If I don't like to do something, I make it into a game, and I like games - even if they are just mind games...
I stumbled out of my apartment weighted down by my burdensome laundry like Christian from Pilgrim's Progress. I would save time and energy getting to the laundry mat if I had a trusty steed or even a hapless Indian friend named Tonto to help me carry my burden. However, having neither I trudged forward the sound of coins rattling in my pocket, a clinking sussuration on an otherwise quiet morning.
As I round the corner I make my way into the primordial forest. I can smell the decomposure of time, the fecund scent of rot, mixed with the pleasant smell of rain - but it isn't raining. I move furtively, cautiously making my way under the penumbra not knowing what lies overhead. I can't see them, but I know that they are there, peering over me, watching every step, studying my every move as if they are a scientist and I am nothing more than an oversized lab rat.
Here the flora and fauna is otherworldy, the trees are not the normal greens and browns, but rather a purple with yellow and gold leaves. Other trees are black with a patina of blue the color of lapis lazuli. The colors radiate and sparkle despite the lack of sunshine.
The forest is devoid of algae or lichens, but is frought with rivulets of pink seeping from the trees making them appear as if they are wounded and bleeding.
I press forward, making my journey afoot, desperately hoping to make it to my final destination without having to cross the river Styx or meeting a reaper of the grimmest fate.
I hear a banshee cry in the distance and I think of Mephistopheles, Dante's Inferno, Tolkien's Mordor. The sound comes and goes so quickly that I almost wonder if the cry was a figment of my imagination.
Halfway to my destination point I notice a creature moving towards me on the ground. The eyes are the largest and most dominate of its features. Large liquid orbs that stare at me as the creature moves crab quick scurrying towards me urgently. On ten legs it moves fluidly, gracefully. It appears to be shrouded in a gossamer gown of lavender that flows about it as if it were underwater - like a jelly fish on land.
For some reason I feel like it has a message for me, a postal worker from another world, a messenger without malicious intent. Instend of delivering the message the strange creature moves away from me and towards the tree. A large probiscus or perhaps a mouth of some sort begins to protrude from the head and the animal begins to drink of the pink ooze coming from the tree.
Pressing forward I am reminded of Psalm 23 - "Yeah though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil..." Perhaps David the author of that ancient verse had at one time been in a place such as this.
The laundry room is cavernous and gloomy. The preternatural stillness at first sets me on edge, my heart races and I look around and wonder if this is some sort of trap. This isn't a place of destruction, no one that I know has ever met their maker in the bowels of this antiseptic sanctuary, but I proceed with care nonetheless.
I open the mouths of the water behemoths and dump in the dirty clothes. The beast will consume and devour the clothes regurgitating them after a while once it has removed the edible dirt and grime. It will not awaken fully though until I feed it 4 coins which I extract with care from my pocket - it consumes the tasty metallic treat as if it were a Scooby snack.
The clock ticks and the sounds of digestion fill the air and then silence - the process is complete. I remove the clothes and place them into the mouth of the fiery demon. A close cousin to the dragon this animal produces great amounts of dry heat in it's jouls, but fortunately for me, no fire.
After another 30 minutes my clothes are clean and dry and so I make my way back through the valley. A light rain has started to fall and it is the color of milk mixed with honey. It's smells sweet and so I open my mouth for a taste. The taste is unfamiliar, it is more herbal like green tea. It is not sweet as I had hoped and expected.
Hurrying now since the rain has picked up, I make it back to my apartment. In my brief absence portico has overgrown with large purple vines and I have to hack away at them in order to get into the door. Once inside everything is normal once again.
The basket of clothes in my arms is still piping hot and I am reminded of that Snuggle Bear that falls back onto the clothes with a playful bounce and giggle. For some reason I am tempted to mimic this playful display and so I pull out a bunch of towels and place them stategically on the floor. They smell fragrant like juniper and sun-ripened raspberry and I can't wait to fall back and bask in their aroma. I climb up onto my couch and fling myself back just as I have seen that little snuggle bear do over and over.
I fall back with a thud - the towels are not trampoline soft and plush. I do not bounce up into the air. Instead of a giggle my mouth lets loose a pitiful cry mixed with both pain and disappointment. My body whips forward and back snapping as if Zorro himself has grabbed hold of my spinal chord in my descent. The concussing of my head against the hard floor finally brings me back to reality. I put my laundry away and when the chore is complete, so is the adventure.
And that is how I do laundry.
