Envy II - Back in Rare Form

I just got in from another wedding. During the ceremony there was this Asian guy Philip playing the guitar for his girlfriend Katie while she sang. Every time I see them together I am extremely envious of Philip because he has a sumo hot girlfriend and he is one of those really cool Asians that everyone loves and so I can't hope that he will suddenly morph into a gorilla and run off to an African Safari. (Dear God, please turn Philip into a gorilla and have him shipped to Africa. Amen. Okay, so I'm not perfect, but neither are you and when you point a finger you have 4 pointing right back at you!)

Katie is one of those girls that is really pretty in a country sort of way. Thick dirty blond hair, a smattering of freckles, green eyes the color of fresh cut grass - she is simplistic beauty inside and out and maybe I think she is so hot because I. can't. have. her.

After the wedding at the reception I danced and danced and did my Michael Jackson routine and people screamed and applauded and I am almost certain that there were a few people that were praying to God that I would morph into a gorilla and be shipped off to Africa.

The New Look

So I changed the site and went back to a minimalist design.

Vanilla Brown Sugar is a nickname.

029, well, I hope you can figure that one out.

Love ya!

Contest Ends Tomorrow!

If you are a newbie to this site or if you didn't read Posted Note the week that this contest began then you may not know what this contest is all about.

Read all about it here.

I have had some questions about contest rules and submissions and here they go.

1. Contest begins at 12:01 AM CST.
2. Post your answers in the comments section
3. Send me an email with your answers as well that way if there is a problem with blogger then you can say that you sent them to me and I will indeed get them. Email Me - Eddo at PostedNote dot com. (all lowercase if you were cloned or if you have been trapped in a cave the last 10 years)
4. There will 1st, 2nd, and 3rd place winners.
5. Don't be so sure you have everything. You may want to come back and check what other people posted. If they missed something then you still have a chance to win. Some of the stuff I changed was pretty obscure and even Ben thought that I added Bear River later in the game when Bear River had been there all along.
6. Changes should be submitted as follows:

July 33rd - Added three swamps, removed 8 trees, changed tree colors.
July 41st - removed two people and 1 deer


Best of Luck!

Taste "Buds"

While pondering about some of my relationships I realized that my friends are a lot like food.

Take Bill for example - Bill is a lot like Kool-Aid. When people see him they are like, "Hey Bill!" but after you have been around him for a while you find that your tummy aches and you feel a little nauseated.

Pizza Friends

Pizza friends are good anytime. You see them in the morning and you are happy. You see them in the afternoon and you want to hang, and if you see them on the weekend it's party time! I love my pizza friends (you know who you are) and I never get tired of them.

Broccoli Friends

Broccoli friends are the friends that are good for you. They tell you the truth, set you straight, and keep you from being full of crap. Broccoli friends are the type of friends that encourage you to go to the gym. They make you wear sun block, they won't allow you to wear your speedo to the pool, and they are always adjusting your tie and telling you to stand up straight. Parents are Broccoli friends a lot of the time. Broccoli friends can be fun though if they come along with the "Cheese" friends. Broccoli friends for some reason aren't fun by themselves - but when you put them with "Cheese" friends then suddenly they are a blast.

Cheese Friends

Cheese friends are great in groups. In certain circles they are the life of the party, however, too much cheese can be really bad for you. And you rarely want your cheese friends by themselves. Cheese friends have a tendency to be BORE-RING when they are alone. They seem to have nothing to say when they are by themselves, but for some reason when they are put with the right type of person then something magical happens.

Chocolate Friends

They are sugary sweet and they make you feel good about yourself, but too much time around them and you end up all fat and babbly. "Chocolate" friends tell you exactly what you want to hear, they listen to you for hours on end and you can open up to them about anything. The problem with chocolate friends is that they are so good that you can use them all up too quickly and suddenly they are gone when you need them the most. Chocolate friends are very hard to find and when you do find them, be sure to take care of them and not to be greedy with them.

Beer Friends

Beer friends are bad for you. They entice you to go watch movies you don't want to see. They encourage bad relationships. They get you into fights and they bring out the worst in you. Each time you are with your "Beer" friends you promise yourself that you will never hang out with them again but invariably you do. Beer friends also make you farty and bloated and so it is best to avoid them at all costs.

It is important that we understand the importance of all of our friends. To neglect one type of friend can cause an imbalance in our friend diet and that is not a good thing. Over time you might find that your tastes for certain types of friends changes and you feel guilty because you start to like one friend more than the other. Life is like that. We grow up and our taste "buds" change, there is nothing wrong with it.

So tell me, what type of friend are you?

One Mo

This is my latest paying gig...

http://www.postednote.com/know.htm

I hope they like it, I have been into brown lately for some reason. It is a really cool concept. It is a website for teens mostly about pop culture and what MTV and Reality TV are doing to kids these days. What are they doing? Well, you will just have to read the site when we are done. Don't worry, I will let you know when it is done.

What's your special talent?

Last night I watched "So you think you can dance?" and I thoroughly enjoyed myself.

Those of you who know me in person know that I LOVE to dance and I honestly believe that Eddie is to dancing as Mozart is to Music. I know what you are thinking - "Can Eddie's head get any bigger?" (Belive me, it can! I have to work on not being arrogant and prideful)

The thing is, when God put us together I think he gave each person some type of special talent.

I like to write, but I am not gifted in it and I have to work at it. I have to work at the web designs I do sometimes reworking the same graphic 10-20 times before I like the result, but when I dance, I don't have to work at it. The music comes on and I just move to it. I can tell you with all honesty that if they have auditons for the second season of "So you think you can dance" I will be there in a heartbeat.

So tell me, What's your special talent? I know you have one.

House Me!

Amanda Adams got a new house. Her house is decorated extremely well and as I walked around I kept thinking, "I WANT ONE!" and what Eddie wants, he always gets (usually 3-5 years after the initial wanting begins)


This is Amanda's living room. I really like the usage of warm colors combined with the bright red couch. Personally I like her red couch more than my purple couch, Amanda do you want to trade?


I also really like this wicker chair and the fact that if you get bored with the cushions, you can easily change them. I get bored easily.


Here is the dining room. You might think that the red is a little bit much, but believe me, when you see it altogether it looks very warm and inviting - cozy even. I actually think Amanda has a Martha Stewart gene - some people are born with it, some aren't. I keep hoping Amanda will finally give in and marry me - I would complete her, and then she would have a purple and a red couch.


I love this coffee table. I have wanted one for as long as I can remember and now that I know where to get one (Rooms to Go) I will be getting one for myself.


We were having a party of Jimmy and this is how Amanda prepared the snacks. Obviously this is how girls do things, if I had done this party I would have just set out a whole canteloupe and some store bought brownies and said, "Go to town people!" That is one thing I love about women, they take care of the details and isn't life in the details?

So I am looking for real estate in the Plano area with lots of character and about 1500 square feet with hard wood floors, vaulted ceilings, ceramic tile in the bathrooms and kitchen, and a large lot for less than 100,000. If you know where I can find this, please give me a call.

Inundated

First of all let me say thanks to God in heaven for sending rain to Plano.

Secondly, thanks to everyone who signed up for something so I could get a free iPod, if I get it, I will be sending you special Christmas gifts so send me your mailing addresses. (fo real)

Thirdly, I have been inundated with design work recently - here is the latest design I did for my cousin Kidd who keeps bugging me to death about doing a website for him. He asked for a surfer theme and this is what I came up with.

http://www.postednote.com/happy.htm

I am still tweaking it a bit, but it is 80% done.


Fourthly, I will post again today so come back.

I love you more than you know... Eddo

The Break-Up

I met her at The Buckle. Hair the color of apricots, cheeks the color of peaches, I couldn't help but stare. She greeted me with a warm smile and instantly I felt we had a connection.

I looked into her cornflower blue eyes and asked, "Do you have these in a size 40?" She replied in a very suggestive tone, "No, but we have them in a 38, they are loose-fit, just try them on."

She had me at "38" and we walked over to the dressing room arm in arm. She handed me the jeans and I pulled the dressing room door shut. Moments later I came out of the dressing room with the size 38 jeans on my body. They were tight, but I did get them buttoned.

Liz looked at me and said, "Oh, those look good."

I choked out a "really?" because I could barely speak my pants were so tight. I am sure that these paints were so tight that they looked like they were airbrushed on my body.

Liz responed with utmost sincerity, "If you can get them buttoned then they will stretch out the rest of the way." Then she proceded to tell me how I should get one in each shade of blue that they had.

I barely heard anything that was coming out of her mouth. I was mesmerized by her smile and a little light-headed since all the blood that had traveled to my legs was trapped there since the waist of these jeans had turned into a tourniquet.

I knew that buying these jeans would make Liz fall in love with me and so I quicky went back into the dressing room, peeled myself out of the jeans, and raced up to the counter and handed over my Visa. When Liz saw the size of my wallet her eyes grew wide with desire. She smiled at me suggestively, flipped her, hair and laughed at everything I said. She was sending me signals.

I left the store feeling 30 pounds lighter which was probably due to the fact that all the blood was rushing back to my brain, but part of it I am sure was because I was in love.

I got to my apartment and immediately tried the jeans on again and tried to sit down in them. Once I sat down the jeans sliced through my torso severing me clean in half. Livid I pounded my fist on the chair and realized that I was going to have to take the jeans back and get a wheelchair - neither of which was on my list of "Eddo's Favorite Things To Do."

On my way back to the mall my heart pounded with dread and from having to use my arms to roll that dang chair. I knew Liz and I were going to be over as soon as I said, "I need to return these." I could imagine the tears, the flood of emotions, the denial - Was I ready?

Liz was there behind the countr and when I saw her I almost turned around and fled. She smiled and waved at me and I smiled back a sorrowful smile that said more than just hello - it also said goodbye.

I placed the jeans on the counter and I told Liz, "Liz, this has nothing to do with you, you are great, it' s me, I'm not ready for this relationship, it is too constricting, these jeans are just too tight!"

Her lower lip quivered. Her hands shook. She looked away. I could barley stand to see her like this, after all we had been through together, she meant so much to me.

She turned to the register and processed my return.

"So we're through - just like that?"
"No, just sign right here" Liz replied still not meeting my eyes.
"Can we still be friends?"
"Sure, we are going to have a sale next week, I'll be here..."
"Well, I'll see you around kiddo."

And then I walked out of her life forever.

Desperatation

I have been feening for an iPod ever since they came out.

My friends found this site and actually got their friends to sign up using their links and they got a free iPod!

To get your free iPod, be sure to get 5 friends to sign up and complete offers using your unique referral link:
http://www.freeiPods.com/default.aspx?referer=eddo@postednote.com

So if you have nothing better to do and you really want to help me out by signing up using this link above, then please do so and I will give you one of the following:

1. My First Born
2. A full body massage if you live within a 50 mile radius of Plano.
3. A Blood donation given in your name despite the fact that I am terrified of giving blood.

Thank you, I love you, peace out.

No Drama, No Lies - I Hope.

This weekend was spent here in Plano - where I live. I have to make that point clear to people because I am so often in Denton and Waco where my closest friends are that it seems that I am never here in Plano on the weekends and sometimes not even during the week.

So this weekend I have a dirty apartment to organize due to the flooding that happened on Wednesday the 20th. I don't like to clean my apartment when it is slightly dirty so you can only imagine the procrastination that metastasizes when I have a good excuse for having a dirty apartment.

Friday night I thought about cleaning my apartment, but the thought of being alone on a Friday night was overwhelming and I quickly ditched that idea and went with Maksim to see The Island. The movie is good, however, I kept thinking "Where in the world did they find so many thin Americans to play those parts and wear those ultra tight-fitting white clothes and look so good?"

I also kept thinking about Scarlett Johansen and what it would feel like to have my lips pressed to hers. I imagine they taste like strawberry and that her skin smells of vanilla and buttercream because my goodness that girl looks delicious. Ladies, if you look like Scarlett, please, please give me a call.

On Saturday I came to work and just about finished up www.annefittenglenn.com.

Check out a sneak peak here. I designed the book cover for Janus Watchers too and was delighted that AF liked it. I am not sure if she is going to keep it, or use it, but I liked the fact that she liked the design so far and liked it enough for her website.

(AF is also EdgyMama. For those of you who don't know her check out her site if you want to read something much more intelligent than the drivel you will find here.)

I also redesigned Posted Note (to be debuted August 1) and I have been working on my cousins site www.kiddg.com. (don't click on that link, the site isn't up yet.)

I am sumo pleased to have purchased such a simple domain name for Kidd. He currently has a website that details all of his life and his pursuit of Olympic stardom, however, it lacks the finesse and style that is Kidd Gomez. He has contracted me to redesign his site by agreeing to pay me half of his annual salary once he starts making anything above 6 figures. (thanks kidd!)

(stop reading here mom)

This weekend I also watched Wedding Crashers with the extremely funny Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson. Filled to the brim with crass humor and sexual jokes the movie is funny, but not something you watch with mom, tell your mom you went to see, or recommend to anyone due to the graphic R rating and surprise nudity. I laughed really, really hard in this movie even sometimes when I shouldn't have and so as soon as I finish typing this blog post I plan on purifying my mind by reciting many Bible verses - no lie.

(Mom start reading again here)

After watching Wedding Crashers I popped in to see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. The movie had already been on for 30 minutes and I had planned on only staying for a quick sneak peak, but I ended up staying for the whole show. Hands down it was the best movie of the three I saw this weekend. The brilliant acting of Johnny Depp and the creative cinematography of Tim Burton was the perfect pairing. I laughed out loud so many times that I thought I was going to pop. I thihk it will be a DVD buy for me and I rarely buy movies because I get bored so easily with things that I can barely tolerate watching them or seeing them again unless they are super amazing. I also must state here for the record that I have never seen the Original Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. For the longest time I have heard Oompa Loompa jokes and I didn't get them - now I do.

So now I am back at work designing my life away on the weekend. The apartment got a modicum of mercy today as I went through and trashed some old bills and magazines that were piling up and were in need of a visit to the dumpster. I also cleaned the bathroom again because the shower curtain fell down today while I was giving myself a peppermint sea salt scrub from head-to-toe. No lie. Mom gave me three jars of different kinds of scrubs about a year ago. They have been sitting on the shelf unused and this morning I decided to give them a try. After scrubbing myself vigorously with all that oily, minty, scratchy, salt; I decided that I don't mind a little exfoliating because my skin felt silky smooth to the touch like the skin of a ripe tomato. And I smelled good too despite the fact that I was still a little oily when I got out of the shower. I then put on my running clothes and went for a steamy run and further allowed the oils to moisturize my skin.

Who needs a day spa? Just come to my house, use my shower and sea salt scrub and then we'll go for a run. Ladies only please.

Tasty Tidbits before the Weekend

Starbucks

I went to Starbucks on Wednesday and got a Iced Venti Upside Down Non-Fat Caramel Macchiato (Do I ever diet?). When the guy was making it he stopped and asked, "Did you say non-fat or whole milk?" and I responded, "non-fat please." He then looked at me and said, "I don't even know why you are asking for non-fat." Even though the compliment came from a dude in a very non-gay way I really appreciated it. Here I was ordering this sugary concoction and feeling guilty for doing so and someone pays me a compliment. I have to admit I did look good in my one-piece silver spandex body suit with black running shorts with blue piping, but no one has complimented me before when I was wearing this extremely flattering ensemble.

The Apartment Flooded

Wednesday night I came home from the gym late. I had just put in 45 minutes of intense cardio and then I went to the grocery store to get some eggs. When I arrived home I noticed that water was oozing out of my neighbors apartment under the door and through the concrete and stucco where water should not be seeping. This caused me to pause a moment and ponder what could possibly be going on. For a moment I actually thought that someone must have just washed our portico or perhaps a small Native American tribe had just done a rain dance in front of my door, but alas, it was neither.

Once I got into my apartment I went into my laundry room/office and noticed that there was water all over the floor. Fortunately it didn't harm my computer, but all of the computer cables were swimming in water and the computer was still on! Gasp! I gingerly unplugged everything knowing that it was probably stupid to be touching anything electric while standing in a puddle of water but I like living on the edge.

I cleaned up the mess and was up till two in the morning working on drying stuff out. Apparently a pipe burst upstairs and flooded the entire quadrant that I live in. Nothing important was damaged and the whole incident has actually forced me to reorganize my office space and has helped me get into gear about cleaning out some old papers that were in my office. In an effort to speed up the drying out process and the re-org process I just set the whole apartment on fire - everything is dry now and very organized into neat little black piles and the whole place has that wood burning scent that you normally only smell in the winter.

Lipo 6

Maksim (the Russian) gave me a bottle of fat-burning pills that he bought but decided not to use. I told him that I wasn't a big fan of diet pills because most of them are just caffeine crutches and I don't need no crutch! However, since he was giving me 30 dollars worth of drugs for free I took them - I NEVER turn down free drugs.

So yesterday I read the bottle and it says, "For Extreme Fat Loss - take two pills three times a day. Caution: Do not take within 6 hours of sleep."

I followed the instructions to the T and last night I was up till 2AM. Apparently this pill is as magical as the beans that were given to Jack because they kept me up all night cleaning rebuildin my apartment and I re-designed Posted Note and so I have a new template ready for when this months competition ends with this current template. I alos accidentally spilled a couple of pills in the sink and they grew into a giant plant that produce large orb like fruit and there was a huge purple snake on this green branch and it enticed me to partake of the fruit and if I did I would have the body of a greek god and the affections of Eva. Eva Longoria I inquired? And he said with a lisp," why yesth". Tossing caution to the wind (so cliche) I devoured the fruit despite knowing what it did to Adam and Eve and the rest of humanity and when I awoke this morning Eva Longoria was curled up on the pillow next to me and I had six pack abs and 2% bodyfat.

Starbucks Again

So this morning on the way to work I stopped at Starbucks again because Elaine of Eliner TV sent me a gift card since I did her reality tv site and so I have to use the gift card to try the new Green Tea. The guy told me, "It's really good and it has a hint of mint!" and so I am sipping it now and gagging with every slurp. It is not good, but I feel like I have to drink it since I paid so much for it. It tastes a lot like minty grass so if you like the taste of grass and you love mint - try the new green tea from Starbucks!

A New Relationship

"Where have you been?"

"Walmart, Target, sometimes 7-11"

"I was just there - I didn't see you at those places"

"Maybe you weren't looking in the right place?"

"Don't sass me, you have no right to sass me, I don't deserve this, I am a MAN and you will treat me like one!"

"I am not sassing you, I am just stating the facts"

"Well for the last 29 years I have needed you and suddenly I find you and now I can't live without you"

"You are always so dramatic, why are you always SO DRAMATIC"

"What I am is REAL, a little emotional at times, but real nonetheless. People don't always get me, but I expected you to."

"I am just a copper scrubber, how am I supposed to get you? You need to get a life."

"Oh, just for that I am going to stuff your face in a huge pot of dirty soapy water and when I am done with you I am going to leave you filled with bits and pieces of scrambled eggs and bacon and you can just sit there on the counter until I get home from work - how do you like that?"

"Um, you dim wit, that is what I am supposed to do, I freakin' live for that sort of thing"

"Is that so? Well then I am going to put you in the drawer and never use you again then!"

"Yeah right, you need me, now that you have found me you can't live without me."

"Now look who is being dramatic, you big drama queen, we'll just see who needs who more."


And that is pretty much how dish washing went last night. I couldn't believe how handy those copper scrubbers could be for scrubbing away tough grime on a dirty pan. I burned some onions in a pan and let the pan soak for days scrubbing away every day using a green scrubber and finally I gave up - I actually considered throwing the pan away! Then I found the copper scrubber - I now thank God for the copper scrubber every day - EVERY DAY.

Sideways

This week I am working at a remote location. I am one of those people that doesn't like to use public restrooms. I realize that most of my readers are ladies and I imagine that your bathrooms are rosy fresh and free of newspaper ridden stalls and urine sprinkled floors. I imagine that you have snack machines and a juke box in your restroom while most of the time we don't even have separators between the urinals for a little bit of privacy.

Today while at the remote location I found that I needed to take a grumpamoose and since I couldn't just drive to my house like I normally do I had to go at work in the public restroom. Ugh. Gross.

These work restrooms were apparently built in the 1960's when the average earthling was the size of a 4 foot Pygmy. Later they decided to install toilet paper dispensers the size of small hippo next to the toilet so the janitor would only have to change the toilet paper once a year - if that.

These enormous dispensers made it impossible for me (or anyone else I am sure) to sit on the toilet the normal way. I had to straddle the thing side saddle. This is not only uncomfortable but it does not allow for proper execution of the entire numero dos process. As we all know men are built differently than women and public toilets aren't built nice and round like they are at your house. I found that the oval shaped toilet made for near impossible bathrooming in such an akward positions and therefore trying to take a sideways bathroom break was once again a hassle.

For some reason while I am sitting there I can't help but think, "I so need to blog about this" and in the next thought I think about Ben of MIM and I think, "Oh, I bet he is the public restroom king and he would know what to do in this situation - too bad I don't have him on speed dial."

I finished my business albeit uncomfortably and departed with an additonal item to add to my list of why I don't like public restrooms.

Reason #68 Pooping sideways.

Hooters Hot Wing Chips!

I just popped over to the snack machine here at work with a craving for some peanuts and a diet coke and to my amazement there is a bag of chips that says, "HOOTERS HOT WING CHIPS!" in bold Hooters orange!

I can't resist anything with the word Hooters on it (just kidding, I so enjoy being controversial, or maybe I am not kidding and I don't want you to think that I am a perv) because I am a man and so I said to myself, Self, you must have these chips!

So I am eating them right now and they are delicious. There goes the diet out the window, I am so buying a huge bag of these as soon as I can find one.

http://www.taquitos.net/snacks.php?snack_code=2724

Here is the link so you can see the bag for yourself.

Austin - Been there, Done that.

Our troop departed from Denton at 2000 hours and made our way down 35W bearing in the southern direction at 36 longitude and 856 latitude.

Our Ford 250 was fully stocked and loaded and we were ready for some serious partying in Austin. We did not have any homemade acid since Albertson's was out of powdered bleach but fate has a way of keeping things in balance. We were barely on the road for 20 minutes when suddenly our trusty Ford flew off the road and into a large marijuana field and ignited the field on fire. Smoke billowed around us and instead of fleeing for safety we all inhaled deeply and got so stoned that we finally called 911 and asked them to come and help us and to please bring along 3 large pizzas.

Back on the road again after this momemtary set back we found that we no longer had our map with us and so we prayed to God in heaven to help us make our way to Austin and he obliged by giving us a pillar of cloud to follow by day and a pillar of fire by night. As a way of showing God our thankfulness we all decided to change our names to Biblical names for the entire weekend. We became Zephaniah, Malachi, and Habakuk. We farkled (rock, paper, scissors) for the name of Malachi since it was the coolest and Cody ended up winning the coveted sobriquet.

We arrived at the late hour of 1200 and we were all pleasantly surprised to find that our apartment/condo/flat was extremely post-modern deconstructionist neo-classical in design and therefore it suited us comfortably and fashionably.

Friday found us sleeping in and breakfasting late. We were directed to Kerby Lane for breakfast and found their fare to be more than appetizing. I was so lost in the goodness of my food that I misdirected my passion toward the waitress and had to be escorted from the building in handcuffs.

After a long discussion with the police I was finally released and so we made our way to the Capitol building. I was so overcome by Austin and its overall hippie feel that I decided that just for the weekend I would give up my Hebrew name Habakuk and change it to Dew Drop. I also made Dumas pull over so I could grab a tie-dyed t-shirt and a corn cob pipe.

We took plenty of pictures of our wonderful State Capitol and then that night we went to eat dinner at a place called "Waterloo". Famous for their record selling I personally think they should have stuck with records and left the food and restaurant industry to those proprietors that know what they are doing in the kitchen. My food was yuck, but we still had a good time because I got into a fight with the smug waiter that wanted to only give me a 10% discount on my food. Before it was over with I ended up deep fried and battered like an over-sized onion ring but you should have seen the other guy.

Saturday started out lazily as the rain fell down in buckets and made for a wonderfully blissful sleep. After we breakfasted we went kayaking on the Colorado River where I got many a blister on my hands from rowing like a mad man. Cody and Dumas decided to try to out run me numerous times, but in the end I caught them and I force fed them to a large snapping turtle. (okay, not really, but I wanted to)

Late Saturday night we went to eat Noodles and party on Sixth Street. I shook my money maker more than once and had a great time. Sixth Street is cool - the streets are full of people after midnight and they eventually had to shut them down.

The trip went really well and part of this story I embellished here and there, but only a little bit.

Dumas, Cody, and I had a great trip and you can see all the photos here:

http://www.postednote.com/austin.htm

I'm Baaacckkk!

Well, Austin was great and I am so lethargic this morning that I am surprised that I am even able to type this... check back later for updates and pictures, and when I say later that means like tomorrow as today has been busy and Blogger just now published a bunch of my comments and Posted Note had some issues earlier and then I couldn't get the pictures off of the camera and so I am sumo behind on my blogging today.

I have missed you guys though! I can't wait to show you guys all the pictures, prepare to explode with envy!

Austin - Here We Come!

Tonight I leave for a short road trip to Austin. I have lived in Texas my entire 29 years of existence and I have never been to our states capitol. I know what you are thinking, "What a reject from hee-haw!" And if you are thinking that then you are totaly justified. Most of my life here in Texas has been devoted to eating, sleeping, and not cleaning. My momma if she new what a laze she raised would probably be shocked and surprised and if she wasn't such an unconditionally loving mother she would probably have her name stricken from my birth certificate and have it replaced with someone like Kerstie Alley or Anna Nicole Smith.

Dumas and Cody will be road trippin' with me and although it is called a road trip we plan to take a few acid trips as well - that is if I can get a recipe for acid online and all the subsequent ingredients at the Albertson's by my house which is notorious for not having one crucial ingredient for every single special dish I try to whip up.

We will be traveling in a large Ford F250 Diesel pick up truck because when you live in Texas you have to have a truck and the bigger the better. I also plan to wear a straw cowboy hat, cowboy boots, overalls and leather chaps if I can find some in my size.

For lodging we will be staying in a palatial condo owned by a very famous photographer that is currently in France taking photos of the Tour de France. He is cousin to the ever popular Jonathan Dumas who just so happens to have a French name the same last name as Alexander Dumas who wrote the extraordinarily revengeful Count of Monte Cristo.

What is our quest? We plan to see the sites, take pictures of various locales and hot spots in Austin and bring back hordes of pictures that will leave you foaming at the mouth with delight. After viewing these pictures you will need for nothing, not money, not air, not even food because these pictures will be so great that you will probably spontaneously combust with excitement and or disappointment. The goal here at Posted Note is to twist your emotions in such a way that it totally melts your gray matter and you don't know what is up or down and you are left in a fetal position lying on the floor rocking back and forth in a state of delerium.

During this mini-vacation I do not plan to post any new posts here at Posted Note, however, that does not mean that you cannot come back to visit Posted Note, pore through the archives, read every last word that I have written, and subsequently find yourself with an IQ Level up to but not exceeding the IQ of Einstein multipled by the square root of pi.

I hope each of you has a delightful weekend wherever you are, and if you live in Austin then I would love to see you so drop me a line and we'll share a hit of homemade acid.

Authors Note: Doing drugs is stupid and wrong and making homemade drugs is also stupid and we at Posted Note do not condone drug usage. If you have a problem with drugs then please get help.

I Fondefinitely Do

Have you ever been out for Fondue with 3 crazy friends? If not then I suggest you go immediately.

Monday night Jessica and her husband Roger, myself, and KT of Kpinion all went out to dinner to The Melting Pot in Addison. Roger created the surprise birthday dinner for her and you can see pictures of us over at Jessica's site.

I have had fondue once at a friends house before, but it was nothing like what we had at The Melting Pot. Hot melted swiss cheese mixed with cracked pepper, brandy, and white wine with apples and bread for dipping. With each bite I went into another level of heaven. When the bowl of cheese was empty I immediately started to go into post cheese depression.

Fortunately, Chance our uber hilarious waiter, immediately brought over another fondue pot filled with steaming spices and herbs and plates full of various meats. Duck, Chicken, Pork, Salmon- almost immediately the cheese was forgotten and my spirits were lifted. I consumed bite after bite of freshly cooked meat covered in various sauces. My mouth practically had a seizure of pleasure as my teeth masticated each and every scrumptious morsel.

Soon the meat was gone and I was ready for dessert.

Plates of cheesecake, marshmallows, brownies, poundcake, strawberries, and bananas were brought out, as well as an already warm bowl of caramel and chocolate. After my first taste of the warm melted chocolate I had an out of body experience.

Floating on an ethereal plane I think I saw the face of Jesus. A never before felt euphoria settled into my being and the waves of pleasure I experienced were definitely otherworldly. As each bite was consumed I experienced this same explosive pleasure again and again. I dipped in and out, in and out of this bowl of goodness and when it was finally consumed I feened for more like a heroine addict. My body convulsed and I almost when into a full epileptic seizure. Fortunately, my companions had experienced this type of reaction before and so they immediately began talking me through this withdrawal.

Soon thereafter, having regained my faculties, I made my way to my vehicle feeling similar to the way Lance Armstrong must have felt after he won his 6th Tour de France - elated, satisfied, tired.

So if you haven't gone to The Melting Pot, I recommend you go, go now! What are you waiting for Silly!

Because I Can

I wade through the murky depths of my apartment hoping to avoid cleaning it for another day. Shrouded in darkness the discarded clothes left on the floor, on the table, and on the couch make the room look as if there has recently been an invasion of The Body Snatchers.

Dishes piled high in neat rinsed stacks waited to be placed into the dishwasher. They look at me each day with disapproving eyes shaming me with their presence. Each plate, each cup, each saucer seems to say the same thing to me, "Your mother taught you better than this!".

In my defiance I just remove my clothing and toss it in a heap on the living room floor. I parade around rebelliously like a college student in his freshman year. I flip through a stack of magazines; Runner's World, MuscleMag, and Muscle and Fitness. I pause to look at Michael Chiklis on the cover of Muscle and Fitness and think to myself he's come a long way since The Commish.

The apartment is warm. I was taught to conserve energy so I keep the thermostat at 80 when I am away. Sauntering over to my ever-inviting plum purple couch I prop pillows behind my back and beneath my calves. I turn on the telly and watch Oprah and then the news.

For an hour or more I luxuriate in the gloriousness of no responsibility wondering if there is anything more to life. Pulling myself up from the couch I move to my bedroom where my unmade bed stares at me blankly, I stare back resisting the miniscule urge to make it. An unnoticeable smile crossing my face like a kid who has just gotten away with stealing a cookie from the cookie jar.

Dressed I make my way to the gym and as I walk out the door my apartment begs me 0ne last time for a good cleansing, but the pleas fall on deaf ears. I shut out their cries because that is what we single men do.

This is the first time in my life that I have ever not had a clean apartment and I realize that the time will come when I will be married with children and my wife will expect a clean house, and I myself will expect a clean house. But for now, I am going to enjoy the fact that I will clean things whenever I darn well please and sometimes that feeling of doing something whenever I want is better than the feeling of a clean house.

Weekend Update

Fantastic Four Bewitched

Friday night I went and saw Bewitched with a good friend of mine - Nathan Allison. Nathan got married a month ago today and his wife already had to have a "Girls Night Out" - can't say I blame her. (just kidding nathan!)

Fantastic Four was really funny. I laughed numerous times and would watch it again in a heartbeat. I think it will be a DVD buy for me.

Saturday I went with Jimmy and Jill to Houston's here in Dallas off of Preston and Royal. If you live here in Dallas then it is a "must eat" restaurant. Everything is very warmly lit, the place is uber trendy without being pretentious. I really enjoyed it. After an early lunch we all went to see Bewitched and I laughed so loud once that I embarrassed myself which is a rarity.

Designs Within Reach

Sunday I worked on Anne Fitten's site, her actual book site, not her blog site. It is going supremely well and should be 99% complete this week. However, I had a few requests for template designs and so I obliged with these two latest installments.

http://www.postednote.com/happy.htm

Have you heard of The Phantom Prof? She also writes this blog about reality TV and so I put together this site for her. Her actual site where the template may or may not be posted yet is: http://elinertv.blogspot.com or http://phantomprof.blogspot.com which the template on that site was also created by eddo.

Another site I created for Steve is located here:

http://givemefiftyfeet.blogspot.com

Steve asked for something with Crosses and so I came up with this site. Steve, however, is in Russia I believe and so his template won't be posted until he gets back. His site is here:

http://jubalingen.blogspot.com/

I hope everyone had a great weekend and look for something more metaphorical later this week from Posted Note.

Who loves you? Eddo of Posted Note.

Determination

Rage filled Azarian as he looked out upon the world from 32nd floor of his apartment. He had wished that he could reach out and grab the sun and pull it to the closer to the Earth. He could almost hear the screams of people shouting as they burst into flame. Like a child he made sound effects as he fantasized about the mass hysteria, the confusion, and the destruction.

Azarian had always been a determined man. From an impoverished youth he had quite literally turned rags into riches by creating a synthetic material that cleaned like nothing else.

The Apprentice - Season IV

A Posted Note Behind-the-Scenes Exclusive!

Kermit, Trump, and the EMC Cow

Word on the street is that on Season IV of The Apprentice Kermit and the "Eat More Chicken" Cow are the two finalist going head-to-head vying for a position as the CEO of the one of Trumps multi-million dollar companies. Who do you think would make the better CEO?

Kermit is much older and more settled than the EMC Cow, however, the EMC Cow has youth and a lot of publicity and billboards.

Will Kermit get a corporate sponsor? Will the Chick-Fil-A "Eat More Chicken" Cow catch flack from PETA?

More details to come as this story develops.

You're Fired!

Terrorists in London

"LONDON, England (CNN) -- Four explosions in London's transport system have killed at least two people and wounded dozens more in what UK Prime Minister Tony Blair said was an apparent terrorist attack."

This morning as I was getting dressed and I heard this on the radio. I immediately stopped getting dressed and just listened for a moment. I remember when I was young and the World Trade Center was bombed. I didn't fully understand what was happening and it wasn't until 911 that I fully grasped the reality of a terrorist attack.

I am not a political strategist or analyst. I rarely keep up with governmental politics and I pretty much live in my own myopic world filled with air-conditioning, cell phones, reality tv, and take-out and so I don't really understand what terrorists have to gain from lashing out at strangers. I know it is to bring attention to themselves, I know it is intended to cause shock and awe, but in the end what have they gained? What is the benefit?

All I know is that it is very maddening and sad.

My heart goes out to all the people in London, if you are the praying type, then say some prayers for them and for the world as a whole.

It puts the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again...

Since I was losing my face I decided to put some lotion on - it was some cheap kind and it burns!

I took a picture of it so you could see my mad skills when it comes to moisturization.

Cool Citrus Basil from B&BW's

It burns, oh it burns!!! Perhaps I should have used a lotion designed for the face.

Don't look at me... I AM HIDEOUS!

Do you remember that scene in Poltergeist where that man is in the bathroom and he is vigorously washing his face. At one point he stops and looks in the mirror and notices that his skin is coming off and soon he starts pulling his face off in sheets.

My face is peeling from a sunburn right now and so it is peeling off in sheets and this morning I was walking around with flaky face and no one told me. I ate breakfast with Maksim and even he didn't say anthing to me and later I went into the bathroom and I stared at the freakish hideous visage before me and I nearly buckled from shock and dismay.

So if you see me, AVERT YOUR EYES CAUSE I AM HIDEOUS!!!

Would it annoy

you if I used the

subject line only

when creating a new post?

Freedom to Pray, Freedom of Speech, Freedom to Eat!!

I had a great 4th. Sunday night I went to Denton to Celebrate the 4th with some friends. We went out to Nik and Carrie's place out in the boonies and we set off a plethora of fireworks. Nik always buys the really big nice fireworks and apparently all of his neighbors also spend a weeks pay on fireworks because once again we had 360 degrees of fireworks to watch all night long.

We also had all the required American fare that is mandatory for a July 4th celebration. Cherry, peach, and apple cobbler, homemade vanilla ice cream, dirt cake, brisket, baked beans, Parker House rolls, spinach dip, coleslaw, potato salad... the list goes on and on. I personally ate enough food that had I sent the same quantity that I consumed to Africa I could have saved them and probably the rest of the world from hunger for at least a week. The whole "Live 8" concert would have been a moot point, but alas, I ate all of the food myself because I am big and selfish and I didn't have a way to get the food over to Africa anyway.

Monday I spent the day with my parents out on the lake. We started the day with breakfast at Old West in Sanger. I had the sourdough toast topped with hashbrowns, scrambled eggs and sausage gravy. I also had a side of bacon with that.

My Dad the Buoy Hugger

Then we went to the lake for about 5 hours and swam for a while. My dad got out in the water and swam over to one of those large buoy's that say, "No Wake" on them and he started climbing on it and he had both his arms and feet wrapped around it and it was so funny.

My dad is 70 and so you just had to be there to fully get the visual but he was straddling thing and it was rocking and spinning and he could barely hang on and so he said, "Eddie, come over here and push the other side!"

You see this thing is counter-balanced on the bottom with a big floating weight that holds it in place. Along with a huge rope that is covered in enough seaweed moss stuff that I could have opened a spa and given fifty ladies a full body seaweed moss wrap. So I am pushing on the other end and so now my dad is sticking straight up in the air still bear hugging this huge buoy and then I finally give up because I keep slipping all over the mossy stuff. I laughed and laughed at him. He is really so much fun and at 70 he is still like a big kid.

Later we went to Rudy's for a bbq lunch and then out to the new Cabela's in Ft. Worth to do some shopping for fishing nets and other sundry fishing items. That place is HUGE and if you are an outdoors enthusiast then this place is your Mecca.

Then to top off Eat Fest 2005 I went back to Cody Miller's house last night and we GORGE some more on hot dogs and homemade queso and fresh salsa. I made the queso and I must admit it was quite good.

So guess what today is... Time to start back on the South Beach Diet.

Let Freedom Ring.

Mall Moxie

I think I've lost it! Ugh.

I used to could just walk into a mall, find what I was looking for, purchase it and then leave satisfied knowing that I just "owned" that mall and destroyed it with my unheard of male mall moxie.

I went to the mall today and tried on no less that 15 shirts. My arms are big and so are my shoulders, no brag just fact. My waste is getting smaller and that means that I need shirts that are tapered or else the shirts are all billowy around the waste and when you have worked hard to lose said waste then the last thing you want is voluminous amounts of materials draping around your midsection.

Then while in Collin Creek Mall I could NOT FIND THE BATHROOM! I am serious. I actually went to the mall directory thing and found the little restroom sign and still couldn't find it. Livid I went back into Foley's and asked them if they had a bathroom and I finally got to use it. Note to self, do not drink a 44 oz glass of water before you go to the mall to try on 15 shirts.

As I was leaving the mall I would have bet my left you know what on the fact that I had entered through Foley's. I came out of Foley's and looked EVERYWHERE for my truck. After multiple attempts to find it I started to panic. I almost called 911 when I remembered that the doors that I entered through didn't look like Foley's doors, they were much smaller and less trendy. I had entered through Mervyn's! I don't even like Mervyn's how was that possible?

Thanking the Lord above that I didn't call 911 and subsequently look like a stupid fool I hopped in my truck and realized that someone has apparently stolen my Mall Moxie much like Fat Bstrd stole Austin Powers' Mojo.

Have I crossed a point of no return? Have I swam in this pool of bachelorhood for so long that there is no going back to the safety of the metrosexual shores?

I used to love going to the mall and shopping. What is happening to me!? What pray tell is happening to me!!!!! (eddo falls on his knees looks to the sky while the sky darkens, rain falls, and thunder and lightning stike. and... scene.)

A Hodge Podge of Posts

Strip Search Kept

First of all last night I watched Strip Search over at Maksim's apartment. Maksim is out of town hiking in the Rockies with Zee Russians. I was invited. I passed. I instead took a key to Maksim's apartment because he has cable and I don't. I miss MTV and VH1 and last night I watched a great episode of Pimp My Ride with Xzibit and then I channel surfed and started watching this show called Kept on VH1. All of you probably know what this show is about but if you don't then I will tell you. It is a reality show about guys trying to win a spot for a year to be a "Kept" man living with Jeri Hall in England. Would I like to be a kept man? Yes.

After Kept another show came on called Strip Search and when I saw the previews I figured it was going to be a real cheesy show with guys trying to dance and strip but in reality it was just some guys picking on each other and griping and trying to dance. I am not sure what an All Male Revue is - but I inferred from the show that it is something like Chippendales and that is what these guys were competing for - a chance to be in a group like Chippendales.

The show was inspirational, I looked at these guys and thought... hmm... I can dance better than that - perhaps I should get a six pack and then try out for one of these groups? just kidding.

Boston Memories

And then this morning on my way to work they were talking about a 4th of July picnic at the Botanical Gardens in Fort Worth and I was reminded of my trip to Boston in 2001 with Alan Meadows and how we went to the Commons and there was a play in the park. It was something Shakespearean but I don't recall the name of it now. Anyway, everyone was having a good time sipping wine and eating cheeses and baskets of bread and pizza and salads. Alan and I didn't have any food as we just came upon the play by happenstance, but it still felt like we were at a giant picnic and I remember it was one of the coolest things ever. Read all about our trip here. Unfortunately, in this travel journal there is a picture of me and I think I look faggoty (is that the pc term?) maybe it is just me, but I don't like it. Another travel Journal that is quite interesting is this one - http://www.youcancallmeal.com/type/travelog.php?album=9 ( just for you Angelica my number one fan.) It is from our road trip to Houston.

Mr. 3000

On a separate note I reached 2,951 uniqe visitors this month which is a huge milestone for Posted Note. I want to thank all of you for visiting. My goal is to get 3000 unique visitors for July and so if you see gratuitous usage of buzz words like Jenny Finch, Paris Hilton, Dukes of Hazzard, Justin Timberlake, Jessica Simpson, Angelina Jolie, or the words nude and naked used over and over please forgive me in advance. I just want to be Mr. 3000 one time.

Okay, now that I have bored you to tears with a bunch of random stuff I promise to write something entertaining soon.