Category: Relationships

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I'm Just Sayin Relationships

I Love It and I Hate It

Things are going well in my life, but I’m alone too much. I wake up in the morning and think, “What will I do today?” Obviously that includes work and working out and some reading, but what else? Can I grab lunch with a friend? Dinner? If you add up a two hour lunch and a two hour dinner that still leaves twelve hours in the day. I work out for 2 of those hours, normally with friends, sometimes groups of people, but then I am still alone for 10 hours of the day.

I like alone time, but 6 days a week I find that I am trying to fill my days with more than just work, working out, and eating. However, I’m in the middle of reinventing myself both physically and professionally and so I don’t have the money or the time to start being overcommitted to other projects that don’t serve someone other than myself.

You see, that is the solution to my problem – getting out and helping others. But, sometimes that makes me more miserable than just sitting at home alone on my couch. I have to get out amongst the unwashed masses of society and get my hands dirty? Okay, maybe the people aren’t unwashed or in masses, but my hands, my CLEAN HANDS!!

Anywho, as soon as my clients start paying I’m going to book a shrink… I realize that is what shrinks are good for, you pay them to listen to you talk and once a week for 80 bucks you get to let go of every single mean, lustful, hateful, conceited, prideful, arrogant, humiliating thought that is constantly bouncing around in your head and they can’t tell anyone. It’s like going to a priest for confession, but better because it’s an hour long and then you leave an you without so much as a Hail Mary full of grace. Not that a good Hail Mary isn’t good every now and then…

So… here I am 33 and alone with so many friends that think I am just “So Fun!” and “Almost a Celebrity”, but who has reached a point in my life where I don’t want to go on living like this… or do I? I just don’t know. Maybe I’m in a transitional state that will just take some time to get used to. I mean, I am sitting on my couch working for hours on end and then I feel guilty for sitting at home. It’s weird. This house has become my home and my office and so I shouldn’t feel guilty about being here all day but after 33 years of working multiple jobs and being around people all the time then it’s hard to make this transition. I love it and I hate it.

And for those of you who would like to say, “Well, you really just need to get married and settle down” thanks for that little nugget of wisdom. Don’t think I haven’t tried and tried harder than you know since I only write about 60% of what really goes on in my life on this website. While I’m holding out for Mrs. Right I feel guilty for taking solace in the fact that many of my friends that got married when they were young are now getting divorced. I want to smugly say, “Well, I didn’t make that mistake!” But in reality I’m sad for them and for me because most of them are working on spouse number two while I’m still looking for number one.

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Relationships Stories

And Then I Spewed Word Vomit like an Over-Pressurized Fire Hose

My friend Jimmy is in town from China and I am staying with him and his parents for a couple of days. The problem with having a close friend so far away is that when we finally get together there is soooo much to talk about. Did we cover this in an email already? Not sure, so let’s rehash it again.

Jimmy and I have lived together, worked at 2 different companies together, travelled to China together, worked as High School leaders at Denton Bible Churh and were even in Evangelism Explosion together when we were in High School. It’s been a long journey that has forged a friendship that has become more like family.

Now that I live and work alone I seem to have all sorts of information that just sort of builds up in me that I don’t have time to share through an email. Imagine going weeks and months at a time without really having a meaningful conversation with anyone. It’s easy to do because people are busy and you don’t just go sharing your doubts and fears and dreams with just anyone. So when I get around my friends that I know really care about what I have to say then I tend to just blab word vomit all over them. It comes gushing out in projectile streams that I can’t control.I apologize later and just like real vomit I feel so much better when I get things out of my system.

It’s been a good visit hanging with Jimmy while he’s in town. I think it is interesting how sometimes distance can actually grow a friendship. It makes you stop and take a moment when they are in town and you don’t ever take them for granted. I have friends that live just an hour away and I rarely spend the weekend with them and so our time isn’t focused quality time.

So if I haven’t seen you in a while and you can’t shut me up, then consider it an honor cause it means I count you as a close friend. One I could vomit on and we’d still be friends later.

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Relationships Stories Technology

Sharing the Burden

A couple of weeks ago the server crashed at the nursing home where I do IT Consulting. I got a phone call while I was at the chiropractor that they had received a blue error screen and that none of them could log on to the computer. My heart sank.

A blue screen of death or BSOD in geek speak is never a good sign, but it is a VERY bad sign when that computer is your primary domain controller and without it the entire office is shut down. No internet, no logging on, no access to the database for payroll processing – nothing.

I worked 12 hours the first day trying to restore the server which was still using a 12 inch monitor circa 1995 and was housed in someone’s very busy office. Women kept streaming into the office checking on my progress, residents would poke their heads in and ask how I was doing, but I really needed them all to go away.

My college degreee is in Business Adminimistatrion but my background is in computers. I have an MCSE that I received in 1998 which is pretty much worthless now, but at the time was very valuable and it gave me the foundational understanding of computers and networking which I used to start my career in Information Technology.  An MCSE is a Microsoft Certified Systems Engineer and I paid $9000 and 6 months of my life to SMU to earn that piece of paper.

Day two at the Nursing home wasn’t much better and finally I had to call Microsoft and get them on the phone to help. The pressure was building since this was Wednesday and on Friday I had to be in Oklahoma for a wedding and payroll had to be done the very next day in order for all the staff of the Nursing Home to get paid.

I was starting to get a little panicky because I had figured out how to get part of the server back up and running, but I couldn’t get the rest fixed because I wasn’t the one to set the server up. I had no idea how it was configured and since I had been working at the nursing home my job had mostly been to fix the day-to-day activities and not to delve into the interworkings of the network.

At about 3pm one of the ladies from the home said she could call a friend who might be able to sit on the phone with Microsoft and help me out if I needed it. His name was Brian and he arrived at about 4:00 p.m. while I was in the middle of a call with Microsoft.  Brian sat next to me and I relayed to him what was happening briefly.  I had setup a remote control session with Microsoft on a partition of the server that had access to the broken portion of the server and while the guy on the phone was on the other side of the world, he was a computer genius. He literally edited the hexidecimal code in order to fix the broken server. People, if you ever get a blue screen of death on a server do not try to fix it on your own, just call Microsoft and these guys can fix it! It was amazing.

During that call I had this unbelievable sense of relief come over me long before the technician had repaired the computer. In Brian I had sensed competency and confidence. I felt like he was someone I could rely on if this problem got out of hand and it was like someone had pulled the plug on an over-inflated air mattress that was crammed into my head.

This revelation sort of floored me. I’ve been a loaner most of my life relying on myself to get things accomplished and never really felt like I had someone that I could count on in a pinch – especially in the realm of IT and Networking. Not only that, Brian and I just sort of seemed to click. We talked the same language and when the situation was resolved I felt like in different circumstances we would have become good friends.

It was in these moments of stress that I realized that this is why God created Eve. He saw that Adam needed a helper, not because Adam wasn’t competent and completely able to handle everything himself, but because sometimes it is just nice to share the burden with someone else. There is something amazing about human presence and how it affects us all.

So if you are dealing with something, don’t try to go it alone. Get help. Share that burden.

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Funny Relationships

Mr. and Mrs. Chanc Gomez – Upgrade 2009

“I’ve known Chanc since before he was even born and so I’ve seen him go through a lot of women…”

This is a shortened version of my impromptu toast that I made at my cousin Chanc’s wedding reception last night. The best men were his brothers but they are a little microphone shy so Chanc asked me to step in and give it a whirl. I had this great speech planned out where I was going to say that Chanc knew how to pick good girls and he had a good head on his shoulders and he was a great father, but instead I made him sound like some sort of womanizer that was finally settling down.

You should have seen everyone’s faces when I said, “I’ve seen him go through a lot of women”. For a moment there was stunned silence, a look of shock on Jen and Chanc’s faces, and then a roar of laughter. I was embarrassed, but it was all said in love and meant to be a compliment. Sometimes the best toasts are the ones where something inappropriate is said.

Another snafu that happened with me was during the ceremony before I was supposed to sing I started walking up to the stage too early. As a groomsman I was at the end of the row of guys and I thought the minister was looking at me and telling me to go up to the podium when in reality she was looking at something else entirely. I slunk right back to my spot and then when it was finally my turn to sing I went up and thankfully sang without any glitches.

My favorite part of the entire weekend was just getting to spend quality time with my family. I love getting to see Aunt Becky and all of the Gomez’s and Chanc and I have always been close, but it is rare that I get to spend the weekend with my two cousin’s Kidd and Tony and I really enjoyed getting to hang with them a bit. We danced the night away at the reception and just got stupid on the dance floor doing all sorts of dancing. Obviously the Gomez family inherited my dancing ability because all of them can dance – especially Tony, which was quite a surprise. All those boys are super talented in one way or another and I’m proud of them.

Another great thing about weddings is getting to hang out with the fellas. Chanc has some great friends and it was cool getting to know some of them and spending time with some that I already knew.

The weekend was a blast, weddings are always great and I’m very excited to have Jen as part of the family. Chanc definitely upgraded – cue Beyonce…. let me upgrade ya.

And on a fun wedding note, you MUST watch this video…

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I'm Just Sayin Relationships Stories

A Pathetic Outburst Followed By A Wave Of Clarity

On Friday I play racquetball with one of my buddies and I love it. It is the highlight of my week. After we had finished playing he asked me how I was doing spiritually and physically. “Not Good” I replied. He continued to probe and question and I kept giving him these reasons for my lack of focus and overall complacency and when we were finished talking I felt like a big toad.

Normally a good talk makes me feel better. You get some things off your chest and you breathe a big sigh of relief. That didn’t happen form me on Friday. Instead I kept replaying the conversation over and over in my head and I thought, “Wow, that was a load of crappy excuses. How pathetic!”

It was a pathetic outburst followed by a wave of clarity. It was as if voices all these inner complaints helped me to see them for what they were – whining and feeling sorry for myself.

I don’t like to admit this, but I find that sometimes showing weakness allows other people to relate to me better. Weakness makes us human and in our weakness we realize that we must rely on God.

So after this talk I resolved to stop making excuses and to start making some adjustments. If I can’t correct my problems immediately I can stop the self-sabotaging behaviors and the excuses which are nothing more than tools of the incompetent and I had quite a few in my toolbox.

As a leader I am someone that should be setting an example. Life is hard for all of us and when we overcome challenges, when we fight for what we want then that makes reaching those goals all the more pleasurable.

I recommend finding someone in your life that challenges you to do better, to be better, all the time. It’s not always easy to hear that you need to make improvements, but it’s nice to know that someone cares enough to say something and challenge you to be the best you can be.