Yesterday was the first time I willingly gave blood. They were taking it here at work, large pints of it in skin colored bags and in trade I got a t-shirt, a mixed berry juice drink and package of Nutter Butters. Nutter Butters are only second to the Oreo on the “Best Cookies to dunk in milk” list. I actually only gave blood because I saw these tempting snacks and since I’ve been eating so healthy I needed an excuse to binge even if it was only for a moment.
Giving blood is not painless, oh no, do not let anyone tell you that. I am not here to discourage blood donation but I’m also not here to make you feel all warm and cozy by telling you lies. First of all they take this strap and twist it around your arm really fast and painful without any warning. I yelled out, “MOSES!” because I thought if he could get the Hebrews through the desert then he could possibly get me through this miserable experience. Then came the needle prick that was “going to sting for a moment”. Well, sting it did and then the blood wouldn’t come out and so they kept poking it around in my arm – MOTHER F&%#@ it hurt. It still hurts. I told them I was ready to stop trying and they said, “Well, we can try the other arm?” I acquiesced and stuck out my left arm. This time the blood was more forthcoming, the needle went in easier and in 5 minutes I had given them enough blood to satiate a vampire for at least a few hours.
The thing of it is, I’ve thought about taking steroids on occasion and this experience has led me to believe that nothing is worth sticking needles into my body – not even the blissful high of heroine – which I hear is so addictive that people will shoot it up in their eyeballs and between their toes. I’ll put a really large HEEEEEELLLL TO THE NO on that.
So after that painful experience I had to visit a customer’s house last night and help them with a wireless router configuration and software install. I got an email telling me to come a little later because “we are enjoying a really intense soccer game.” I arrived at the house and was greeted by an energetic golden retriever and a Scottish terrier. I was given a diet coke and showed to the computer upstairs. My customer was very sweet and we talked about House, American Idol and Grey’s Anatomy while I worked my computer magic. Eventually the kids came home as they were with their dad watching a little bit of the girls soccer game. The kids talked with their mom and I was amazed at how she was able to look through financial data and discuss homework, soccer, and email with her son. Dad came home and introduced himself and when it was time for me to leave the entire family was in the living room talking – without the television. You could tell they were a close family and very content. What is my point of telling you all of this? Well, my point is that there are families out there where the kids play soccer and the parents go and watch and want to watch, where there is money to pay the bills and where dad and mom are both involved in their children’s lives. Every day I see it more and more and I’m actually surprised by it. I think that so often people don’t strive for that type of home life because they don’t know it exists. Children who have been born into homes where there isn’t enough money to pay the bills or to put food on the table don’t know that there really are some people who have this blissful life where mom and dad love each other and they don’t get divorced, they want to come to your soccer games and spending time with you is a blessing not a chore. I hope to have this some day. To create a home life for my family that is so blissfully happy that they never know the pain of divorce or financial struggles. Where dad is at home instead of working hard to make ends meet and that they always know that no matter what they come second only to God and their mother.
Fairy Tales may not really come true for some people… but I plan on making them come true for me.
Katie said…
Ben said…
Now I live in Minnesota don’t cha know
That’s my week attempt at rapping..
I can’t rap so I won’t try…
I can’t shake my “Monkey” Maker either.
Eddo said…
captain S.o.S. said…
Yo my ass broke up Jen and Brad
Angelina thanks me all the time
by rubbin my steele behind
yo… I dont mind
N
B
C wants to give me my own show
trottin my ass all around the globe
see my butt has its own camera crew
while there is doors yours still cant fit through
I know you just want ass like the cap’n
without lunges that just aint gonna happen
I had yesterday in da bag
the phones ringin?
yo its Jenny Craig
Joe & Julie said…
jes said…
Ben said…
Katie said…
steve said…
Eddo said…
Sha, Sha booya, Sha,Sha Shabooya Roll Call.
My name is Eddie (Yeah)
I shake my Monkey Maker(Yeah)
Start Cheerin (Yeah)
Don’t be a Hater (Yeah)
Sha, Sha booya, Sha,Sha Shabooya Roll Call… who’s next?
CAPTAIN S.O.S. said…
yo Whitey what dat all about
Im the one wit triumphant rump
that gets more rent den Donald Trump
My haunches border on the obscene
girl go read your Tiger Beat magazine
Dis between me and Jabba da Butt
my lightnin wit you just cant shut up
“Jabba da Butt”? that made ME laugh
So much I have a heart attack
Eddo said…
Cookie723 said…
Well, so have I after another round of these hilarious raps…I don’t know about anyone else but is anyone else actually reading, excuse me, RAPPING these aloud? I am, hence the tears from laughter.
Eddo said…
When you start dissin’ Eddo
You better pack a lunch
Cause it’s gonna be a really long day
Better ask your mommy if you can go out and play
Yo stories are cheap and so are your tricks
When it comes to my body
I’m stacked like bricks
Banging booty, abs and chest
In this competition I am the best
NBC has sold you out
That show is a joke
Like your butt – No Doubt
So take your butt and your camera crew
Cause Captain Crunch I am through with you.
Cookie723 said…
Katie said…
CAPTAIN S.O.S. said…
rump, seat , rear, posterier
double bubble, cheeks, da big butter
yeah I even call it my turd cutter
mexican trash compactor
Im the Butt X-Factor
Eddo you just so whack
heres a dingleberry from my crack
Eddo said…
that gets more rent den Donald Trump
My haunches border on the obscene
girl go read your Tiger Beat magazine”
Man, that one kills… KILLZZZZZZ!!!
Katie said…
Im the Butt X-Factor
OH MY WORD.
Eddo said…
Yo dirty butt is hanging loose
You need to wash it along with yo mouth
Cause brotha it be stinkin up Eddo’s house
Cracker, Lacker, Slacker, Wack
SOS you have been smoking crack
Dingleberry? SOS please!
My rhymes got you beggin
On your knees.
You wish I’d stop, but I keep bringin the cheddar
Yo rhymes is good
My mines is betta!
Heather said…
CAPTAIN S.O.S. said…
I am the life of this party
I put the “SHOW” in da “Biz”
I am the Brie and you da cheese whiz
You be Processed and I am Fresh
Bustin you like Elliot Ness
Word
Cookie723 said…
Eddo said…
You constipate even Hercules
Party Pooper is your real name
You’ve got no style, you have no game
You need to realize what you are up against
This ain’t no joke, I came to reprezent!
I am tired of you, you big Chester Cheetah
Take yourself home and don’t forget your Velveeta…
Yeah, that’s what I’m talkin’ bout!
steve said…
CAPTAIN S.O.S. said…
all the black girls scream
“LOOK AT DAT BADOOKADUNK!!”
Eddo jes think he be neat
trying ta talk like he from da street
But I be the dude so pretty
Got more street then a city
Eddo just look what you started
Man you be so Gaytarded
Ben said…
You guys are too funny.
MsThang said…
MsThang said…
Eddo said…
SOS you is a giant turd
No black girls be hollerin at you
You dreamin boy, you dumb o’l fool
Ladies love me, Their mommas too
So don’t hate on me or they’ll hate on you
You’ve got no street, you’ve got no road
You’ve got no princess you big ol’ toad
You aint so pretty, you ain’t so sharp
Moses should have left you back on the Ark
The animals he brought in by twosies
Thank God he only bought one of yousies
You are nothing but an ugly Yetti
Why you messin’ with Gorgeous Eddie?
Eddo said…
CAPTAIN S.O.S. said…
ones and twosies!!
one of yousies!!!
Im crying
CAPTAIN S.O.S. said…
Yo eddo cant rap fo’ shizzle
actin like a lil b’nizzle
Trys to get all da girls ta Holla
but has to slip dem all 20 dolla
Eddo you rap white as heck
with dat Barry Manilow screamin’
out of your TAPE DECK!
Snoop always calls to see what be happnin
Im like “yo doggy dogg whats crackalackin?”
You think that you be booty shakin
you about as black as idol Clay Akin
I own this little rap game
my flava so crazy its insane
Princess Steph said…
CAPTAIN S.O.S. said…
Eddo said…
I tire of hearin his big lips blabber
He is white than Snap, Crackle, and Pop
His mouf keep runnin and it just won’t stop.
Talkin’ snoop, he means SNOOPY
This Charlie Brown ain’t got nothin on me.
He’s knows all the whiteys, Kelly Clarkson and Pink.
He dances to Whitesnake at the skating rink.
S.O.S means Sloppy Ol’ Steve
He can’t fool us, he can’t decieve
Pimple, Pimple, Cocoa Puff
Steve me boy, I have called your bluff.
MsThang said…
CAPTAIN S.O.S. said…
yo bro you still will always be fatter
thats with an “F” not a “PH”
you have to buy the gallon size preperation H
The only time that you are quicker
is in da bedroom with your dollar fifty stripper
OMW I cant believe I went there
have I also mentioned I still have ALL my hair?
I think that we could go at this all day
neither of us will ever back away
Your butt is big that fact is simple
You are so big you gots back-dimples
How can I beat da skating rink?
that was so funny I gots ta think
MsThang said…
Heather said…
LMAO!!!!
CAPTAIN S.O.S. said…
No offense my dear Boy Eddo
I have found I cant stop rhymin
stair master Eddo should be climbin
All is said in Jest
I still love Eddo he’s the best
I think we be quick as one another
and thank God we are leavin out our Mothers
😉
MsThang said…
Eddo said…
I have to stop. I can bear no more.
Thanks everyone for the fun. I hope you all enjoyed this Great Butt Rap Off 2005!!! AL-READY!!!!
Joe & Julie said…
Katie said…
Uhhh Eddie Capt SOS might know a little bit about Clay Aiken, I’m pretty sure that in his CD collection
I’m not getting in the middle of this one, SOS can call me out all he wants, I know that you two are way out of my league (or maybe it’s the other way around, hmmmm . . . . . )
MsThang said…
CAPTAIN S.O.S. said…
I call it a tie Eddo!
Eddo said…
Congrats GBR!
MsThang said…
(raises up hand)
Talk to the palm because I am da bomb!
Katie said…
Stalking would be lurking on your site for days on end . . . .
jes said…
Amstaff Mom said…
Eddo said…
Katie said…
CAPTAIN S.O.S. said…
While Eddo still stuck on the crapper
Now go figure
thats just his luck
Stuck to his ass like a suction cup
Enough of my pitter-patter
Get back to your twinkie platter
Im the best
sound the alarm
I got great ass like a donkey farm
Thats just how I roll
An ass highway paved in Gold
I am the man
A white-ass Villian
With my butt raps Im thrillin
Thanks for puttin up with my ego
I know you hate to see me go
so grab some change
bounce quarters off my assa
Bet they fly higher than NASA
Peace!!
CAPTAIN S.O.S. said…
Katie said…
I swear the two of you share the same mind, if not the same butt
jes said…
Minding my biz
When I guy said “hello” and as I passed, “Damn, y’all!”
He stopped, but I kept goin’
His jaw was dropped tho I didn’t start slowin;
Cause I knew he was staring
And in his mind comparing
My sweet, juicy peach
To Captain’s hind-end leech
Sucked, Withered, Shriveled away
NBC is planning a special on his lack of display
He and Eddo are rappin
People are clappin
They have yet to turn around
And show their arse – the burial ground
CAPTAIN S.O.S. said…
When yo rappin skills (with an “s”) are lame?
Cause I gots da skillZ
dat come with da “Z”
we all know you really LOVE Andy
MTV called they got letters dat you write
Saying you think Andy is SO tight
He makes you all hot
And he makes you dream
of Milonakis doused in Whipping cream
You say Just say JES I say Just say no
You should try some straightner for your “fro”
I know that you be cute
In That Tiara dat sparkle
Only Texans call ROshambo gay-ass FARKLE
So go write another letter to dear “Mary”
Oh my gosh you come across so mean and scary
You told her
with yo yelling and yo screaming
“Juicey Peach”?? you are dreamin
Heather said…
jes said…
While Eddo’s confronting
Somethin’ bout cheddar, somethin’ bout soufflé
Please, mama! Get them each a cafeteria tray!
They’re hungry, they’re stuffing
They’re huffing and puffing
Trying to mimic my glutes
They ought to just forget it,
And get a couple of bus routes.
I walk by, all the guys cry
Cause my back is sweet like apple pie
Put me in water
And I’ll float like William Bligh
Cap’ns confused,
He needs to be rescued
From these hallucinations.
He couldn’t even be saved
By the Bush Administration.
He thinks he’s got Skills with a Z
He must have been told dat my the A.A.R.P.
Come to think of it, that must be why
His sounds is inferior, like MCI.
Katie said…
jes said…
Eddo said…
That rap so lame it was like a fart
It stunk up the air, it stunk up the room
I had to sweep it off the floor with a broom!
I know you want to shake your lump
You think men get love drunk on your hump
But girl that thing is a little ol’ bump
You need to ghetto-size that rump!
You can’t hang with us big boys so please don’t try
We’ll send you packin, we’ll make you cry…
jes said…
My big ghetto bootie – a size 14.
It’s like a big shelf on my back
I make boys go wiggity-wiggity-wiggity-WHACK!
I have no problems shaking my rump
But YOU need to get help from a hydraulic pump.
I hear yo’ words about that fart,
But smellin yours earned me the purple heart.
I see ya clutchin and trying to hang on
But my skillz are recorded in the Gospel of John
So honey don’t ya start trippin’
Unless ya WANT TO GET A WHIPPIN.
Katie said…
jes said…
Katie said…
Fragrant Vagina Mist
Sweetspot Labs PH balanced spray for a healthier and balanced vagina
Enough said.
Heather said…
Eddo said…
“But my skillz are recorded in the Gospel of John”
Too bad I am going to have to slam it right back at ya…
Eddo said…
Butt so big people yell Choo Choo!
They thought it was a train
It had them trippin’
That butt’s so big
Why aren’t those pants rippin?
Shimmy Shimmy in your jeans
That butt is bangin people scream
They scream in terror they scream in fright
Girl that but has been super-sized.
I was wrong I must confess
Jes you win the big butt contest…
When people pass they’ll say “Dear Lord!,
Look at that girls butt – IT’S A BIG BILLBOARD!”
CAPTAIN S.O.S. said…
CAPTAIN S.O.S. said…
“two for the bass”
“Jes’s ass fills up this place!”
She rolls! From here to there
not a juicy peach but a big ass pear
The Gospel of John
Girl thinks that she has sass
Girl you are the book of DaLARDYASS
This is a game only for da boys
You aint digital your poliroid
is that a chair?
Stuck to your rear-end?
I gots more power than Superfriends
I gots da wonder I gots da Super
I have the worlds most powerful pooper
Im leavin Eddo out
Im the verbal master
when you walk in rooms you crack plaster
Katie said…
jes said…
My bootie is ghetto, and that’s a fact
But it hasn’t violated the respiratory tract.
Too bad no one can say the same
About your bootie’s claim to fame
Ya see, Eddo and his MONSTROUS rear
Suffocate the room, causing death so severe.
He walks in and people can’t breathe
His ass is bigger than JLo’s on-screen.
He can’t even shop at the big and tall
He has to sew his clothes after the curtain call
When enough cloth drops down to cover one cheek
Better watch out – he may spring a leak
Cause his ass is bigger than a mountain peak.
S. – O. – S.
Is scrambling, trying to find a way
Hastily, swiftly, that is to say
He’s on his way out, his raps are a mess
He has yet to slam me with success.
He said something about a Polaroid.
He sounds more like he’s unemployed.
And boy, can’t you spell?
A-ring-a-ding-ling: that’s the warning bell.
You’re bragging about your world’s most powerful pooper
Your mother must have been quite a trooper
I, for one, won’t discuss my bowel movements
Though it looks like you keep a list of your accruements
We know you say you’re a cutter
But it’s probably more like a sputter
So we’ll leave you with your diarrhea.
Smuggled across the Canadian border
in a mammoth tortilla.
Cookie723 said…
Yikers! (Way to go, Jes!!)
Amstaff Mom said…
only getting better with time
yep, that’s the extent of my rhyme.
Seriously, I’m dying over here.
Eddo said…
Jes, Please! I am bout to destroy you!!!
CAPTAIN S.O.S. said…
Spiggy spat yippy dippy doo
big butter butt I dump on you
When you order food
Its a quadruple order
Crack-smoker? Tortillas from the canadian border?
Yo what? Yo HUH? GET YOU GAME ON??
triple dipple super ass
bigger than a barge
My ass is priceless like Mastercard
3 days of rappin
the cap’n is da man!
I am gonna whoop your ass at Settlers of Catan!
Yo yiggy yep dont talk about my mother
You from down in Texas are you married to your brother?
You drive a pinto me I drive da Lexus
i look at you and realize ALL things are big in Texas
Anonymous said…
Eddo said…
Oh, it was just the sun being blocked by Jessica’s Hips!
Lumber, Lumber, Lumber Jack-
I almost mistook that thing for a cadillac!
Planet Earth can’t take much more
Jes’ but is such an eyesore
Uranus look out, here comes your equal
It’s gonna be big and it already had a sequel…
“Giganto Butt” it’s a number one hit
Too bad that butt is all counterfeit.
Jes we are on to you and your big ol’ butt
We know why you have to strut
You got two big hams stuffed down your pants
Butt so full you can barely dance
You wish so bad you had the mega booty
But all you got is a tiny fruity
No Georgia Peach, more like a cherry
The other day someone called it a cranberry
Your but girl is a Pirates Dream
Sunken Booty if you know what I mean
You better take your butt doctor back to court
And sue that man for more butt support
Cause those implants you got, must have come from the black market
It’s time you take your butt home.. And park it!
Eddo said…
jes said…
He couldn’t figure it out if he was the Miracle Man
He makes up words, thinkin they rhyme.
Good thing I got here in the nick of time.
You got Texas confused with Arkansas
You better step back – better yet, withdraw.
I’m from Seattle, straight from the hood
And I’ll pop a cap if I’m misunderstood.
You think the Northwest is where it’s at.
You forget all those hills make your ass real flat
You better drive that Lexus up to the store
And pick up some Miracle Gro to sprinkle on yur back door.
CAPTAIN S.O.S. said…
Sunken Booty if you know what I mean
YES!!! thats a good one!!
CAPTAIN S.O.S. said…
VANILLA ICE STYLE!!!!
Large Large Baby, Large Large Baby
All right stop, put down yo Donuts and listen
Cap’ns back With another round of Dissin’
Something bout yo ass is frightnin’
Harpoon you like a whale daily and nightly
Will it ever stop Growin? Yo – I don’t know
You like a cosby character wid dat afro
To the extreme I rock an ass like a King
Light up your life Like Debbie Boone use ta sing
Dance, you make the floor go CRUNCH!!
Your killing yourself wid dat twelve course lunch
Deadly, when I rap a dope melody
yo there Jes I know that yo just jealous of me
Love it or leave it, You better gain way
Your ass is the bull’s eye, every single day
if cookies where a problem, Yo, Jes would eat it
Check out Jenny Craig yo girl you need it
LARGE LARGE BABY!! LARGE LARGE BABY!!
YOU SO LARGE LARGE BABY!! LARGE LARGE BABY!!
Now that the party is jumping
Jes broke the floor with that ass she is thumpin
Im quick to the point to the point no faking
Jes is cookie up twelve pounds of Bacon
Eating them with links of pig
Damn you ever seen a girl so big?
Rollin’ she’s a size 46.0
Rag top down so the Lard can flow
McDonalds on standby, Burgers stacked a mile high
Did she stop? Yes- she stops every time
if cookies where a problem, Yo, Jes would eat it
Check out Jenny Craig yo girl you need it
LARGE LARGE BABY!! LARGE LARGE BABY!!
YOU SO LARGE LARGE BABY!! LARGE LARGE BABY!!
jes said…
You have me laughing.
Now I may have to send you packing
A Cadillac? Please.
You’d better get on your knees
And beg for mercy before this gets old
I’m going to pin you in a wrestling hold
One, two buckle my shoe
Three, four, I’m startin to feel sorry for…
Damn! Boy, you can’t even bend over
Maybe you can get some help from your dog Rover.
That is, if you don’t smother him first
With your three-hundred thirty pounds
Poor dog looks like he’s about to burst.
Maybe you should just get a crane
Hook yourself up to a big jet plane.
It can try to fly, you can be the anchor.
Your weight will pull it down
Like a damaged oil tanker.
You think I have implants?
What about you and them stretch pants?
You’ve done broken the zipper
Torn the seam, like Jack the Ripper
Don your black sheet, it’s okay.
Your ass is just wasting away
I heard the government’s making plans
To send you off with Peter Pan
So you can eat imaginary food
And drop some weight
Cause that crane couldn’t even lift you in a crate!
Forget the tanker, the anchor, the plane
Your ass has got you like a ball and chain.
Eddo said…
Now I guess I have to get dirty… and shut ya’ll down for good.
CAPTAIN S.O.S. said…
jes said…
He used to have it poppin
Like some fireworks on Fourth of July
He ought to just say Bye-Bye-Bye.
Rag top down so the Lard can flow?
What about that do you know?
Obviously, a lot.
Your butt is as wide as a 120 foot yacht.
Out in the country, up in Oregon
Year round you go for a ski run
Not on snow, not on ice
You ski on the fat of pigs with lice
Your head is itchy
Your arms are fat
Your eyes are beady
Like a chinchilla rat
Hold on, beware: he’s like the bubonic plague
The grease is rollin and drippin down his leg
Cap’n should just enroll in Weight Watchers
Maybe he’d peel off some pounds
Meet the girl of his dreams
She’ll be there too, slathered in cold cream
Eddo said…
Your arms are fat
Your eyes are beady
Like a chinchilla rat
OMW!
jes said…
Eddo said…
She spoons it up and says, “Seconds Please!!”
Butt so big she needs a body wrap
Sweatin like a mummy… what’s up with that?
She loves the gravy, she loves the taters
Her closest friends are all restaurant waiters!
She has to call the fire department to take a bath
She’s 120X32342 you do the math
Eddo said…
Cookie723 said…
Queen Boo-tay said…
Queen, Queen, Boo-tay,
Queen Queen Boo-tay
All right stop, back yo ass up and listen
Between Capt and Ed, there’s somethin missin
You fools been trying to rap all tightly
But yo butts are givin gals scares all nightly
Will it ever stop? Yo – I don’t know
Take a step back and I’ll give you a show
To the extreme I rock my ass like a scandal
Even with two hands you’ll never get a handle
Drop, my butt hits floors with a boom
A globe so big it even blocks out the full moon
Deadly, my ass if nice and meaty
Anything less than this is cheaty
Love it or leave it, you gotta respect
Your butts look like they just part of yo neck
If there is an ass brass, yo I got it
Check out my hook, while my girl Jes revolves it
Queen, Queen, Boo-tay,
You like my Queen Queen Boo-tay
Queen, Queen, Boo-tay,
You like my Queen Queen Boo-tay
I got some big chunk in this trunkin
The junk you got is seriously bunkin
Short on the hiney, yo boys you be fakin
Stuffin with charmin a booty you makin
Softy those asses are made of paper
You ain’t doin your butt any favors
Pancakes are what I see back there
Flat and smooth covered up with back hair
Bangin with my 10.0
Butt so good you never seen it’s twin-o
The boysies all hangin round hope’n catch a fly-by
Did you stop? No – I just shook it high
Wishin and cryin they want some of it
But their own butts be jealous I got so much sh*t
Yo – so I continued to a1a got-ass ave.
Eddo yo ass ain’t nothing like Arnuld
You might be big but your butt be carnal
Bangin and bumpin you tryin too hard
Think nothin of being a big ol gaytard
Captain you think you got all the skillz
sorry my brother you nothin but illz
Little and puney your butts got to go
Ain’t nothing to brag about that is fo sho
Ladies are naturally gifted in the rear
We pack it right were you boys like to jeer
Bumper to bumper you just can’t compare
Check out your backside and there’s nothing but air
Sorry to say, you know what I mean
Us girlies have the cheeks that cause all the scenes
We got it ridin all up in our caboose
Capt’s backend’s so empty even pleather be too loose
If there is an ass brass, yo I got it
Check out my hook, while my girl Jes revolves it
Queen, Queen, Boo-tay,
You like my Queen Queen Boo-tay
Queen, Queen, Boo-tay,
You like my Queen Queen Boo-tay
jes said…
Captain S.O.S. said…
jes said…
CAPTAIN S.O.S. said…
Katie said…
jes said…
sos, can you rap queen bootay’s also?
Katie said…
CAPTAIN S.O.S. said…
Eddo said…
jes said…
CAPTAIN S.O.S. said…
Eddo said…
some silly freakin white guy said…
The Blog Patrol said…
And I bet that Freakin White guy is big ol Joe!
Queen Boo-tay said…
Sorry boys your butts are spam
Packaged and not real
We know you can’t match my skillz
I’m here to tell you now
My boo-tay goes ka-pow
Your poor white butts are breakin
My booty’s money makin
Eddo you got some soul
But your butt would scare a troll
Captain thinks he’s a rock star
Trouble is his ass ain’t even par
I’m checkin your end loaders
And boys you’re just getting older
So sorry I can’t stay
My big ol ass gets in the way
jes said…
CAPTAIN S.O.S. said…
Rhyme Molester
Sayin she da Queen
only in her dreams
I see that she is you
now the game is through
It aint Katie
cause she’s a lady
when you go outside
you creatin too much Shady
jes said…
It ain’t me that you’re shakin
I got a little story that you should know
Sit down, sit tight, and grab your cookie dough.
Here’s a little ditty that i’ll tell with glee:
When you assume, you make an ASS out of U and ME.
Queen Boo-tay said…
Glutes so big we get the blisters
Boys are lackin with their bottoms
Sorry boys but yours be trottin
Capt says lady not the Queen
Boy, my ass dun bust your spleen
Queen not gonna be a hater
But your pants need an inflator
Katie said…
Ha ha, I am a lady thank you very much Mr. SOS, oops I mean Captain SOS.
jes said…
INSULTED.
CAPTAIN S.O.S. said…
Sit down, sit tight, and grab your cookie dough.
Here’s a little ditty that i’ll tell with glee:
When you assume, you make an ASS out of U and ME.
OMW!! I would respond Jes but i just pee’s my pants
Queen Boo-tay said…
Ain’t nothing back there sure enough
Chitty Chitty on the bang
You ain’t got a shakin thang
Girls can groove like nothing other
Because our butts come from out mothers
Yea you heard me givin moms the props
She’s the reason I got such drops
Supercalifragilistic
Texas girls ain’t all just hicks
Some of us are mighting blessed
Those northern girls are second best
I’ve got love for all my guys
But I’m not given up the disguise
You boys are cool, you guys are tight
I don’t want to pick a fight
Don’t be angry don’t be mad
I’m hoping fun by all was had
CAPTAIN S.O.S. said…
The “L” stands for Lard
and the “A” it stands for ass
the “D” for Double-Bubble
welcome to school this is MY class
No I know you wonder
So I just wont make you guess
is the Captain the Butt-rap Master?
The “Y” it stand for YES!
CAPTAIN S.O.S. (Rap Champion and mASSter) said…
Cav said…
SOOOO FUNNY – WISH I WAS THERE FROM THE START TO GET IN ON THE DISSIN’…ERR I MEAN ACTION.
LOVE YOU GUYS.
Ben said…
MsThang said…
GO JES, and Queen Boo-tay (2 seperate people of course)
Eddo said…
Lava said…
Queen Boo-tay said…
But nobody knows her face
Secret character like a spy
Heck, this queen may be a guy
Oompa Loompa who’s that girl
Seems the queen has got some swirl
Some be callin sista Jes
But it’s not her I must confess
The girl’s got skills that don’t compare
But she don’t got my shiny hair
Maybe I am Mr. Eddo
Come sit next to me, you fine fellow
Big and tall with calves of steel
Queenie eddo would be surreal
Could it be Captain SOS
His rappin skills I don’t possess
He got close to the answer
But ended up lookin like a square dancer
Sorry Capt you were mistaken
Seems this lady knows her bacon
I’m a sweetheart, I’m a lady
Cause Queen Boo-tay is none other than Katie
jes said…
And pressin
Purely distressin
Cause KT’s confessin
Captain thought
she was a lady
Turns out
that KT’s kinda shady
She calls herself
The Queen Boo-tay
Her hair is as shiny
As a golden ray
She thinks she’s so witty
She thinks she’s so smart
She fooled the boys
With her crazy rapping art
She hipped, she hopped
The boys both dropped
Cap’n & Ed, you better scurry
Before KT and I
give you reason to worry!
Eddo said…
KT, that was priceless, keeping it a secret! You get sumo points for that.
Amstaff Mom said…
It was YOU!?!?! K-T!!!!!
*bows reverently to the great K-T.*
girl, you got it goin’ on!
Amstaff Mom said…
Katie said…
AM – Condewowsa – Had me rolling.
Katie said…
Amstaff Mom said…
Who knew dissertations and raps could come from the same person?
Katie said…
CAPTAIN S.O.S. said…
of a jaw dat hits da floor
the captains walkin out
jus headin fo da door
It nevahhh crossed my mind
KT was dis talker
I even thought that it might be
one of my many stalkers
Katie said…
Katie said…
MsThang said…
Amstaff Mom said…
Wool over eyes.