When in France...

Mom don't read this!

These were prompted by a dream and are meant to be funny so please don't take them too seriously. Click on the link above for some actual interesting French Kissing information.


A good kiss, a really good one, comes from desire. When the desire is right, the kiss, no matter how flubbed up, is still something magical.

However, sometimes the magic needs to be made, or conjured up, and that is where these tips may come in handy...

The thing to remember when kissing, or when kissing me at least is that I am not a fan of feeling your teeth smashed hard against my lower lip. Nope. When I am done kissing my lips should not be bruised and bleeding.

Helicopter tongue. Do I need to say more? A good kiss is all about reading your partner, matching them pace for pace, not trying to outdo them - it's not a competition.

Too much speed is a bad thing, but not enough and then whoa! Have you ever experienced that? The not enough kisser? It's like kissing a piece of medium rare prime rib.

The best part about kissing is that with each person it is different, but the basics are the same. You get two people together with chemistry and it just works or it doesn't.

So what do you say, how bout you coming over here and seeing if we have some chemistry?

Oh, and here is a quick clip of Melina Dancing.

And some pictures of me with Gloria Campos and Troy Duncan at the Channel 8 Staff party. If you aren't from Dallas then you might not know that they have been on Channel 8 News for years and so they are quasi-famous like us ManiAACs! hahaha.

Girls are Gullible

One thing that I learned in marketing class was "know your target audience."

I know that most of my readers are hot women and so I know that the title of this post may get me in to trouble, but I think after you read what I have to say, then you will agree with me - Girls, not all, but a good majority, are gullible.

So this girl is at my apartment and she says, "I like how you have your shower curtain being held up." And I said, "That is a shower CD player, you just stick your CD's up there and they play..." She had a look of incredulity, but then she broke and said, "Really?"

Of course I got a good laugh out of that one.

Now I was at a Maverick game the other day and before the game there is a group of kids that show up and try to get into the game for free by dressing up in paint and crazy clothes and doing cheers. They are called Super-Fans. Well, I walked up to this 16 year old girl who was all painted up and tied to her back was a plastic sign with the Mavericks logo on it, it was supposed to be a cape and I knew that. I walked over to her and I said, "Excuse me, miss? You have a bag stuck to your back." She looked at me like I was stupid and she said, "It's not a bag, it's, it's a cape." I looked puzzled and said, "No, it's a bag." I thought she was going to cry and so I laughed and said I was joking. I still don't think she understood that I was playing.

I may continue this series as this kind of stuff happens to me all the time. I have even fooled a few of my blog readers with this post...

The Ex
I went to see an old girlfriend yesterday. I have seen her a couple of times in the last couple of months, but it has been a while since we spent some real quality time together.How does it happen? One minute you are close, inseparable, and then you wake up one morning and you just don't feel the same anymore.

I sidled up to her slowly, a light smile on my face. I noticed her boxy frame right away, she stood out, but she was still classy, neat, and sophisticated. She always did like to hob nob with the rich and sophisticated. She greeted me with open arms and welcomed me into her embrace. She smelled like fresh baked cookies and roses.

I continued to size her up taking my time, as always her melons were big and round, and plump. She had them sitting out there on display for me and everyone else to see. I looked at them, wistfully, remembering the many times that they had made me happy.

I walked around to check out her rump roast, and as always, it was bangin, just hanging out there - kapow, I couldn't wait to get my hands on it. The memories came flooding back to me and the images played in my mind they way the do in a sitcom when everyone has a flashback and a harp plays and the screen gets all fuzzy around the edges. It was magical.

Maybe it is because I have deep seated commitment issues, there are so many just like her, and it is hard to settle down. No matter how good she was to me, how would I ever know if she was the one?People say that when you find the one, you will know, and you won't have any doubts, I am still waiting for that doubt free relationship. The one that provides a money back garauntee, the one that will triple the value of my coupons, the one where I never need a price check - is she out there?

The more time we spent together the more I wondered why we had ever parted, perhaps it's because I don't like to put all my eggs in one basket, or because she caught me with one of her friends- Little Debbie. It was like a fatal attraction, I had to have her even though I knew she was bad for me.

The Ex had other very attractive friends as well, Betty Crocker, Mrs. Dash, Mrs. Butterworth - they were all so tempting and all "off limits" - how could we ever be together if I kept finding myself so drawn to her closest friends? I should have realized the relationship was doomed from the start. We remain friends, we see each other every now and then, but we will never have a relationship like we had in the past.


Yes, you ladies are easier to fool than the gents. Maybe, just maybe it is because, "Men are born liars and women are inclined to believe them."

Ugh. I am too tired to really conclude this post well. Just leave me a few comments and we'll call it a weekend.

Love you guys and gals.

Go Mavericks!

The GraniAACs! They performed and were a huge hit. They have performed at the play-offs before and were so loved that they had to be brought back. Each of these grannies had better moves than many young girls that I see at the clubs these days.

The Play-offs just keep getting better. These girls are really representing.

Coming soon on Posted Note:

Girls are Gullible
French Kissing Tips - what NOT to do when you are kissing me.
Videos of Melina Dancing and maybe one of Crystal and I on DDR - Dance Dance Revolution!!!

Tarek Rocked the House

Tarek Saab, contestant on this season's The Apprentice, spoke today at T.I. When I first heard that he was coming I was excited, but I didn't know what to expect from a 1 hour speaking engagement. Would he talk just about the show? Would he talk about what he does for T.I.? Just what was he going to talk about?

Well, he ended up talking about a lot of things, but most importantly he talked about 9 things that you need to learn to succeed in a corporate world. These same 9 things are going to be in a book that is supposed to be published later this year. When asked why he was writing a book he said, "It is for young men and they need good role models." He went on to say that he receives quite a few emails from college males asking him how he achieved so much success at an early age. He later realized the few men know how to succeed in life because our culture lacks direction and young men tend to be confused.

This took me by surprise. Here was this 27 year-old quasi-celebrity and he was talking about being a good role model for young men. He was humble and he wasn't looking out for #1, but instead taking the time to write about his own personal experiences in order to help others. He was genuine, sincere, transparent, and genuinely funny.

He talked about how he worked at McDonalds when he was in college and in the back while making burgers they sang, "Don't go chasing waterfalls" by TLC and how he worked hard to move up from just a bun toaster to a burger assembler.

He also credits a lot of his success to his parents and their dedication to his success. His immigrant father worked 2 jobs so he could take ballet lessons and play sports. They instilled a work ethic in him that is rarely seen in children and young adults these days.

He also talked about mistakes that he made when he was younger and even mistakes that he has made recently here at work and it made him seem more approachable and real.

All in all I was impressed. One of the best speakers I have heard in a long time. It was one of those times when you go into something with low expectations and then you come out having learned something new and having your expectations exceeded.

So when you watch Tarek on Monday nights on The Apprentice, know that he is more than just an Orlando Bloom look-alike with some serious brains - he is a real person and a really cool dude.

Tarek Saab Speaks at TI

In about 10 minutes I am going to hear Tarek give a talk here at TI. It will be about his experience on The Apprentice. I'll tell you later how it goes.

Oh, and did you see that the Mavs destroyed the Grizzlies last night? We are 2-0 in this play-off series. I also got some great pictures of the GRANIAACs who performed last night. They worked it out!

Self-Preservation

As I said in my previous post, Chanc spent the weekend at my apartment with his girlfriend and his step-daughter. They went to Six Flag on Saturday and so I didn't see them most of the day, but we all slept in on Sunday morning. I got up and went into the living room and saw little Melina curled up next to Chanc. She was holding onto him so tightly as if to say, "Don't ever let me go Daddy."

When I saw Chanc curled up with Melina for a moment I slipped and let myself feel. I let myself hope that I could have that someday, but I quickly pushed the thought out of my head knowing full well where that thought can lead - depression.

It isn't that I don't think that I will have kids someday, I believe I will, it is the not knowing when that is the hardest to deal with. I think it is the same for everyone who is still single by the age of 30. By the age of 30 you have had enough time to complete college, to find a decent job, to buy the things that you have wanted, to enjoy your solitude, and so the only accomplishment left is to get married and have some children. Your friends start having babies and buying houses and settling down and it seems that everyone else's world is moving along nicely and yours isn't.

You start to wonder when you are sitting alone at home on your couch if this is where you will be in 30 years. Alone. On a purple couch. Blogging. Reaching out and touching someone, but never feeling more than the keys of your keyboard. Never holding on to someone that you cherish so much that the thought of losing them would rip you in two. Never having kids, never being loved. Never being challenged by chicken pox and doctor bills. Never being talked back to. Never having grandchildren.

The questions come at you hard and quick, jabbing at your insides, probing for your weaknesses. It hurts. It erodes away hope. It gives way to fear. So you push away the pain by building up walls. Nice heavy-duty walls to protect you. Walls that say, I don't need that, I am fine by myself , I won't be alone forever. Over time the walls become cracked and you have to patch them up with fresh lies. Lies that you make you believe that you can go on one more day, one more year, one more decade without somebody to love.

It's a form of self-preservation. One that works flawlessly until someone wonderful comes along... then you are in trouble. You have to decide to let down your gaurd. To love like you've never been hurt. To hope against hope that maybe this one will be The One.

It's a rough journey, a pilgrammage of sorts with a final destination in mind. A destination that is made all the more sweeter because of the work it took to get there. Besides, I don't even know if I want to get married, 0r if I want to be burdened with children, who needs love anyway? It's way over-rated.

Rowdy, Loud, and Proud!

Last night was my first Mavericks Playoff Game! We beat the Memphis Grizzlies 103-93 and pretty much "owned" them the entire game.

Now this week we have ManiAAC practice on Tuesday night and a game on Wednesday night and I will be in Houston on Wednesday day and I think I might go crazy with my busy schedule - but it is fun.

Over the weekend my cousin Chanc, his daughter Melina and his girlfriend Crystal stayed at my house. We had a great time.

Here is a picture of Melina - she is a cutie.

Five Loaves, Two Fishes, and a Pack of Newport Kings

I joke sometimes about being quasi-famous, but the truth is that I AM.

I know what it is like to have Paparazzi follow you to your car. Last Saturday, while on stage, a woman threw a glass of ice water in my face for no apparent reason. I have been hounded for autographs and begged for handouts. But I realize it is all part of being a celebrity.

The one thing that really clicked for me when it comes to being a celebrity is the charity work that we get to do. Sometimes it is a basketball game that helps the Special Olympics, or a talent show at a high school to raise money for kids. And sometimes it comes in the most unlikely of forms...

I left the game on Wednesday night after having one of the best ManiAAC days of my life. I decided to cap off my evening with an ice cream sandwich from Pokey O's as well as pick up some cookies for my co-workers. As I am leaving the store arms loaded down with two bags of Cinnamon Raisin Walnut, White Chocolate Cranberry, Fudge Nut Brownie, and Milk Chocolate Chip cookies, this woman stops me and says, "Do you mind buying me just a half sandwich?"

Now I am in one of the richest parts of Dallas and so it wasn't surprising to me that the girl that asked me for food was dressed in cute capri pants, nice clogs, silver designer belt and a black shirt. Apparently here in the Highland Park area even the beggers realize that they need to look stylish if they don't want to get hauled off to Oakcliff or Red Oak.

I agree to buy her a sandwich and so we head into Roly Poly's. They tell us that they are closed.

Clarissa, that was her name, says to me, "Well, do you mind taking me home?" Of course I am wary that behind her sweet facade lies a deadly criminal that once I have her in my car will whip out a stun gun and later I will wake up in bathtub full of ice sans kidneys. I ask her where she lives, "Off of I-20". As soon as she says this I say, "I am sorry, that is out of my way". I-20 isn't an area that I am familiar with and I am a little afraid to take her home. She then says, "How about you just take me to the 7-11 and buy me something to eat there?" I agree.

In the store she says, "I think I will just get a slurpee.... and this bag of chips... and do you mind getting me some money for train fare?"

"How much is train fare?"

"It is 2.50"

"Sure, no problem."

"Well, would I be asking too much for a package of Newport Kings?"

"What?"

"A pack of Newport Kings"

"Sure"

At this point I am just ready to be done with her and $11.98 later I had her out of my hair.

After going through all of this I wonder how much was left out of the story in the Bible where Jesus fed the 5000. I bet that when those people saw how the food was multiplying I bet at last one went up to Christ and said, "Would you mind getting me a slurpee?" And when Christ miraculously made them a slurpee out of a stone, they probably had the gall to say, "What about a pack of Newport Kings?"

ManiAACs Perform with Rockettes

Yesterday was one of my best days as a Mavs ManiAAC. We got to perform with real Rockettes from New York.

I took off from work at 11 and then went to the Power House of Dance to practice with the ladies and to do a quick filming with the "Why" guy from Channel 8. My mom called and said, "Hey, you are on TV!" That is always fun to hear.

Here is a quick picture - but there are more on flickr.

Last night we performed with the Rockettes during the game and it was a hit. We high kicked our way into the heart of our fans and the Rockettes and I have never had so much fun performing before. With me in the picture is Samandra and Melissa, two Very, Very sweet gals that won me over with more than just great legs and big smiles.

On a separate note, I hear Ace got kicked off of American Idol last night... sorry to see him go, but my vote is for Paris and Taylor Hicks!

Easter Update - the fun stuff

This is what we had for Dinner on Friday night. Chicken Tandoori and Seekh kabobs dipped in Masala sauce. It was delicious.














What you gonna do with all that junk, all that junk inside that hump?













Lindsey and another cute dancer in some over-sized glasses. We had a blacktop bash on Sunday in Dallas at Academy Sports and Outdoors. 7 players showed up including: Josh Powell, Devan Harris, Jerry Stackhouse, and Dsagana Diop and many more.







Jessica is totally trying to figure out how to use my hot and fresh new BlackBerry 8700g. It is way out of her scope of intelligence - which is saying a lot because Jes knows a lot about nothing.












Easter Treats! I ate all of these in one sitting.


There are more photos on flickr if you want to click on the link you can see them all.

Much Love!

Fattest, Sexiest, Flashiest Fireman saves cat from Tree - with Style

Fireman Dale Wilson who is not only a Fireman but also a fat male dancer saved a cat from a tree on Friday. Upon arriving at the scene Mr. Wilson turned the sirens down on the fire truck and started blasting a mix of hip hop tunes. After several 8 counts of hip thrusting and maniacal gyrations Mr. Wilson pulled out a ladder (covered in sparkly sequins) climbed the tree and rescued the cat.

A crowd gathered around to watch the rescue and then stayed for an encore performance as well as hot dogs and cokes provided by Fireman Dale.

Dale offered to teach the crowd the dance moves if they would come back his house, but apparently everyone in the crowd had a life and they needed to get back to it.

Dale was so upset that the people didn't stay to learn the routines that he whipped out his hose and started blasting people with a jet stream of water. Then he laughed wildly and started saying "Wet T-Shirt Contest! Wet T-Shirt Contest!"

When asked of his bizarre behavior Dale responded with "Well if they don't want to learn how are they gonna be able to perform at the next cat rescue? You can't perform if you don't learn the frickin ROUTINE!!!"

Dale was later tested for drug and alcohol usage but was found to be clean. After asking some of his fellow firemen they said that this was pretty much the way the Fattest, Sexiest, Flashiest Fireman always acts.

(okay, this is mostly an inside Mav ManiAAC joke but hopefully you can appreciate some of the humor.)

Easter

The Easter service was outside this year at Fellowship Church. I didn't like it. It was cramped and hot and I just wasn't feeling the outdoor mood. For me Easter is all about getting dressed up and going to church with the family. You wear pastels and you tuck your shirt in. The service is almost always about the death and resurrection of Christ and even though you have heard the same story every year - you look forward to hearing about it again.

The single point that I recall about the message yesterday was that it was Mary Magdalene that was the first to find the tomb empty and that if Christians were going to make up a story about the tomb being empty they would not have said that women found the tomb empty because women were considered second class citizens and no one really listened to what they had to say.

So the point of the message yesterday was really about proving that Christ did indeed rise again from the dead. For most of us Christians we believe this to be true because we believe what the Bible says, but what about people who don't believe in the Bible?

I think it is interesting to debate sometimes with non-believers about the validity of our faith because it forces me to look deeper into the history of our religion. Ours is the only one where the deity that is worshipped rose from the dead. Christ isn't in a tomb and so we don't make a pilgrimage to the tomb and pay our respects. We don't do anything to get into heaven, we just believe in Christ and we are saved. We don't come back as animals or plants. We believe in self-control and self-denial, but not in forced asceticism. We try to follow the Ten Commandments and there is nothing in our religion that is ritualistic other than going to church every Sunday.

Easter is the most important Holiday to Christians. Yes, it was important that Christ was born, but it was even more important that he died and rose again. What if he had opted not to die? What if he hadn't rose again?

Easter is a great time for being with friends and family and most importantly to be reminded of the sacrifice that Christ made for us.

I hope everyone had a great weekend.

Much Love.

8 Levels of Easter Cuteness

Little Ari Johnson my good friend Nikki's little boy. Apparently Nikki hasn't heard of Cadbury... but Ari doesn't seem to mind that his mom thinks he is an oversized rabbit.

Happy Easter Everyone! I love you guys.

I'm Broken...

One of the things that "they" don't say much about relationships is how they affect you long after they are over. How long does it take to scrub away relationship residue... or will it always remain?

In my last relationship my girlfriend loved emo and indie rock. Coldplay, Modest Mouse, Orenda Fink, Death Cab For Cutie, Snow Patrol - she loved them all. I was a fan of many of these artists, but as we spent time together we listened to what she liked 99% of the time. She didn't like Rap or R&B and since I am pretty flexible when it comes to my musical tastes I always made sure that I had stuff that she liked on CD.

What I didn't realize with my last relationship is that when I broke up with her I was also breaking up with the things that we shared together. I don't enjoy Coldplay anymore, or Death Cab for Cutie, or any of the CD's that we listened to together over and over. Music is the one thing that we really shared and when she left she took that music with her.

This was one of our favorites. The words are fitting for this post.

Fix You - Coldplay

When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love some one but it goes to waste
could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Boys and Guns

I remember one year for Christmas I got a gun. It wasn't as cool as the airsoft guns you see now days, but it was pretty cool. You could load it with these little soft yellow pellets and they would shoot one-at-a-time with very little intensity.

I loved the gun. I wanted one so bad and I remember having it for all of about 30 minutes. I shot my sister with it in the arm (accidentally) and my dad got furious. He grabbed the gun away from me and tried to snap it in half. I clearly remember almost laughing as he tried to break the gun.

This was my real dad mind you and if it had been my step dad I would never have thought about laughing. I would have been terrified, but my real dad had never spanked me.

I only remember getting spanked by my real dad one time and that was when we went to Disney World and I complained too much that my feet hurt. My real dad always favored my sister Dena and he carried her on his shoulders but her never carried me. Yes, my feet hurt, but part of me was crying out for attention that I never received from him.

I am thinking about getting him a set of fathers day gift baskets each one filled with the things he never gave me and some of the things he took away - like his love and a yellow pellet shooting gun.

Virginity For Sale to the Highest Bidder

This is all I remember from Memoirs of a Geisha which I rented over the weekend.

And here is where you need to stop reading if you don't want me to spoil it.

The movie is creepy because it is about girls who are sold into a world of prostitution and it is glamorized to some degree.

Zang Zi Yi's character meets an older man at the age of 9 and he is kind to her and she instantly falls in love with him and prays to become a Geisha so she can be part of his world. The crazy thing is that at the end of the movie you find out that he helps her to become a Geisha and that he was in love with her too.

Now if I met a 9 year old girl today, the last thing I would think would be how I could help her become a Geisha so that one day I could marry her. Doesn't that seem twisted? If he knew that she was trapped in this house and he was rich, why didn't he just buy her and spare her this life of cruelty?

I am sure that in reality that my solution to this problem would be laughable. The very thought of a man helping a young girl out of the goodness of his heart would probably have been absurd in Japanese culture.

The movie is a good story and an eye opener to the cruelties that women have to face in some cultures. I recommend watching it if you are intrigued by anything Oriental or Japanese or Asian or Vietnamese or Korean, like I am.

BlogJacket

Ugh. This site is taking me soooo much work. I redid it for the 4th time over the weekend. I spent about 8 hours working on the design and it still isn't to the level I want it to be, but it is heading in the right direction.

One thing I did was upload most of my portfolio to flickr. It is fun to see all of my designs in one place.

Click here to see them all in a set!

History

These are my parents and my grandparents on my mom's side. My parents are 20 years apart and so some of these pictures date back to the 1940's.

My mom is in the upper left hand corner and that is her mother next to her. I think both of them are beautiful. My dad is in the lower right hand corner.

To see a bunch of new photos then check out my flickr photo stream on the right.

Aaron Shust - My Savior My God

I suggest going and buying this entire album from itunes or your local Christian bookstore, but in the meantime, enjoy the MP3 here. Download it. Listen over and over and apprecaite it as much as I do.

I am not skilled to understand
What God has willed, what God has planned
I only know at His right hand
Stands one who is my Savior
I take Him at His word and deed
Christ died to save me; this I read
And in my heart I find a need
Of Him to be my savior

That He would leave His place on high
And come for sinful man to die
You count it strange, so once did I
Before I knew my Savior

Chorus (2x’s)

My Savior loves, My Savior lives
My Savior’s always there for me
My God: He was, my God; He is
My God is always gonna be

Yes, living, dying, let me bring
My strength, my solace from this spring;
That He who lives to be my King
Once died to be my Savior
That He would leave His place on high
And come for sinful man to die
You count it strange, so once did I
Before I knew my Savior
Chorus (2x’s)
(Instrumental)
Chorus: (2x’s)
My Savior loves, My Savior lives
My Savior loves, My Savior lives

I Dream Sins and Tragedies

The room was dark and silent despite the fact that there were six of us clustered there. I held tight to my AK-47 and then watched as the video started. What is it? I stared at the screen, my heart pounding, my palms sweating. Then I saw him, crouched in the recesses of what looked like a shallow cave. The camera zoomed in close to his face. I expected to see fear, the same fear that was gripping me, but instead I saw eyes filled with regret.

He looked to be 18 with a ragged red shirt and torn black jeans. He clutched a small book to his chest. I wondered if it was a Bible. A hand extended beneath the camera holding sometihng small and then it was tossed toward the boy. In an instant it spun like a firecracker filling the cramped space with light and then it exploded.

The video ended and I turned to the guys in the room with me.

"This is what happened to the last guy who betrayed us."

My heart sunk. I couldn't back out, but I didn't think we would be able to pull of the bank robbery, I didn't want to die, but I didn't want to go to prison either.

What was I to do?

Blogger Gifts

A gift from Stephanie which has me really on a caffeine high this morning.

A gift from Leann that is so cool I hate to use it - but Leann, I promise I will. It came with a video to learn how to use it, but I loaned out my VCR and never got it back.

I got this shirt from Anne Fitten Glenn - which ended up getting me quoted on the Asheville movie site.

I got this from Sydney, Ben's wife and I love it. I also got some silver coins from Ben, but I have no picture of them.

What I cherish most about these gifts is that I have never actually met these people in person, but we have formed friendships online and they are all quite special to me.

So have you received any blogger gifts? If not, send me your address and I will send you some gifts!

"Would You like Me to Sprinkle that with some freshly popped Hot-Buttered CockRoaches?"

Um, no thanks, I prefer just the salt and butter please...


I think everyone that goes to college falls in love with Psycholgoy and Sociology - two courses required by most state schools if not all. I aced both classes because they were both so fascinating. However, unlike most people, I purged the Pavlov's dog analogy from my repertoire of analogies - but I didn't purge my knowledge of it, or my knowledge of Taste Aversion.

Taste Aversion is where you eat something and you get food poisoning and you vomit and diarrhea for 3 days, or you just projectile vomit, or you just have explosive diarrhea. Either way, you are so miserable that years later the thought of eating that thing that made you sick, still makes you sick, and so you don't eat it.

Well, to make this long story even longer...

I went to see Inside Man last Saturday and I was eating a medium popcorn and I was about 1/10 of the way into the back when I ate something so unlike anything I had ever eaten before. It was crispy, but it's crisp was different than any crisp I have crisped in the last 3o years of my life. The taste was vile and I was 99.9% certain that I had just enjoyed my very first freshly popped, hot-buttered cockroach.

It was a good thing that the movie hadn't already started because the gagging and spitting that ensued after consuming the insectile vermin was on par with that of an epileptic seizure to the power of 10.

Now, I remember growing up watching Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom and they ate large beetles and monkey brains, and so maybe freshly popped hot buttered cockroaches are a delicacy in some countries... but I have never been much of a gourmand and so I will continue to enjoy my movie snacks without the "bonus" treats - thank you very much.

So now, thanks to my visit to the AMC Theatre at Legacy in Plano, I can no longer eat popcorn. I have a new Taste Aversion.

Come On Work it Out!

One of my co-workers, who has innocent boyish looks but the wicked mind of a serial killer, brought in his external hard drive that was chock full of music and some other stuff that sounded a lot like people screaming. (Thanks Michael, please don't put me in your freezer, alive, or dead for that matter)

A plethora of tunes from Ace of Base to Z Z Top, 25+ GIGs of music all to be loaded for my listening pleasure. So to put it simple, Beyonce had to get to work. (Beyonce is my iPod for those of you who haven't memorized every single blog post that I have written. Shame on you for that by the way.)

One thing that they don't tell you about trying to load 2000 songs onto an iPod all at once is that it takes a really, really long time. I have to wonder what is going on in there? PICK UP THE PACE B! Man, I feel like Jay Z already.

"Teachers" is on so I gotta bounce.

Take Me Out to the Ballgame

Texas Rangers, ManiAACs, Opening Day - yes, it was fun. Yes, I have pictures. Unfortunately, I spent all my time tonight working on www.blogjacket.com and so I posted no pictures to flickr, but I will. I promise.

I saw Inside Man over the weekend. It is good, but the ending is very bizarre and somewhat anti-climactic. They should have wrapped it up a bit sooner and it would have been an amazing movie.

Love ya!

I'm an X-Man, a Mutant, a Metamorph

I expect to hear it any moment now. The knock at the door informing me that Dr. Xavier has arrived, he has finally found me, a man that can morph into a woman. By the time you read this post I will probably be at his school for the gifted, which we all know is just a ruse for people with extremely special talents.

It happens every single week. I can't help it, I don't know when it started, but I know it is getting worse. It starts with Extreme Make-Over Home Edition and ends with Grey's Anatomy. For 3 hours I am a big girl. If I had hair it would probably be in curlers. If I knew where to get those toe separator thingys they would probably be wedged between my toes. If I wasn't on a diet I would surely be eating bon bon's or swilling chablis or doing both while talking on the phone about Grey's Anatomy to my best gal pal and ripping apart all the pretty girls - like Dr. McDreamy's wife or Eva Longoria.

I do like to groom on Sunday. It is my day of rest and the one day a week that I shave, and moisturize and clip my toenails. Pretty soon I think I might need to start waxing my eyebrows and maybe even my chest - no one likes a Chubaka. (insert Chubaka groan here.)

Funny thing about this transformation is that it only lasts for such a short period of time. Come Monday morning I am back to scratching, burping and peeing standing up. (I love being a man if not for that reason only.)

Oh, there's the doorbell, I need to go. I am not sure how my special powers are going to be able to help Dr. X save humanity, but I am sure he will find a way.

So next time you see a 6' 5" 300lb woman in the nail polish aisle at Wal-Mart, take a second look, because it might not be a woman, but a super hero on a mission to save the world from hooker red nail polish and Exclamation! perfume.

Observations

The most overused phrase for new churches and Florists/Nurseries - "Come Grow With Us!" Ugh. If I see this un-original phrase one more time I am going to stick my hand in the garbage disposal.

The most overused simile when desribing a new movie or novel - "...emotional rollercoaster" as in ... Steel Magnolias was an emotional rollercoaster or James Frey's new novel is an emotional rollercoaster. I am so tired of seeing "emotional rollercoaster" that I want to pluck out my eyeballs, however, I am afraid that if I do someone would write, "Watching Eddie pluck out his eyeballs was such an emotional rollercoaster..." Frick.

The people who work at Starbucks are almost always ultra-perky - almost to the point of being zany.

If Little Debbie has been eating her own snacks all these years, I doubt that she is little anymore and that is why we don't see her on commercials.

We still see the Pillsbury Doughboy in commercials, I think it would be funny if they made him a little fatter so he would be more realistic - that little fatty.

Blockbuster employees always look like band geeks. (no offense band geeks)

Something about Jodie Foster is sexy, but I am not quite sure what it is.

Gwen Stefani has no pigment, but she is still really hot.

Denzel Washington is Black.