Matt Chandler is so great at teaching SOS…
This is available on SongofSolomon.com
Category: Relationships
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The Past Never Goes Away
It’s 7:00 p.m. and we’ve arrived in Arlington at the University of Texas. My sister is about to graduate…
I remember my own college graduation as being anti-climactic. After 7 years of hard work and graduating without any student loans I felt as though there should have been a greater feeling of completion. We went to Good Eats after graduation and that was it.
My sister’s graduation was a little better. There were two parties planned leading up to her graduation and relatives came into town from Oklahoma to help celebrate.
When we walked into the auditorium my real dad was there standing by the aisle in a nice suit and tie. I was expecting to see him there, but I never really know exactly what to say when I am around him. He’s like a second cousin twice removed that looks like an older, shorter, rounder version of me.
I give him a hug and then move to the far end of the row to get me a seat. My step-dad sat in the row in front of me and we laughed and joked and talked and it seemed odd that after so many years that we are desperately close. We laugh at each others jokes and we have fun together, real fun like I have when I am with my buddies.
I looked down the long row and saw my real dad sitting down there next to some of my sister’s friends. I wanted to say something, but I didn’t know what to say.
The day before I had seen my real dad at a graduation luncheon. Once again I was at one end of a 35 person table and he was at the other. I was infinitely aware of the distance that separated us both literally and figuratively.
I distracted myself with conversation with my step-dad and a friend of the family Eliana. Eliana has a 1 year old boy who is beautiful and sweet. I held him tightly and pressed his cheeks against mine as he stood on my leg. His warm chubbiness felt like a small piece of forever was sitting their in my grasp and I never wanted to let him go.
I saw my real dad looking at me while I was holding Elijah. I wondered what he thought. I wondered if he had ever held me like this. If my cheeks had pressed to his and if so, had he felt that feeling that I was feeling at that moment? If he had, how could he have ever let me go?
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I know you are out there
I thought I was complete
I’d dotted my i’s and crossed my t’s
But before you, I was a run on sentence
An incomplete phrase, an unfinished book
A knight without a princess in a tower
A hero without anyone to save.
A frog that had never been kissed.
Before love came into my life
I was an empty glass waiting to be filled.
Perfectly complete, but somehow empty.
You are my silence when the world is yelling
My hope when all seems lost
My support when the ground is shifting
My warmth on a cold night
Until you I’d never known longing
True joy was just beyond my reach
It was as if I’d spent my life in a coma
And now suddenly I am awake… and I don’t ever want to go back to sleep.
I’m not sure if I posted on here about trying e-Harmony again in December of last year, but I did. Surprisingly I was matched with very few women and the ones I was matched with weren’t a match at all.
What is it about online dating services that makes me feel like I am bargain basement shopping? It’s like I have this selection of women served up before me that are last year’s models or returned items that someone else didn’t want. I know what you are thinking: Harsh Much! But it’s true.
I’ve been trying Match.com for a month now and it seems that everyone they are matching me with is divorced. When did people start getting divorced in their twenties?
I’m probably being too judgmental or even unrealistic cause I know there are some amazing divorced women out there, but I sort of want to be my wife’s first husband. When someone has already been married then I feel like “Hey, you already had your turn, let some the rest of us have a shot!”
Match.com gives me 5 new matches a day and most of the time I can look at their profile and tell if we would actually be a good match. I have talked to a couple of girls through email and I can’t help but be bored.
One girl said, “It’s torture for me to get to know someone through email.” And I wanted to respond back, “If that is the case, then you should give me a good reason to want to meet you in person. Be interesting. Be funny. Be witty. Charming. SOMETHING!” Snore.
I have a tendency to quickly write out a long email that gives insights into who I am and what I am looking for without coming right out and saying it. I ask important questions up front like, “Were you ever a dude?” and “Are you a Wiccan?” It’s important to get these questions out of the way at the beginning instead of finding out on the third or fourth date and you’ve already french kissed on the front steps of her lair.
I promise that I am not hardened or set in my ways, but the last 4-6 relationships, the girls I took out from e-Harmony, Wilbur Smith novels and the 33 years I have lived on this Earth have wizened me and enhanced my bullcraptometer. Online dating services allow people to put their best foot forward on an online profile but I think it also attracts people that fall into these categories:
- Desperate
- Shallow
- Married
- Divorced
- Perverts
- Crazies
- Hopeless Romantics
- Gold Diggers
I’m sure that makes me sound jaded, but I’m just drawing a conclusion based on my own personal experience and observation. But I also believe that in every field full of weeds you can find a beautiful wild flower… Somewhere in this great wide world there is a woman who will understand my heart and see me for who I am – flawed, but awesome. She’s out there somewhere and I plan to find her.
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Something is Up
The dream sequence started differently. I mean, I was there and then suddenly I was grabbed by this girl that I knew and she started kissing me. It caught me off gaurd and I fell down. She fell with me her tongue locked in my cheek and me wondering if she was going to cut me with her braces. Braces? She doesn’t have braces in reality so why does she have them in this dream sequence?
Her blond hair and milk colored complexion paired with her rich red lips remind me of Gwen Stefani or one of those blond girls in a comic strip.
I should be delighted that some girl is throwing herself at me, but I am perplexed because this person, where did she come from and why all of the sudden is she here? At this skating rink?
It’s not a sex dream, I rarely have those even though in Psychology 101 we were told that most of our dreams were sexual, what? I don’t think so. I dream mostly of food and chocoloate chip cookies and working at the nursing home and Ultimate Frisbee.
The few times I have had sex dreams I always wake up before the sex. Does that happen to you? To everyone? It’s like one of those dreams where you have won the lotto or suddenly your wildest dream is coming true but before it fully comes to fruition you wake up.
But lately, my dreams are different. My day dreams are different too. I’m scanning girls all the time wondering if they could be the future Mrs. because the last futue Mrs. hopeful was not interested in the least and she let me know by ingoring my attempts at starting up a super-delicious romance that would have started with her and I and a plate of Thai and we would be laughing and eating Pad Thai and our lips would touch as we slurped on a really long and fat rice noodle and it would be like a scene from Lady and the Tramp and then later we would have a batch of puppies.
For real though, lately, something is up. I think being self-employed has left me with too much time to be alone and the time that I used to spend alone on the weekends was “ME” time but now that is all I have, “Me” time and too much of that and so yeah, I’d love to have a woman in my life that I could take to breadwinners and to watch Grey’s Anatomy with. I’d sit with her on the couch and massage her feet and listen to her talk endlessly about her day and what she wanted to eat for dinner and how her mom is stressing her out. I’d listen and I’d be grateful that my time was no longer all mine.
So yeah, something is up, perhaps I am finally growing up… it’s doubtful, but maybe.