Category: Relationships

Categories
Relationships Stories Travel

Goodbye Minnesota… You will be missed.

I already miss you a little bit.

I’m sitting at home after a 3 day trip to see a Kanakuk friend – Eric Holst. We only spent a summer together 9 years ago, but as anyone from Kanakuk can tell you that Kanakuk is a place that bonds people together forever no matter how far the distance or time.

I had read on Eric’s facebook post one morning that he was eating blueberry muffins and drinking Spunky Monkey Coffee. I left a comment that said something like, “I wish I was there…” without missing a beat, Eric responded with, “You should come down for a visit.”

That is really all it takes for me, within a few days we had it planned. I was to come down for the Minnesota State Fair on a weekend that everyone had off and so i did.

On Friday I arrived and dropped off my bags at their apartment at Bethel University and then promptly went to the State Fair. As soon as we got inside we stopped for a Pronto Pup which is like a corn dog but instead of corn meal they use flour. I devoured one quickly smothered in ketchup and mustard. We started to walk away and I said, “Um, guys, would you look down on me if I got another one of those right now?”  They laughed and said, “No Way!” The Pronto Pup is called “A banquet on a stick.” I laughed at that title at first, but after I had one I agreed. They were delicious.

Later that day I consumed a turkey leg, a malt, a chocolate covered pretzel, a large quantity of fries, a 32 ounce root beer, one fried green tomato, and at the end of the day we bought a bucket of warm chocolate chip cookies and then walked over to the stand where they have all-you-can-drink milk for just a buck. I got one glass, then went back and bought another glass so I would have two cups and then i got two more refills and so I overindulged with 5 glasses of milk and way too many cookies. It was heaven.

The next morning I couldn’t believe I was actually hungry.  When I woke up and went into the kitchen Eric was cooking eggs, bacon, and blueberry pancakes as well as some fresh brewed coffee. I was really surprised to see him so effortlessly cooking all of this food. I like to cook and I have never seen another man that enjoyed cooking as much, if not more, than I do.

After breakfast we went to a cool sculpture garden and walked around for a bit. We climbed on some sculptures even though there were signs that said, “Please do not climb on the sculptures” everywhere. Like big kids we played and then we went out for an AMAZING lunch of bacon cheeseburgers, fries and malts at a place called “The Convention Grill”.

After feasting at the grill we went to see the Minnehaha Waterfall and even waded into the creek. The water was really cold at first but after a while it became quite pleasant. On the way to Minnehaha Falls we drove by these beautiful homes that had so much character that I started to fall in love with Minnesota. However, Eric and Nikki said that the temperature in the winter averages around 16 degrees for 3 months straight and that alone will keep me from ever being a resident of the lovely state.

Saturday’s dinner consisted of some grilled steaks, squash, sweet corn and watermelon. We ate outside on picnic tables that were near a beautiful lake.  After dinner we sat in the iving room and talked and then eventually watched the movie 21.

Sunday was a simple continental breakfast of toast with peanut butter and honey, fresh peaches and watermelon and some more great coffee.

We went to church and then for lunch we went to this wonderful gourmet pizza place and had delicious pizza and a piping hot artichoke dip. After lunch it was off to the Mall of America – the largest mall in the U.S.A and then finally back to the airport where it was time to return home.

The entire trip was a good time. Eric and Nikki have two cute kids that are 2.5 and almost 4 years of age. They were fun little chatterboxes that kept things lively and I couldn’t help but think that Wyatt was cute even when he was throwing a fit.

I told Eric that out of all my weekend excursions that this one had moved to the top of the list for “The Most Fun in a little over 48 hours award”.  I was serious, I mean, we packed so much fun, good conversation, and great food into such a short amount of time that they quickly moved to the top of the list.  Not that there really is a list, but if there was…

So on the way home to round out the great trip I spent the 90 bucks to upgrade to first class. No one was sitting beside me and the two hour flight home could not have been more enjoyable.

Thanks Eric and Nikki for a great weekend, i hope to come back someday soon! (After the freezing cold… for sure)

Categories
Book Reviews Culture Relationships

Sex. Every Day. For One Year.

I hadn’t heard of this book 365 Nights: A Memoir of Intimacy until I bounced over to Edgy Mama’s site to see what she has been up to.  There she talked about some of the hate mail her latest article has received and after reading the well-written article I don’t see what the fuss is about. Who doesn’t want to read a book about a woman who gifted her husband sex every day for a year?

How many women do you know what would make this sacrifice? (If you are out there and single, please post a comment immediately and include your phone number.)

As someone who has worked a myriad of Love, Sex, Marriage conferences I must admit that when it comes to Christians and Sex there are a lot of unanswered questions. Even more, it seems that sex is  quite possibly the one thing that men and women have in common that is often misunderstood – a need for intimacy without the fear of rejection.

I’m not married so I can’t even begin to understand what happens between couples after the rings are placed on fingers and the “I Do’s” are uttered, however, it doesn’t take a Sex Therapist to tell you that when it comes to intimacy our world is f*$*K’d up – literally.

So you married people, this book seems to be a challenge to all of you out there to step it up and as the author of the book says repeatedly, “It’s not a book about sex, it’s a book about marriage.”

As far as “The Gift” is concerned, I am sure that while we’d all like to chuckle and jab, in the end it is obvious that all of us could probably learn a thing or two from Charla and Brad.

Categories
Memoirs Relationships Stories

Lord, it’s the devil…

As we sat huddled up in the bathroom hiding, my mom would start singing a song, “Somebody’s knockin’ should I let him in, Lord it’s the devil, his name is Chuck Renz…”

My step-dad would pound on the door, but it was locked tight. I would peek under the door to see if I could see his shoes, yep, he was still out there. We’d stay in the bathroom for what seemed like an eternity. My step-dad wasn’t trying to hurt us, he wanted to tickle us. The strange thing, however, was that there was this mixture of real fear mingled with the excitement and dread.

My first full memory in life is one in which I am riding in a car and leaving home. For some reason there is a part of me that knows that this trip is different, that we won’t ever be going back.

We stop in front of a house, get out of the car and I traipse up the lawn in my underwear struggling to hold on to my green blanket. Inside the house there is a man sitting on a brown tweed couch. He smiles a big toothy smile that is wrapped in a foo man chu. He scares me. I poke my head out from under the blanket from time to time, but I’m frightened and the blanket is the only thing that I had making me feel secure. At the time I didn’t realize that this man would be my new dad. This man, whose face I remember perfectly clear, immediately replaced my biological father.

Before this point in my life I have very few memories. There are flashes of a house and my Aunt Ordelia who watched us. I remember her sleeping on the couch, her large black body just piled up and snoring. I remember the hair oil, the way it smelled, but I don’t remember my real dad at all whatsoever. There are no images of him holding me, no snippets of his voice, no lingering sense of his presence. It is a black hole that no matter how far I venture into I still come up empty.

My mom met my new dad at Jack-in-the-Box. She was only 23 and he was the manager. “I didn’t like like him at all at first, I thought he was a womanizer.” I remember my mother saying. “He would always come in and kiss all the women and they would be fawning all over him…”

The interesting thing about my step-dad is his ability to be two different people. Like Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde he could flip a switch and become so very kind, but when he was upset he become something else altogether. He threatened once that if he found the kitchen counters dirty he would make us lick them clean. He never did, but I believed his threat.

Once I got whipped for letting the water run while I was washing dishes, without hesitation I got hit with the wire end of a fly-swatter, before I could even explain why the water was still running I felt the sharp sting of metal against my bare legs.

Sometimes, we would all get the silent treatment. The scraping sounds of forks on the plates was all that was heard at the dinner table. I hated these moments. Hated how unfair my dad could be and how unreasonable. I hated that my mother had to put up with it at times. it was like we could never be ourselves and that part of us was always hiding from him.

Over the years my step-dad and I have had a very rocky relationship. His quick temper and high-expectations made him nearly impossible to please. Now, we’ve overcome a lot of the past, I love him very much and we are close, but there are still doors shut tightly between us and I don’t know if I will ever be able to fully let him in.

“Somebody’s knocking should I let him in
Lord it’s the devil would you look at him
I’ve heard about him but I never dreamed
He’d have blue eyes and blue jeans”

Categories
Relationships

To Whom Much Is Given… Much Is Required

Elijah rested on my chest. I kept holding my breath so I could hear his, he’d get so still that I wondered if he was alive. His tiny hands were pressed up against his squishy face. His black hair so fine and silky and new.  With his whole ife ahead of him, I couldn’t help but worry what would it be like?

Felipe came out on the porch while I was holding his son. I couldn’t help but worry about how he was going to be as a dad. I know how easy it can be to become selfish – especially as a man. Children can sometimes be placed on the back burner and we let our careers, video games, football or something else take priority over what is really important.

“Felipe, take good care of this boy, if you don’t, I’ll come get him from you and raise him myself.”

I was only half joking. I see so many parents who don’t take real ownership of their children. They go about living their lives and their children become secondary. They follow their dreams, they have their goals and their children were just a check box on the list of accomplishments. Felipe is only 20 and he lived with my parents for a little while after he moved out of a boy’s home.  I can only hope that he works hard to provide for his wife and son and that he doesn’t ever take them for granted.

I’m 32 now and if I ever have the opportunity to get married and have kids I will not take the responsibility lightly. I will love my wife with a fierce love and with a capacity that most humans cannot comprehend. I will stay up nights with my children and rock them to sleep without complaint, i will change diapers, I will wipe noses, I will run errands, and I will do it with joy, it will be my delight – because when that time comes I will fully understand the gift that I have been given.

I love my freedom, my single life, my lack of responsibility, but there isn’t a day that goes by that part of me doesn’t wish that I was already a dad. I push it out of my mind so that I don’t get into a rush and make a foolish decision. I won’t settle and I will trust in the God to provide, but I will do all that is in my power to make sure that Felipe’s son and my nephew Aiden know that they are not only loved and well taken care of, but that they are cherished.  

Categories
Relationships

I’ve got a new crush…

My Chiropractor has a sister that is his receptionist. She’s obviously American born, but of Asian descent. She’s really pretty and very sweet. I’ve got my eye on her, which is hard to do when you are laying horizontal on one of those back machines.

I imagine us having a conversation that goes like this:

“Yo girl, what’s your sitch?”

“Sitch?”

“Yeah, doll, your situation. You married, got baggage, totin’ around someone else’s love child, single and lookin for awesomeness that will blow your mind?”

“Um, I’m going to have to ask you to leave now.”

“Whoa, slow down babycakes, you know you are diggin’ my chili, and you are the fritos that I need-os.”

“Okay, that was lame, but I am kind of hungry.”

“Then let’s bounce this lockdown and get you some grub…”

“Let me grab my mace and I’ll be right there.”