Evan Stark | Posted Note

I had a great 4th. Sunday night I went to Denton to Celebrate the 4th with some friends. We went out to Nik and Carrie’s place out in the boonies and we set off a plethora of fireworks. Nik always buys the really big nice fireworks and apparently all of his neighbors also spend a weeks pay on fireworks because once again we had 360 degrees of fireworks to watch all night long.

We also had all the required American fare that is mandatory for a July 4th celebration. Cherry, peach, and apple cobbler, homemade vanilla ice cream, dirt cake, brisket, baked beans, Parker House rolls, spinach dip, coleslaw, potato salad… the list goes on and on. I personally ate enough food that had I sent the same quantity that I consumed to Africa I could have saved them and probably the rest of the world from hunger for at least a week. The whole “Live 8” concert would have been a moot point, but alas, I ate all of the food myself because I am big and selfish and I didn’t have a way to get the food over to Africa anyway.

Monday I spent the day with my parents out on the lake. We started the day with breakfast at Old West in Sanger. I had the sourdough toast topped with hashbrowns, scrambled eggs and sausage gravy. I also had a side of bacon with that.

My Dad the Buoy Hugger

Then we went to the lake for about 5 hours and swam for a while. My dad got out in the water and swam over to one of those large buoy’s that say, “No Wake” on them and he started climbing on it and he had both his arms and feet wrapped around it and it was so funny.

My dad is 70 and so you just had to be there to fully get the visual but he was straddling thing and it was rocking and spinning and he could barely hang on and so he said, “Eddie, come over here and push the other side!”

You see this thing is counter-balanced on the bottom with a big floating weight that holds it in place. Along with a huge rope that is covered in enough seaweed moss stuff that I could have opened a spa and given fifty ladies a full body seaweed moss wrap. So I am pushing on the other end and so now my dad is sticking straight up in the air still bear hugging this huge buoy and then I finally give up because I keep slipping all over the mossy stuff. I laughed and laughed at him. He is really so much fun and at 70 he is still like a big kid.

Later we went to Rudy’s for a bbq lunch and then out to the new Cabela’s in Ft. Worth to do some shopping for fishing nets and other sundry fishing items. That place is HUGE and if you are an outdoors enthusiast then this place is your Mecca.

Then to top off Eat Fest 2005 I went back to Cody Miller’s house last night and we GORGE some more on hot dogs and homemade queso and fresh salsa. I made the queso and I must admit it was quite good.

So guess what today is… Time to start back on the South Beach Diet.

Let Freedom Ring.

Mall Moxie

I think I’ve lost it! Ugh.

I used to could just walk into a mall, find what I was looking for, purchase it and then leave satisfied knowing that I just “owned” that mall and destroyed it with my unheard of male mall moxie.

I went to the mall today and tried on no less that 15 shirts. My arms are big and so are my shoulders, no brag just fact. My waste is getting smaller and that means that I need shirts that are tapered or else the shirts are all billowy around the waste and when you have worked hard to lose said waist then the last thing you want is voluminous amounts of materials draping around your midsection.

Then while in Collin Creek Mall I could NOT FIND THE BATHROOM! I am serious. I actually went to the mall directory thing and found the little restroom sign and still couldn’t find it. Livid I went back into Foley’s and asked them if they had a bathroom and I finally got to use it. Note to self, do not drink a 44 oz glass of water before you go to the mall to try on 15 shirts.

As I was leaving the mall I would have bet my left you know what on the fact that I had entered through Foley’s. I came out of Foley’s and looked EVERYWHERE for my truck. After multiple attempts to find it I started to panic. I almost called 911 when I remembered that the doors that I entered through didn’t look like Foley’s doors, they were much smaller and less trendy. I had entered through Mervyn’s! I don’t even like Mervyn’s how was that possible?

Thanking the Lord above that I didn’t call 911 and subsequently look like a stupid fool I hopped in my truck and realized that someone has apparently stolen my Mall Moxie much like Fat Bstrd stole Austin Powers’ Mojo.

Have I crossed a point of no return? Have I swam in this pool of bachelorhood for so long that there is no going back to the safety of the metrosexual shores?

I used to love going to the mall and shopping. What is happening to me!? What pray tell is happening to me!!!!! (eddo falls on his knees looks to the sky while the sky darkens, rain falls, and thunder and lightning stike. and… scene.)