Category: I’m Just Sayin

For some reason this is the first year that I realized how much Santa is like Jesus… and I don’t mean that in a good way.

Santa brings us presents, but Jesus brought us the ultimate gift.

Santa has a list and he’s checking it twice… so does Jesus.

Many people don’t believe in Jesus or Santa Claus, but every year I see more Santa’s and Snowmen than nativity scenes, angels and mangers.

I know that the Catholic church is partly responsible for merging our holidays with the pagan holiday and that Father Christmas and the Winter Solstice have sort of been combined and now we have this hodge podge of a celebration that should be wholly focused on Christ and instead Santa is stealing all of Christ’s show.

For me, I try to make sure that Jesus is the focus of my holidays and that spending time with family and friends is more important than getting nice expensive gifts and I’m trying to remove Santa wherever I can and remind kids that Jesus is the reason for the season.

“For $500 what do Keggers. Sex. Drugs. Alcohol. Swear Words have in common?”

“All things Eddie jokes about but shouldn’t Pat”

“Correct!”

Recently a friend of mine called me and said, “I don’t know how to word this, but all your status updates on Facebook seem worldly.”

“Wha? Moi?”

The fact of the matter is that a while back I read John Eldridge’s book, “Wild at Heart” and he talked about being a man and how I shouldn’t feel the need to be some kind and soft man who just goes through life trying to please everyone. I took that to heart – fully.

My whole life has been nothing be a series of sugary sweetness, layered with sweet juju bees and sweet berry sprinkles on top. I have always been the epitome of “SWEET” and I was tired of it. I decided to kick my sugar habit and start being a little bit sour. I wanted to be more of who I really was and to not always be projecting this image of perfection.

This was good for me because: A. I’m not perfect and B. I needed to be more real. I feel like some Christians are a lot of talk and very little action and I didn’t want any part of that. And besides, while there are a myriad of scriptures about being nice and sweet and turning the other cheek, I decided that I could still do all of those things and be a little sour at the same time.

Here is where the creation of the new Eddie began. I desperately tried to recreate the image of myself while still maintaining my righteousness at the core. I think I succeeded, maybe too well. I realize that some of my closest friends might know that I am joking when I talk about smoking copious bags of weed and doing Keg Stands, but what about acquaintances or people who just happen along and read this blog? Is joking about those things really glorifying to God? Is there a way for me to be funny without the need to use “Shock” humor?

A quick inventory of my life often reveals too much about myself that I’d like to change and when I’m overwhelmed with a situation I can’t handle I don’t tackle it head on, instead I ignore it and hope that somehow it just resolves itself. Or at least that is how I used to go about huge obstacles. Now I try to see how I can micro-manage the problem and break it down in little bits and eventually resolve the issue over a long period of time.

But enough about that and back to the Gut check…

The thing is that lately my spiritual life has improved immensely. I’m reading my Bible almost daily and I’m loving it. But… I still have a hundred little areas marked on my report card with an “N” – Needs Improvement.

What I am happy about is that my friend actually had the courage to bring this area of my life to my attention. I was only marginally aware of the fact that my posts were becoming less and less Christian and I was quickly succumbing to the pull of popularity instead of trudging down the path of integrity.

So my apologies to you if I have led you astray with some of my inane ramblings. Know that my heart belongs to Jesus 100% and I seek only to glorify him. I may still fail, but that is my ultimate goal.

In His Grip,

Eddie Renz

I’m stuck on PAUSE.

For the last two years I’ve noticed a steep decline in my number of close friends. Or perhaps I finally just shed the people that I felt were holding me back or just plain using me? I’m not sure. What I do know is that I use to have a constantly full social calendar and now I rarely go or do anything.

I know part of it is that I’m no longer involved in a church group Bible Study or actively involved in church for that matter. Why? Because friends and relationships take time and they are an investment and I just don’t feel like investing in any new friends lately. I like the ones I already have, I just wish they weren’t so far away.

My closest friends don’t live in state. They are literally spread out across the globe, sprinkled about haphazardly like a spilled box of hot tamales.

When i think of making new friends, close friends near by I’m reminded of so many recent friendships that went no where and in the end I didn’t even want to be friends with those people any more.It’s frightening because with the number of friends that I have pushed away I am starting to realize that the problem is not with them – it’s with me.

What I have done is created this world of comfort for myself where I only have to rely on me. No one can let me down. No one can get close. There is no one to disappoint me.

Perhaps my expectations are too high on my friends and on myself.  I expect so much from friends because I feel like I give a great deal, but maybe I don’t? Maybe it only seems like a great deal because I am selfish?

If you looked at my life now and you looked at it 8 moths ago it would look exactly the same. I’m the same weight. I have not made any progress financially, physically, spiritually, or emotionally. I’m not dying, but I’m not thriving either. My life is literally on pause.

I like to think that I am going somewhere with my life in the near future. I keep waiting for something to happen to change up my circumstances but nothing does. Each day I am tempted to just throw in the towel, put my house up for sale and move away to Hawaii or some remote island and live off the beach like Tom Hanks in Castaway.

It would not be that hard of a transition. I often feel like I am on some island, or worse, floating adrift on some raft that is moving further and further away from society and despite my flailing attempts to grab on to life, I’m sucked away by the undertow of my own failures.

I don’t think I am being melodramatic, nor am I feeling sorry for myself. I’m just stating the facts in a miserable attempt to once again inspire myself to peel myself off of the floor and try once again to start moving forward.

For a while there I was going through a phase where I was talking a bunch. I was doing contract computer work at a nursing home with these women who loved to complain about everything and you can really get swept up in a whirlwind of whining.

Then I had a few normal life issues come along and the road got bumpy and I wanted to belly-ache some more and so I did. I used this website and Facebook and phone calls to friends and my mom and I griped and complained.

Now, I’m in a SHUT UP phase. If I haven’t called you in a while it’s because I don’t have anything good to say and you know that saying about not saying anything at all… so I’m not. I’m just keeping my mouth shut tight and listening more and trying to be positive.

My nature is to vent my frustration, but what of it? Does venting really help or does it merely fan the flames of discontent?

Sometimes I have legitimate problems that stress me out, but I am constantly finding more positive ways to deal with those problems. Instead of complaining, I read a book, or a go to the gym or I watch a Bible Study DVD. I’m learning to cope with silence, with being alone, with understanding the blessed peace and serenity in the small things in life and when I need to vent, I need to find ways to go about it that are constructive instead of just grumbling.

Love and Hugs to my readers.

Eddo