toes, and listening, crouched like a cat ready to leap on it's prey. "POW!" The gun rings out and I shoot like a speeding bullet into the water. My arms slice away at the warm currents, my chest pounds as it screams for oxygen, 50 meters, 100 meters, 200 meters, almost done, 400 METERS! My arms are aching, my shoulders feel as if molten lead is burning inside of them, my breath is so short that I feel like any minute my lungs will burst from the punishment I am infliciting on them. I near the finish line, just 5 more strokes and I am done - FIRST!

I emerge the victor. The crowd is gone, they are no longer shouting my name. I looked down to see that I don't have ripped abs, my body isn't perfect, I'm not wearing a speedo. I'm weak and I move slowly back into reality and I am happy. Happy because I swam for an audience of one, I swam for me, and the only person that I had to beat was myself - mission accomplished.

Upheaval

http://www.postednote.com/unhappy.htm

Okay, Amanda Sue, this one is complete. You like?

Revelations - Minnesota Style

In order to grasp this post then you will need to read the comments from my previous post.

I was going to write about that new show Revelations, but I think this comic strip will be more realistic than this new show... Married in Minnesota, if you're from Minnesota ladies, this is Sydney's guide to "How to bag a guy in 10 days!"

And as you can see, Ben and Sydney, like their fictional names, also have fictional hair color in this cartoon series...

To view the cartoon strip click here: Cartoon

A Series of Unfortunate Events

Unfortunate Event #1

Last night I had to do laundry- unfortunately. I procrastinated until the late hour of 10 o'clock. I didn't have any quarters so I had to drive up to the car wash and use their change machine to get my quarters. I thought I only had 2 loads of laundry so I only got 5 dollars in change.

Unfortunate Event #2

I get back to my house and take the laundry to the Laundromat at the apartment and realize I have 4 loads not 2. I think to myself, I can just let the extra clothes dry by laying them around the house and putting the fan on them.

Unfortunate Event #3

The clothes seem to have multiplied while in their washers and I realize that there is no way I can drape 10 towels and 2 other full loads of laundry around my house and expect them to fan-dry.

Unfortunate Event #4

I go back to the car wash to use their change machine again. I get out of the car and something BAT-SIZED flies into my head. I freak a beak and swing my hand up to swat at the large flying something that has launched an assault on my head. I totally forgot the my keys are dangling from this long chain that I use to keep them on. When I bring my hand up to swat the bat-sized something, the keys arc with the same force killed Goliath when David hurled one of his five smooth stones. The only difference was that A. My head is much harder than Goliaths. B. The keys are much sharper than a smooth stone and they cut into my scalp and caused me to bleed- not profusely, but enough that when it clotted it left this chocolate chip sized clot on the back of my head.

Unfortunate Event #5

I go back to the laundry mat and in the process of loading quarters into the machine I put more quarters into the dryer that I have already started, sure it's only 75 cents, but that is almost enough to buy one song from iTunes.

Unfortunate Event #6

I finally finish the laundry at midnight and I am so keyed up from all these previous events that I can't fall asleep. Sleep finally visits me at almost 2 in the morning.

Unfortunate Event #7

I had to get up this morning and come to work after getting much less than my usual 9 hours of sleep.

So tell me, how was your evening?

Pretty in Pink - III

Hopefully you like sequels...

http://www.postednote.com/happy.htm

Pretty in Pink - Revisited

I must admit I was a little disappointed when Lacey didn't like her new template. To me it was next to perfect. However, after looking at it through my work monitor it did indeed look a little dull. I forget sometimes that what looks good on one monitor may look really hideous on another. So, hopefully this one looks brighter on your monitor, but not too bright.

I plan to add a "Lacey" Doll to the header image, but that will be come later...

http://www.postednote.com/happy.htm

Everybody Loves Bonnie!

Last night I went to Denton Bible Church to see Cody Miller play the drums for the band. I only went to see him and to spend some time with him, something I haven't done enough of lately.

After church Cody and his brother Travis, and Travis' girlfriend Bonnie and I went to Good Eats for dinner. Bonnie and I had already hit it off after just hanging out for a few minutes. She said a few key words that endeared her to me almost instantly, she said, "You are really funny." People, if there is one thing that you can say to me that will make me flip for you it is, "You are really funny". To me being told "you are funny" is the highest form of praise. And, not only that, this girl was HILARIOUS, and she played Tekken 5 with Travis and I, and she quoted Anchorman! Unfortunately, she was already dating Travis and she was only 18 otherwise I would have popped the question last night - ON BENDED KNEE!! ON BENDED KNEE PEOPLE!

So I am leaving Cody's house and it is almost 10 and I get halfway to Plano and suddenly I feel like there is something ALIVE in my stomach. I think to myself, "Am I Pregnant?" "Is there some alien spawn inside my... stomach?" I don't have a uterus and a baby can't live inside a stomach due to the acid that digests the food, but last night I suddenly felt these UNBELIEVABLE gas pains in my stomach like - Intense PAIN like I have NEVER felt in my 29 years. Forgive me for being a potty mouth, but people, you just don't understand, it felt as though there were 10 fetal feet trying to push there way out of my stomach, the pain was so intense and so unexpected that I thought I was going to have to pull over on the side of the road. Thankfully I didn't, but something I ate at good eats must have caused these- so beware.

The funny thing about having this type of gas was that earlier in the evening when I was talking with Trav and Bon on the back porch Travis said, "Have you ever just ended a date and as soon as your date got out of the car you just ripped one?" and I was like, "Umm... I think everyone has done that before, sometimes you just have to rip a howdy and it comes at an inopportune time."

And Bonnie just laughed through all of that as well, what a catch! Travis, please tell me Bonnie has an older sister that is just as cute and hilarious and ready to get married.

Cause I ain't no Holla Back Girl!

I am listening to this song by Gwen Stefani right now and I freakin' love it! Thanks to Roger who introduced me to this song that is riddled with the "S" word. He played it for me when I was at His and Jes' place during a game night. "The $h!t is Bananas - B-A-N-A-N-A-S!" (I apologize for the swearing and I just got out of church - which is the whole reason why I logged on to blog anyway!)

I went to Fellowship Church Plano this morning - I was bored. This girl came and sat right next to me with her friends - I was cramped. I love praise and worship and when I listen to it at the actual Grapevine campus I love it, but for some reason I just wasn't feeling it this morning. The music was too upbeat and I felt like worshipping, not making a joyful noise. Don't you just want to sometimes not be upbeat? The song leader kept trying to "pump us up" and getting us to make a joyful noise but I just wanted to "be still and know" if you know what I mean.

The sermon was the third in a series called "Thread". The first sermon was good, it was on Easter Sunday and I really enjoyed it, however, I miss BIBLE teaching. Anyone can just get up on stage and preach on a topic and tell funny stories - I don't mean to brag but I am good at that. You give me a topic and I will have you roaring with laughter using anecdotes and self-deprecation. However, if you ask me to exegetically preach Romans or Revelations then I am going to have a much more difficult time - that requires research and in-depth study. I am not saying that Fellowship Church is bad, I'm just not sure that it is for me.

I rented After the Sunset last night with Pierce Bronson, Salma Hayek, Don Cheadle, and Woodey Harrelson. It was MUCH funnier than I thought it would be and I actually liked it. It was entertaining, nothing too over the top, and I enjoyed it so much that I almost watched it again while I had it, but I don't have time to watch movies twice in one weekend - not when I have a BlockBuster movie pass. I do recommend After the Sunset.

Pretty in Pink

Here is a Sneak Peak of Lacey's template, I am having a few graphical enigma's, but I think it is coming along rather nicely.

http://www.postednote.com/happy.htm

"The bird of youth flies away and doesn't come back"

The Motorcycle Diaries - A Review

1. This movie is about two guys who hop on a motorcycle and go cross country or rather countries hoping to discover the world and in the process discover themselves.

2. The movie was so boring at times that I had to fast forward it.

3. Of course they journalize the trip and write everything down in a diary, had they had a laptop and an internet connection the movie would have been titled, "The Motorcycle Blog".

4. Did I mention that the movie was long?

So, that pretty much tells you about the movie. Another one I won't recommend. The critics rave about movies like this for reasons other than the actual enjoyment factor, they rate production and acting and cinematography - I rate it on whether or not it was interesting or if it was a snorefest - unfortunately it was the latter.

On a separate note...

Lacey sort of jumped in line in the blog template design as she told me she likes the color pink and I just happened to have an idea for something pretty in pink. However, I have also started working on Amanda Sue's template, but my creative juices aren't flowing as rapidly for her template yet, they will come. I may need to take a handful of shrooms, yeah, shrooms, they always get the ol' brain a crack-a-lackin'!

Blogging is to Eddie like Crack is to:

A. Plumber
B. Crack Ho
C. Sidewalk


I can't believe that I am actually getting to post something! Blogger has been down almost all afternoon - and I have stuff to say to the internet! Listen blogger gods, what must I sacrifice in order to keep you up and working?! You already have my soul, what more do you want from me! (Eddie spins in circles and shakes his hands wildly while looking up into a black void, a world of nothingness surrounds him, and emptiness so complete that time and space cease to exist)

For real though, I was trying to test the new template for Married in Minnesota and I had to go and manually make edits to the page and I don't like having to do that, I'll admit it, I am lazy and I like things to work when I want them to work - IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK? IS IT?

Here is Ben's template http://www.postednote.com/work.htm

It was by far the hardest template I have ever done, sorry Ben, but I must tell my readers that the lady who created your blog template gets an A+ in design and a C- in CSS coding. She had all these extra tags and divs everywhere and so many
's that I thought I was going to go OUT OF MY MIND - but thankfully with a little patience I got the template to work correctly. Another thing I am struggling with is Adobe Photoshop...

Dear Makers of Photoshop,

please make a Photoshop for Dummies version because your application is not intuitive and I have been working with it for 2 years now and I still have barely scratched the surface. Photoshop is harder to learn that the most obscure of foreign languages. I could learn Sanskrit or Farsi faster than I could learn Photoshop 7.0.

Sincerely,

Eddie Renz - A Big Dummy

I have this really cheesy program called “Microsoft Picture It” that comes with gateway PC's and it is on my home PC and it is SOOOO user friendly and it does almost everything that Photoshop can do, and more, but I don't have that program on my laptop and my laptop is where I do most of my work from. Ugh.

What I need is just a simple USB storage key so I can easily transfer images from one PC to the other, but I am way too busy to go to the store and buy one and I don't like spending money unless it is on drugs!(jk)Oh, and many of you have asked about getting hosting for your site and this is how you do it.

Go to http://www.betterlivingthroughdesign.com/order.htm and you can get your website hosted for just 7 bucks a month. My friend Kris runs this service and she is great and her plans rock. And if you want to register your own domain name, the cheapest way to do it is through www.godaddy.com - it is only 8.95 a year for domain name registration.

If you need any help at all just give me a holler!

Let me know if you like Ben's new template, I live for your feedback, it validates my existence...

bear hugs and big kisses - ON THE LIPS!

Spanglish - Lost in Translation

I made a smart decision over the weekend, I purchased the BlockBuster movie pass for 14.99 a month. I rent movies at least three times a week, and so it was costing me about 50-60 dollars a month in movie rentals and I didn't even realize it. Last night I rented Spanglish and although I was delighted to see Adam Sandler play such a sensitive caring role, I was disappointed in the movie on the whole.

Spanglish is a movie that lacks focus and direction. Perhaps the writer/director James L. Brooks purposely chose to drive this movie into many different directions, however, one minute your watching something wonderful unfold in front of you and then suddenly the scene just stops and you are left wondering - "Why did you stop?"

From the previews and what I read about Spanglish I thought it was going to be this great family saga about relationships and the fact that love conquers all - even language barriers. It ended up being this movie about divorce and heartbreak and the simple fact that Americans are depressed and fat and we can't help but fall in love with the really hot Spanish maid. (Paz Vega is beautiful in a very natural sort of way, but in this movie they act like she is a super model... puh-lease.)

My favorite part of the movie is a scene where Tea Leoni, the mother in the movie and the adulteress, is running up a hill and she keeps yelling "Left, Left, Left!" as she is passing people by. These guys try to outrun her as she starts to pass them uphill and she beats them and you know she must - she has to be the best. You see this scene repeatedly, you can feel her need for superiority, but the movie doesn't give you enough time to understand her drive. Her overall perfomance though is superb.

To summarize - the movie is title Spanglish which makes you think that the movie is going to be about broken English and the barriers caused by the inability to communicate, but that isn't the case at all. It isn't so much a movie as a series of poorly strung together scenes, scenes that at the heart are great but are surrounded by so much fabric with an uncoordinated pattern. The movies clashes with itself on so many levels that just typing about it has made me crazy.

I give the movie a C+.

Bypassing the Joneses Altogether...

I don't want to just keep up with the Joneses, I want to explode past them. If they have a Ferrari in their front yard, then I am going to have an F16. If they have a mansion, then I will own an island, and if they have a hot wife, then I will have a concubine of hot wives.

This need to be better has got a hold on me and it won't let go.

Recently I almost bought a new truck, but the salesman didn't want to sell it to me for the price I offered and so I walked away and I never looked back. Now I am glad I didn't get the truck, it was too plain. So I decided that what I needed was something super cool, something that would turn a few heads and be fun to drive.

This is what goes through my head when I think about buying a car...

What will the valet think when I hand him my keys? Will he think I am cool? Will he think I am trying to compensate for something? Or will he be bursting at the seems with envy?

Who thinks like this? Perhaps all Americans do and that is why many Americans are drowing in debt, but I can relate to the need to feel better.

In an effort to quash this desire, I have decided to keep driving my 89 blue chevy pickup that I have had since I was 19 years old. This truck has a personality all its own and I love it. The radio was stolen out of it and the paint is wearing off, but it still runs like a dream and so I will keep driving it. But... if you see me this summer driving a Volkswagen Toureg or an Infiniti FX45 it's just me trying to be better than you. I apologize in advance.

Love.

A Template a Tasket just stick me in a Casket!

Okay, I am currently working on the template for Ben's site and for Alan over at www.youcancallmeal.com and so I am booked in the template making department right now.

However, I did post the Enter the Dragon Template so people could start using it. I have some others that I am working on, but I realized a lot of the templates I used in the past were created with custom mastheads for Posted Note and I have to go back and make changes to them.

Next on my list for template updates is Anne Fitten Glenn - over at http://annefittenglenn.blogspot.com and some PHP stuff for Ben over at MIM, if you want to jump in line for a template update, make it quick as I am getting lots of requests lately.

Much Love.

Jude Law Squared

Closer - starring Jude Law, Julia Roberts, Natalie Portman and Clive Owen (thanks Katie, that was much faster than looking up his name).

I actually thought this was going to be a decent movie. I didn't really read many reviews or even the back cover of the movie, I just thought, "Hey, it's got these great actors and it got great reviews and so it must be, well, GREAT!" Wrong Song Donkey Kong. This movie is an emotional pornographic adulterous nightmare. Sure the acting is superb and the story is realistic, but my word, it was like watching Satan take four peoples lives, devour them whole and then spit them back out in a vomitous mess of deceit, selfishness, lust and self-loathing - a mess that could never, no matter how much soap or time was used, be cleaned up.

I stopped watching halfway through the movie and just listened while I worked on my computer. My back to the screen my ears were still assaulted with such graphic information that I wondered if I had not possibly rented something rated X instead of rated R.

I DO NOT recommend this movie and I think it is a travesty that American critics praise and glorify such depravity.


Alfie - starring Jude Law - Again - Nikki(Elliot) Johnson's Celebrity Crush

The reason I like Jude Law is because of his voice. He narrates the film, "Lemony Sniket's Series of Unfortunate Events" the whole time I watched that movie I didn't realize it was him talking, but I kept thinking to myself, "I really like this guys voice". It is very soothing and the British accent is pleasing to my auditory palate.

"Alfie" as a movie is unfortunately comparable to "Closer". Alfie, played by Law, is a player, a heartbreaker, and a philanderer. I cannot applaude a man of his caliber, the only thing to his credit are his looks which are God-given and his ability to attract hapless women that fall victim to his alluring charisma and animal magnetism. Yes, he's good looking. Yes, He's sweet. But in the end he is a non-commital heartbreaker.

The ending of the movie is anti-climatic and when I was done watching it I felt hollowed out like one of those chocolate Easter Bunny's, bereft, empty, and unsatisfied.

I award this movie no points and may God have mercy on Alfie's soul.

Sin City - Jesus please wash me white as snow... after seeing this movie I need a ritualistic cleansing that involves an ocean of holy water. Heaven Help us.

I went in blindly like a lamb lead to the slaughter. I didn't read many reviews of Sin City. I have never even heard of Frank Miller, and I do a lot of reading, but I have never been into comic books.

Visually this movie is stunning. Vivid images are still crystal clear in my head, some of them I wish I could erase. The overall story is unbelievable, I still cannot believe that they made this into a movie - in one scene you see Elijah would with his arms and legs cut off sitting there, still alive. The special effects make Wood appear to be cartoonish and since the film is mostly in black and white it is not as horrible and disgusting as it would have been if we had seen it in full-on color. I mean, who thinks up this kind of freakish horror? I should have walked out, but I didn't, I stayed and allowed my soul to be subjected to every gruesome detail.


Desperate Housewives - I want to hear feedback people - Last night could you believe Gabrielle at the funeral!!! OMW.

The Great "My Cadillac Fell Off the Trailer" Incident on Saturday.

Okay, this was a bit of a teaser...

I had to load my cadillac onto a trailer I rented from Uhaul on Saturday. I am not good at anything involving trailers being pulled behind moving vehicles and Saturday was no exception. I tried unsuccessfully to get the car loaded onto the ramp the first time, so I backed it down. I tried again moving WAY TOO FAST and the right side of the car caught on the side of the trailer and again thwarted my attempts to get this lumbering 2 ton vehicle onto the trailer.

On my third attempt I clearly missed the mark again and as I was backing down the car fell off the ramps and the front bumper caught on the trailer. It was stuck, jutting out into the street at the apartment complex. I couldn't get the car to budge and so I had to call my dad. I told him he needed to bring a jack so we could jack the car up and un-stick the bumper.

My dad lives an hour away and while I was waiting for him to get there Maksim (the Russian) shows up and asks me if I need help. I explain the situation and with his help and the help of his 2 Russian friends we unlodge the car from the trailer AND Maksim drove the car up onto the trailer superbly on his first try. It was as if in his first life he drove cars onto trailers for a living. I almost hugged him and his friends I was so happy. Driving the car up on the trailer was something I shouldn't have attempted alone, but at the time Maksim wasn't home and I thought it would be easy... my mistake.

And, Friday night while not watching Closer, I created these designs for Ben from MIM.

Spring
Fall

The first one is for Spring and the second is for Fall. I am still trying to come up with something for summer and the ability to choose which template you want. Ben, if you send me that site that has this feature it will help me to figure out how to do it.

Test Tickle

This is it, the end of the puns and the below the belt talk - and boy do we end it on an up note - if you know what I mean...

I had no idea that a sonogram could be sooooooo long and sooooo akward. It was a LADY that gave me the sonogram, probably my age, blonde hair - fortunately she was married and had her kids photos plastered about the sonogram room. Thank Heavens, I needed something distracting to look at.

I am laying naked from the waste down on this table in a dimly lit room. I kept saying to myself, "Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, Deuteronomy, etc." I know them all by heart and they kept my mind from wandering. Ladies, you have no idea how easy it is for a man to get - happy, but it doesn't take much and man, I still can't believe I maintained control.

Kelly (I figure we can be on first name basis since she is the only female to have seen me naked other than my mom) says to me, "This gel is heated so it shouldn't be too uncomfortable." Are you kidding? My heart was racing, I did everything, and I mean everything to keep my body from making flight reservations. I could just hear her saying, "Well, it looks like you're ready for take-off", and trying to act all nonchalant. ( I hope my mom isn't reading this.)

Well, after about 20 minutes of probing, she actually said the word probe, she determined that I was okay and that it was probably just an infection like Dr. Allen had said. Ugh. So glad all of that is over.

Thanks for all of the great support and prayers and laughs through all of this, the internet is a great thing in times like this.

April Fools!

Okay, so that was the lamest April Fool's ever - but I needed to test Katie's template on a blog that actually had lots of data and that happened to be mine!

I am in the process of putting together Free Templates in nice text files so that people can down load them and use them at will - so spread the word - Posted Note - Free Blogger Templates! Yeah!

And if you want a custom template done, let me know, I am currently working on something for Ben of http://marriedinminnesota.blogspot.com so I am pretty busy, but if you want me to do something for you, send me colors and ideas or just say - Surprise me! I can be reached at eddo at postednote dot com.

I hope everyone has a great weekend!

Love.

CALL ME K-PINIONATED!!!

I decided that I wanted to be Katie. I am going to try to get skin bleaching done, and the blonde hair will be easy. I will also have to go through a myriad of surgeries, but I think it will be worth it!

So, no more Posted Note - I AM KATIE OF K-PINION!!!!